The Quick & Dirty Guide to Anal Cleaning
And why being groomed for the task can make butt sex more enjoyable…
The anal sphincter is a moody muscle. Strong and highly sensitive, it can smell our fears like a guard dog. If it picks up the slightest tension in our bodies, it will clench up like a clam.
That said, in order to enjoy anal play, one needs to be calm and relaxed. While there are many useful articles on how to better enjoy anal sex, they tend to focus on lubing, warming up, and being comfortable with our partners. What most of these articles fail to mention is the most essential ingredient to making this backdoor delight even more delightful: water.
There’s more to it than that, of course, and I’ll soon get to the dirty details.
My first experience with anal
My first anal experience made me swear off partnered butt sex for a decade. My first real boyfriend and I made every mistake in the book: Apart from never having heard of lube, I didn’t prepare at all. To top it off, we went at it, without warming up, leaning over the sink in a brightly lit bathroom — facing the mirrors.
Needless to say, the ordeal was painful, both physically and mentally. Self-conscious and utterly mortified at the thought of what would inevitably end up on that condom, I was unable to relax.
Traumatized, I swore off any partnered rear-end action for the foreseeable future.
Anal-cleaning lessons from the pegging expert
Two long anal-less relationships later, I reentered singlehood on a mission to wholeheartedly explore my sexuality and assuage my fears. I knew I liked the sensation of anal sex from solo play and was ready to give it a shot with a partner.
Soon after, I found myself in bed with a wonderfully eccentric artist with a thing for pegging.
The first time we hooked up, he excused himself to the bathroom multiple times, where I heard him running the shower and flushing the toilet. I was curious but didn’t ask.
I also noticed that the guy was mellow like jello while taking it for a long-ass time, and, speaking of ass, it was sparkling clean and scent-free.
When I finally asked what he’d been up to, he came back from the bathroom triumphantly presenting a stainless steel, dildo-looking shower attachment.
“You’ve never seen this? I swear every single gay guy on the planet owns one of these!”
I caught on immediately. That explained his cucumber cool!
The perfect anal cleaning routine
1. Pick your cleaning tool
For some, it may be enough to just wash around the general area, but for others, getting relaxed enough for butt stuff means really getting in there. There are several gadgets that will do the job. Some still swear by the classic enema bag, while others reach for a plastic drinking bottle in a pinch. Personally, I’ve found the following two tools to be the most useful:
- The anal douche syringe: This round bulb with a spout works by sucking water into the bowl and inserting it into your anus to squeeze the water out. Available in most well-stocked sex toy shops and online, it’s easy to use, relatively quick, and portable. An added bonus is that it’s basically impossible to insert too much water, which can lead to a (literal) shitstorm. (More on that further down…)
- Enema nozzle: My go-to tool, the enema shower attachment gets the job done quickly and efficiently. You can find them online for less than 10 bucks, they’re easy to clean and comfortable to use, but they also take some practice.
2. Lose the pants and lube up
Get undressed and rub a small amount of lube or coconut oil around your anus. Warning: Be careful with oil, or better, opt for a water-based lube if you’re planning to use condoms immediately after as it compromises the latex.
3. Wash yourself with your chosen tool
To use the syringe, unscrew and fill it under the sink, insert the tip into your anus, and squeeze all of the water into your rectum. Sit down on the toilet, and hold it for a few seconds before you release. Repeat the process until nothing but clean, odor-free water comes out. This can take all the way from three to twenty times.
When using the nozzle, replace the showerhead with the nozzle and squat down or get in a comfortable position. Check the water pressure before inserting; the stream is very concentrated and you don’t want it shooting up there too hard. Insert only the tip and turn on the water. Count to five before pulling it out. Then, tiptoe over to the toilet, sit down, and let loose. Repeat until you’re cleared out and then continue to flush a few more times for that sparkly-clean feel.
!!! A small warning on enemas !!!
The counting-to-five-part is absolutely key when using the nozzle. To understand why, we have to be familiar with the anatomy of the colon. If you let in too much water, it will push past the second sphincter and into the sigmoid, descending, transverse, and finally, the ascending colon, which will stir up the previously mentioned shitstorm. This very graphic and equally helpful illustration clarifies well!
Full enemas are more disruptive to your natural bacterial flora and pose certain risks of tissue tearing — they should therefore be avoided on a too-regular basis.
If you do choose to go this route — perhaps you’re headed to a sex party or you’re only able to clean several hours before your date — note that instead of counting to five while letting the water in, you must go all the way to at least 20, for upwards of 30 times. This takes a while and is not always pleasant. You may feel a bit lightheaded and bloated. Give yourself time to lay down, massage your abdomen, and make sure all the water has come out.
Keep in mind that once you’ve made it past this door, there’s no turning back if you want to follow through with your anal plans. You have to go all-in, or out — as in, delay the act until a later date, and try again.
Anal prep does not stop at cleaning
While the act of cleaning can help you feel more confident and relaxed, it won’t resolve serious fear or past trauma, nor will it make up for a less-than-considerate partner. Cleaning also doesn’t eliminate the need for lube!
Remember: shit happens!
While fairly foolproof when done right, there’s never a 100% guarantee that accidents won’t happen. As mature adults with basic knowledge of human anatomy, we take this risk when engaging in anal sex — or we have no business going there in the first place!
Make sure you explore with someone who makes you feel safe, and preferably the kind that, in the off-chance that misfortune hits, you’ll never even know it did.
Well, now that your peach is peachy clean, you can throw on your favorite lotion, lingerie, or whatever else makes you feel extra beautiful and sexy, and await your lover with newfound calm and confidence. Enjoy!
© Ena Dahl 2023 Originally published at https://lustery.com, March, 2022
