The REAL Way to Make a Proper Cup of Tea

A day-long event

So…you are normally a coffee drinker?

But today, you want to channel the British and enjoy a nice “spot of tea”?

Brilliant!

Rest assured — it’s easy!

If you’ve never done this before, here is your opportunity to learn. Follow along to my laughingly simple instructions, and you’ll have this down in no time at all!

Step 1: Boil the kettle

Yes, you have to use the cord. It plugs into the outlet.

Don’t forget to fill the kettle with water first.

It will take a few minutes to heat up, so feel free to go about your business until it’s ready.

Step 2: Forget that you boiled the kettle.

Re-start.

Step 3: Utilize the tea bag

For the purpose of this exercise, we’re going to assume that you are making one single cup of tea for yourself, and not a whole pot. Starting small is important!

Choose a favourite mug (no, not that one) and place one bag inside.

If you don’t want your beverage to be too strong, remove the bag after a few moments.

Step 4: Add your “extras”

Milk and sugar are the most common.

If you want to go a little crazy, honey is also a reasonable option.

(Throw some sprinkles on top. I don’t care.)

Remember, the tea will be HOT — wait for it to cool a bit before consuming.

Step 5: You forgot about your tea, didn’t you?

I get it. Your kid/pet/spouse needed you. It happens to everyone.

Into the microwave it goes.

*two hours later*

Step 6: Go to heat up something for lunch. Find the mug of tea in the microwave.

Let’s try this again.

Step 7: Put the mug back into the microwave.

Don’t leave the room this time!

Step 8: Take the newly-heated tea and sit down to enjoy a good book.

Ah, it’s the right temperature. Perfect. Hey, this is kind of relaxing!

Enjoy a few sips.

Step 9: Get up to grab a nice cozy blanket.

Forget why you left the room.

Get distracted.

*three hours later*

Step 10: Remember your abandoned cup of tea?

It’s cold now. Reheat.

Realize it’s too late in the day to consume caffeine.

Dump it out, rinse out the mug, and pledge to try again tomorrow.

Voila!

10 steps to making your perfect, realistic cup of tea!

I hope this has helped.

For more mind-blowing advice, please consider reading my previous tutorial, “How to Humiliate Yourself at the Emergency Department in 10 Easy Steps”:

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