The real reason why some men get so angry about rejection

Many women may be under the impression that men get angry about rejection simply due to a spurned ego, due to having a mentality of entitlement, or both. And yes, I’m sure that either or both of those things may be true in some cases, perhaps in even a lot of cases. However, I don’t know if that spans the full picture. See, sometimes, people are triggered by things that other people may not understand why. Indeed, they themselves may not even know why or, at least, may not be able to explain why very well.

All that being said, let me present my theory on why I think some men get angry about rejection. In short, I think that some of it may be because they feel FORCED to put themselves out there to face rejection in the first place, even if they don’t want to. That being said, regardless of societal expectations, if they don’t feel like doing it, they shouldn’t. In any case, let me explain more about this stuff.

I remember when I was a young buck coming up in the game, I never really felt comfortable talking to girls, at least not in the way of expressing my interest or “pouring out game”, so to speak, as some of the people in my particular environment would say. Yet I felt that there was a societal and cultural pressure expectation for me and other men to do so. My older brother, who unfortunately passed away in 2021, used to be like “Holla at her B!” when it came to certain women. I don’t think I was all that good at it though. I don’t think he meant any harm by it, he was my brother, after all. I’m not sure if a lot of people meant any harm by it. After all, there have been quite a few times when I’ve been around other guys who would tell me to “holla” at a girl or a woman. Why they wouldn’t, who knows.

I suspect that other men have been in situations of being egged on to chat up a woman or being dared to do so. Have you not seen such scenes in those cheesy movies? 🙂

Anyway, it seems that even in those days that there was a pressure for men to chat up women. A lot of this was before the dating app game, no doubt.

However, this isn’t just about my personal experiences coming up heavy in the game. I think that, in general, at least for a long time, there were societal expectations for men to be the ones to do the approaching. And, contrary to how some women on Medium and how other more radical feminists may talk, it seems that many women expected or preferred for men to be the ones to “have the balls” to show interest in them first, perhaps because it “showed confidence” or whatever. And, again, contrary to how some women on Medium and how other more radical feminists may talk, some women actually seem to be bemoaning the fact that many men won’t approach them now. But that’s another lesson.

Another factor is that some men might be under the impression that IF they don’t make a move, they won’t get anywhere with women or won’t find love. Although, I personally don’t think that’s 100% accurate. I suspect that there are other ways for men to find love other than stepping to total strangers, whether they do so while being out and about or at a bar somewhere.

Anyway, another reason why the expectation for men to be the ones to step up and talk to women makes some men angry is that some men suffer from shyness, social anxiety, social awkwardness, etc. yet get little sympathy or understanding due to it, are thought to simply “lack confidence”, and may even be unfairly labeled a creep (or seen as one) simply for just chillin because, goodness forbid, he’s quiet and not comfortable talking to women who may get oh so offended by being “hit on” anyway. 🙄

I suspect that I myself may have been considered creepy before, simply for being a wallflower at certain bars or clubs and not really bothering anybody, just not socializing much either. So some men may be angry at being expected to talk to women (without people having ANY regard for the possibility that, yes, even men can suffer from social anxiety), yet when they do it, they might be considered a creep for doing it. Or also considered a creep for NOT doing it. Go figure.

Now, hey, this expectation stuff may not be individual women’s fault. So even if a guy feels that men are pressured to talk to women overall, it’s still not right for a man to take his anger out on a woman if she’s simply not interested. After all, chances are, SHE didn’t pressure him to talk to her. Maybe other men did, maybe alleged cultural expectations did, maybe even his own mind did, but probably not her. Of course, if she is insulting (perhaps in front of her homegirls or whatever) or somehow makes it more demeaning than it needs to be, well… hey, I’m still not saying that a man should get upset with her or tell her about herself… but I understand. 🙂

All that being said, ladies, understand that IF a man pumps himself up enough to talk to you (respectfully), don’t make any rejection unnecessarily worse for him unless he actually deserves it. It might have taken him a lot just to muster up the courage to approach you, even if he didn’t want to (not because he wasn’t interested, but probably just because he was scared), so don’t be like these women as shown below 👇🏾

Now, one might say that a man should have his own mind and never do what he doesn’t want to do just because society expects him to do it and all that crap. That’s all well and good, and as true as that might be, everyone isn’t an iconoclast who so happens to step back, look at things for the silliness that they are, and be wise enough to go against the grain. After all, if they are ingrained with the message that a guy is supposed to just “be a man”, that it’s a man’s job to be the initiator, and to not be scared, to “not be a pussy” and all of that junk, then that might make it a little harder for some men actually sit back and think to themselves “wait a minute, this don’t sound right!”

And so the ANGER AND RAGE that wells up in some men may come because, again, some men may feel FORCED to try to talk to women, often total strangers (but not all the time), due to the impression that, if they don’t, they won’t get anywhere with women (since doing so supposedly shows confidence). So when they finally decide talk to a woman (in spite of the fear and dread they have of it), only for a woman to have a funky attitude towards them, or worse, try to clown them or disrespect them for having the audacity to actually think that they had a chance with her in the first place 🙄, they probably have a lot of rage because they are like “I don’t even feel like having to do this shit in the first place just to find love, yet I’m trying to step outside of my comfort zone and go for it like people tell me to do, only to have some woman sit back and treat me like I ain’t shit!”

So yeah, that probably has something to do with it.

Of course, a whole lot could be said about life being about resilience, it isn’t always comfortable, nothing worth having is easy, not playing “the sport” just because you don’t want to be bruised is no good, blah blah blah. I get it. And yes, I do think that it’s better for men and people in general to learn to take rejections and failures so that those things won’t destroy them but, hopefully, make them stronger and better.

In conclusion, I think a lot of the rage is because many men feel pressured to do it and are told if they don’t do it, women might sense they don’t have enough “confidence” and that they won’t get anywhere with women, even if those men suffer from social anxiety, shyness, insecurities, etc. that society, women included, have no compassion or pity for. It may also add to their rage that it seems that people have no compassion for their issues and expect them to just move past them, yet when they do, they might hardly (if ever) be rewarded for their efforts, and even get dissed and dismissed (or simply seen as a creep) because of it.

Anyway, share your thoughts on the rage and seething anger that unfair societal expectations on men may cause.

Once again, thank you for any claps, shares, and comments concerning this article. Take care of yourselves.