The “ Random” Text From Your Ex…
Decoding the cryptic message we all get at one point in our lives.
It’s your birthday! Throughout the day, you are receiving well wishes from friends and family. So, you are feeling grateful from all the love. You’re phone buzzes and you excitedly unlock it to read the message you just got. Then, your stomach drops….it’s from your ex.
“Happy birthday! Found this photo of us the other day. Hope you have a good day. <The picture of you guys when you were together, attached to the text>”
You feel a bit dumbfounded. The last time you talked with him, it did not end well. He had initiated the breakup conversation. It was mostly yelling that concluded in a harsh goodbye. It was also only a couple of months ago. So, why did he decide to send a somewhat sweet, yet somewhat random birthday text message?
There could be a couple of reasons as to why he felt motivated to send the subtly jarring text.
- Your birthday was the excuse to reach out
It’s not a surprise that he decided to reach out on your special day. As you knows, you get many well wishes on your birthday and of course you will send back an appreciation message. That is the respectful protocol. Your ex knows that too.
He knows that if he sends a message on this day with the niceties of a birthday wish, you are more apt to respond out of respect. If he were to send a message about just the photo on a random day, he is less likely to get an answer back.
This strategy can be seen as either innocent or manipulative. If you know him as honestly a sweet guy, he may just want to send you a happy message. There is nothing wrong with wanting to tell someone “Happy Birthday”. However, if your last conversation was petty, rude and/or immature on his side the text message may not be just him wanting to wish you a happy birthday. Considering the last conversation was not the most mature, the intent of the message probably is not the most mature either.
2. They are unsure about their feelings for you
This point may seem counterintuitive since he had initiated the breakup. However, you did date and had feelings for one another during the relationship. Sometimes, the feelings he had for you may have never gone away. Perhaps, now that it has been some time from your last fight, he is feeling the more positive emotions from the past relationship.
He may miss something else…..other than just the relationship. Therefore, this is a word of warning. Since the text message did not outright say, “I miss you and want to get back together with you. Can we meet up and talk?” you should not jump to the conclusion that the message has a morally pure intention.
If the message is emotionally vague, usually they do not have an intention to completely makeup and get back together. They may be more so probing to see where your boundaries are. Do you want to have nothing to do with him? Are you open to start talking to him again? Would you be open to hanging out with him or hooking up? You responding to the text will start to show him what you are open to.
If you want to understand how they are truly feeling or why they reached out to you, it is better to just be straight forward. Sending a clear question asking what their intention was for sending the image to you will give you the answer. If they freak out and/or do not respond, then you know their intentions are not clear or they do not want to be honest with you. Either way, you sidestepped a future fuzzy situation. If they respond with a clear and honest answer, then you now know why they texted you.
If you do not want to have anything to do with them, it’s best to either not respond or respond with a clear message of how you feel about talking (not talking) to them.
3. They hope the picture will trigger some emotions in your as well
When your ex saw the photo, it triggered emotions in them. At this point we are unclear which emotions it triggered for them. Perhaps your ex isn’t even sure which emotions he is feeling. However, we know it caused them to feel something enough to reach out and see if it would do the same to you. They are hoping that the image will trigger your emotions enough to respond to him.
A breakup is never black and white because emotions are involved. Working through a breakup may involve a slower separation from your ex or a quick and hard break. Knowing how you feel and what you want will always guide you towards what you is best for you in the end.