The Race I May Have Lost

The Clock Keeps Ticking

Whirling and swirling

Thoughts in my head.

Not sure where or when

It all began.

I just don’t think

It never ends.

I had to put on the brakes.

Forced, full stop.

My body couldn’t do it.

Whatever it was.

Broken and battered.

I could only lounge about.

Not lazy.

Healing.

But time kept ticking.

I was falling behind.

The world raced forward.

I was stuck.

My body refused to cooperate.

It wouldn’t be rushed.

Broken bones and torn muscles

Needed time to mend.

A broken heart

Learning to beat again.

Learning to breathe again.

But that dubious clock kept ticking.

I could only watch as

Everything fell into shambles.

I wanted to make it stop.

Just wait.

Can’t it all just STOP?

Just put it all on hold

Until I can move

And breathe

Without the agony and pain.

Of course, it didn’t.

My only choice

To sit on the sidelines

Watch it fall to pieces.

And pray.

Dear God don’t let it

Break beyond repair

Before I get the chance

To start picking up the pieces

Once again.

Swirling and whirling.

Thoughts.

Storms and seasons.

Feelings.

People rushing on

Through life.

Nothing will slow.

Nothing will wait.

The race goes on

With or without me.

At a snail’s pace

Healing begins.

Can’t be rushed.

Even if I want it to.

Ever so slowly

Pain eases

As I re-learn

First, how to breathe

Then how to move.

I want to run…

Rejoin the race.

Pick up the pieces

And soar.

Catch up.

But the world has spun

Far too fast.

I can’t even find

The starting line.

Is that even where I need to be?

Back to the beginning

To pick up

All the broken pieces?

I know it could be fixed.

But is it really all up to me?

Does it even need to be?

Do I pick up

Where I left off?

Take a mulligan

and just start

All over again?

Or do I just

Jump right in

And try to figure out

Where to go from here?

I’ve watched this race

Passing me by.

It may be too late

To even have a chance

At winning…

The least I can do is try.