The Reason Why You Should Live Alone Once in Your Life
And how to reap the benefits if you’re already settled.
I got to know two types of persons. Some have never lived alone, have moved from their parents’ home to a shared or couple life. And some have lived alone for a period of time, whether it was 6 months or 6 years. The conclusion I have drawn is that the two have absolutely different perspectives on life.
Both don’t deal with obstacles and day-to-day considerations in the same way. Most often, people who have lived alone have developed certain skills that I believe are crucial to finding one’s way in life, and more importantly, to “finding” oneself.
This is why I think you too should live alone at least once in your life. And even if you’re already settled, it’s not too late. You can reap some benefits without throwing your life out the window.
I moved in alone when I was 16
I was a little early to get my high school diploma. Wanting to study journalism, I settled alone in Paris, 800 kilometers from my parents.
I will always remember the feeling that filled me when my father left after driving me from the South of France to Paris. I heard the front door of the building close, I sat on my bed and felt that I was on a thin line between a chasm that would make me run after him and change my mind, and a will that would make me move forward despite the emptiness that sneakily filled me up.
I chose the second option. I built. Both my life and myself. I learned a lot. I acquired skills. It wasn’t always easy, but I’m glad I did it, because I’m now much stronger and more independent than I would have been if I hadn’t had this experience.
When you live alone, there is no one at your side to rely on. You have to learn to stand firmly on your own two feet, and this is one of the most important skills you can learn. You have to find solutions on your own. Of course, you can ask for help. But every time you face a difficulty, the first few moments, you will be alone and you will have to deal with it. Because if you don’t, no one else will take care of it for you.
It will range from having to do something about the huge spider you are currently watching moving on your wall, to having to climb the stairs with your heavier-than-you bag of groceries. You’ll have to find solutions. You’ll have to be wise.
And you’ll learn that you can overcome just about anything, just by yourself.
There’s a phrase that I repeat to myself when I’m faced with something that raises my anxiety level. “You’ve faced much worse things on your own. In comparison, this is nothing. Come on.”
Learning to be comfortable on your own is essential for building balanced relationships
When you live alone, you have no choice but to learn to enjoy your own company. Constantly surrounding yourself is an option that some people choose, but I firmly believe that one of the greatest skills you can acquire is to be confident and comfortable by yourself. And this can only be achieved by living alone, whether for a short or long period of time.
At first, it’s uncomfortable. But what is crucial is what you do with that discomfort. You have two choices: face it, or run away from it.
Stare at the discomfort straight in the eye and patiently resist its power. Soon you will see how you rise above it. And that kind of elevation will come in handy later.
I’m not saying that people who have never lived alone don’t have all these skills. Depending on their character, they could have developed these skills differently. My mother, for example, moved in directly with my father, but she is still a strong, independent woman who stands firmly on her own two feet and doesn’t need anyone.
Learning to be alone negates the “need” for others that most people feel. Once you don’t need others anymore, you have far fewer expectations. You no longer cling desperately to them because they provide relief. Only once this relationship of need no longer exists can we build healthy relationships, where everyone healthily and genuinely enjoys each other’s company.
It’s no problem if you’re already settled. You don’t need to throw your life away to reap the benefits of living alone. You can, for example, take a trip on your own. I know it’s scary, but honestly, it’s one of the best experiences you can have.
Or you can also spend a Bill Gates-style thinking week. That is, more or less, going to a place near or far, by yourself, and spending some time alone. Bill Gates doesn’t work during this time, he uses it to take stock, to think, in peace. But you can adapt it. Bring books, your camera, a notebook or hiking boots, whatever you want.
Final thoughts
You can only get to know yourself when you are alone. Allow time for all the layers built by society to fade away. Face the discomfort. And in the end, here you are, alone with yourself, your true self. Nice to meet you.
Your real self will be revealed in an unprecedented light. You will discover things about yourself. Pleasant or unpleasant. But the good news is that you can only improve unpleasant characteristics when you are aware of them.
Most importantly, you’ll discover that you’re much stronger than you thought you were. That you don’t need someone at your side to feel good and enjoy your time. This will teach you another important lesson: you won’t depend on the people you love anymore. Because relying on people, needing them, is not a healthy way to get close to them. The human bond is not the cure for loneliness. The cure is in you. Clinging to other human beings to fill the void doesn’t work. The solution lies deeper.
Being happy is something that comes from within, not from external circumstances or entities.
