The Real Reason Too Many Christians Seem Rude? They Want to Help But Don’t Know How
The difference between your most vivid dream and waking up? That’s the difference between Earth and Heaven
Many believe Christians are “the enemy of love,” telling others what to do, trying to keep people apart.
Christianity teaches God is love itself, that Church is where we go to learn about love, marriage, and family. So why do so many Christians seem so rude?
Why do so many “Church people” seem annoying? Holier than thou? Mean even? Like their favorite word is “No?” Like they are angry and offended?
“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting,” G.K. Chesterton explains. “It has been found difficult; and left untried.”
I remember being a young journalist fresh out of college interviewing random citizens and being taken aback the first time a lady told me, “We don’t do that. We’re Christians.”
Something about the way the lady said the word “Christians” made me feel like I was being hit over the head for even asking a question — like she was telling me her family was good and I wasn’t. She was trying to tell me she had high standards, but it came out the wrong day.
We all have memories of Christian doing something that didn’t seem Christian. Part of the reason: Christianity is a perfect set of beliefs, but Christians themselves are all flawed sinners.
“In truth, there was only one Christian, and He died on the cross,” Friedrich Nietzsche argued.
All other Christians are trying their best to emulate a perfect Jesus but we all fall short.
The paradox of love
Like all forms of love, Christianity is a baffling paradox: We crave freedom and choices but judge others.
We live to love, but we hate being judged. The ultimate Christian paradox: We are all nothing, sinners, yet also children of God, and He loves us dearly.
The opposite of love is indifference, literally not caring about people. Both love and hate are intense forms of caring about other people. So we tend to both love (and hate) people we really care about (even though the Bible tells us to pray for our enemies).
Christianity also teaches God is truth (but we hate being hurt with too much truth). Read the Bible, and you’ll see more than 4,000 years of our ancestors trying and failing at every choice and life option available. It ultimately shows Christianity is still the best way to live.
In fact, the original Christians were called “The Way” because they found “a better way to live” by following The Way of Jesus. Think of the difference between your life and the most vivid dream you can remember.
Pope Francis famously said he saw “the Church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars. You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else.”
Pastor Joel Osteen, similarly, argues, “hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily.”
The one Bible verse all non-Christians know best? “Judge not”
Any time we criticize someone, non-believers answer with “Judge not” (Matthew 7:1) or the “hypocrite” question about “who are you to judge?”
Oswald Chambers taught, “The average Christian is the most piercingly critical individual known. Criticism is one of the ordinary activities of people, but in the spiritual realm, nothing is accomplished by it.”
“The effect of criticism is the dividing up of the strengths of the one being criticized,” Chambers said. “The Holy Spirit is the only one in the proper position to criticize, and He alone can show what is wrong without hurting and wounding. It is impossible to enter into fellowship with God when you are in a critical mood.”
He added: “Criticism serves to make you harsh, vindictive, and cruel and leaves you with the soothing and flattering idea that you are somehow superior to others. Jesus says that as His disciple, you should cultivate a temperament that is never critical. This will not happen quickly but must be developed over a span of time.”
Yet, we do it all the time: knowing what we should do and telling others the same (while often missing the mark ourselves).
Making it all the more challenging? Once people know you are a devout Christian, they tend to equate you with the Church itself. So when you say one thing and do another? They use your example to dismiss the faith itself and God specifically, saying they want nothing to do with Christianity.
Billy Graham called on everyone to focus on something different: “It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and my job to love.”
Our pastor, Father Mathias Thelen, reminds us to “judge actions and not hearts.” It’s fair to say “this action is wrong because it did this” or “could lead to” some other consequence, but we can’t know what’s in their heart.
“How generous is your measure toward others?” Thelen asks. “That’s the measure that you’re going to get.”
How to make your life a dream come true?
Sister Miriam James Heidland, similarly, recalls the most joyful moments of her life, like drinking warm coffee on a lake watching the sunrise, calling those moments “appetizers,” giving us glimpses of Heaven.
True believers who find such moments do so because of their relationship with Jesus Christ and their role within the Body of Christ trying to get themselves and others ready for that perfect life to come.
So many Christians feel like Noah, called to a joyful purposeful relationship with God. Like Noah, we often feel we might be able to build an ark with God’s guidance, but most of us don’t know how to get our families and friends on to that ark.
We want desperately to share that joy with others. But we typically don’t know how to do it. So too often, frustration makes words come out wrong, and Christians wind up “turning off” people we really want to bring into our Church family. Remember we are still learning ourselves.
This morning I woke up having the most vivid dream. It seemed completely real (and very pleasant), something that would never happen in real life, but the imaginary scenario was fun to recall.
When I woke up, my “real life” wasn’t nearly as interesting or exciting.
Yet, as our friend, Father Paul Richardson, teaches, the reality of everyday life is far more real and vivid than the most vivid dream. No matter how great a dream may be, the reality of life is always better.
Heaven, he explains, is so much “more real” and vivid than real life that there is no way we would ever prefer life on earth to life in Heaven. So, the answer, truly, is to pray for — and with — other people. But we get scared, worrying we ourselves aren’t ready.
But praying with someone you love, particularly your spouse or loved one, is actually more intimate than any physical act of love, but we fear rejection just like everyone else, so we say or do things the wrong way. As the old song teaches:
“Life is but a dream.”
