The Realities of Moving and Living Abroad: A Personal Perspective

What happens after the meetups, the new friends, and the parties fade?

“It’ll be easy”, I thought. “I’ve travelled alone, I’ve switched jobs, I’m open to change.”

I was wrong.

Is moving abroad all it’s cracked up to be? Sure, it’s exciting and you meet new people, speak new languages, and explore new restaurants. But, then what? When the homesickness and culture shock set in, how do you cope?

Meetup groups can become shallow, gyms a place of silent solitude, and the work canteen a scene of mindless conversation or toxic office gossip.

What do I know about living and working abroad?

I’ve lived and worked abroad for a couple of years now, and at the beginning of lockdown I wrote a piece about my experiences of moving to Berlin.

It’s the first time I’ve put something so personal to paper and let it be read by the world… the world being my friends and extended connections. I was worried that people would think I was silly, that I shouldn’t have moved abroad if I wasn’t going to like it. After all, why would you move to another country if you weren’t going to be overtly happy there?!

It was interesting to see how many responses I got from this piece; responses of others relating and feeling the same; of feeling down, lost and, often, alone in a new culture.

We must remember when we are in times of sadness or confusion that we are not alone and, sometimes, it’s best to share how we’re feeling. You’ll be surprised how many others open up when you do…

Here’s my story.

If quarantine has taught me anything it’s that stability isn’t always born out of routine. Sometimes the seeds are sewn in the unknown and they’ll begin to grow when the time is right.

A personal perspective of life abroad

Before, then, and now.

Arriving in Berlin one freezing December day almost three years ago, my heart and head were filled with the unknown. I was in a constant state of waiting, wondering, and anticipating what the upcoming new year would hold. “It’ll be easy”, I thought. I’ve travelled alone, I’ve switched jobs, I’m open to change.

I was wrong.

The following months proved difficult. Numbness overtook the initial excitement with happiness, family, and friends so far away. How was I going to adjust to a city that seemed to be permanently angry and frustratingly stubborn?

Everyone else seemed to be making friends.

Everyone else seemed to be mixing, laughing, and enjoying what the city had to offer.

Everyone else had big smiles on their faces and beers in their hands.

I struggled.

I found no one who I really connected with for months. Or, if I did, they were only in the city for a short time and weren’t looking to make it their new home. I felt like something was wrong with me.

Is it because I’m not into techno?

Is it because I’m not in my 20s anymore?

Is it because I’m not German?

As a usually social person, the months felt like years as I isolated away from a world that began to feel very alien to me. I retreated into myself. I created distance, a safe place, a nest to come home to and hide away. This was my new abnormal. This was not me.

Then along came Corona.

The positive habits I was beginning to develop prior to the lockdown were suddenly put to a grinding halt. No more German classes, no more gym, no more after work drinks and forced meetups.

What was I going to do now?

Having never worked from home before, I was worried. “It’ll only be a couple of weeks”, they said. Months later and the reality is, well, I am happy.

Berlin brings me joy now. I have the time to sit back and watch as the blossoms bloom, I can take long bike rides in the country, and make my new apartment a home. A real home!

Without the pressure and distraction of toxic offices, stressful meetings, and complicated commutes, I see the city, and its people, for what it is — big, beautiful and open. Not open in the sense that we can do what we want. Of course, we can’t at the moment. But open to acceptance, to ideas, to people, to invigoration. It is not the big, bad place I had once imagined.

Perhaps all this time there wasn’t anything wrong with me at all. Perhaps I was in the wrong job, living in the wrong place, and looking for the wrong people. Corona has showed me where the good is, where the beauty is and, most importantly, where the kindness is.

If quarantine has taught me anything it’s that stability isn’t always born out of routine. Sometimes the seeds are sewn in the unknown and they’ll begin to grow when the time is right. I’ve made it through my personal quarantine. I have hope for the future. For a life in Berlin full of what this melting pot has to offer. For the good things that await us all. I know we can all make it through this so-called “new normal”.

Where am I now?

When I wrote this piece I didn’t know I was going to be in an almost constant state of lockdown for the following 12 months. However, it’s fair to say I still feel relatively the same. I may be lacking vitamin D, I may not have been able to explore the city, or make anymore new friends, but I have been able to explore how I really feel being here.

I’d love to hear from those of you who are living and working abroad.

It’s always nice to know we aren’t alone in our aloneness.