The Question That Plagues My Life

What can I do for you, to make it better?

I don’t know — a thick empty feeling as answer!

Friendships, companionship is my forte.

My life has always been a rush either of joy, sadness, experiences, and despair. I have known people, men, women, and children of all ages, from all spaces — perhaps there are many I would like and love to know more about.

Traditional Relationships are pretty uncommon in my life, though my main focus is on fostering companionship with others, and that is my purpose to give them love, understanding, joy, and support.

I’m mostly suffering from something, whether it be my problems or the problems of my peers that sometimes plague my existence with worry and discontent. Though I’m fairly enthralled to help my peers, as I truly love them but then again when it comes to my problems, at times I’m unable to find solutions — it is hard for them to relate, and much harder for them to comfort when there is such a distance between us.

Indeed, most of my friendships are with people who are close yet far apart

Life is so complicated, sometimes, according to my peers. But it is simple for me, as I tend to accept things calmly. Acceptance is something that I truly take joy in, but at times it is the only option. Sucking it up is something I have learned from my elders, and preferably my parents that it’s alright, everything is going to be okay, even if you have migraine; the main cause is that you’re lazy.

Well even at the moment, I am experiencing what might classify as a migraine, if I tell someone, the usual questions that are thrown towards me are as follows,

Do you exercise?

Does it hurt?

Why do you take so much stress?

Why do you give so much to others?

What can I do to make it better?

All these questions and many others are sometimes also quite a headache to deal with. But there is this one question, where I’m completely silent at times, and even quiet. Something perhaps, that is said to me from the women I have in my life. These Companions, my dear beloved friends whom I adore with all my heart and soul. I give much to them as they say, and they feel helpless whenever something happens to me.

Most times, they are so far, and incapable of delivering comfort and warmth that my misery disturbs them as well. Knowing they aren’t able to deliver peace, love, and perhaps something more that is only reserved for my sake — A love that they only give to someone they trust.

“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” ― Jess C. Scott

I am a person who believes that at times you have to bear through the pain, I usually bear through it all alone as I have always had. I have suffered a lot at the hands of others when you become desperate to gain peace, everybody makes that mistake once or twice, or perhaps many times. Desperation can cause a person to lose themselves completely when they are aching to pick up the broken pieces of their self.

It is better to throw them away, or moreover break them, you shall release yourself from this miserable state. It is indeed a painful and painstaking process that will be your end, perhaps it is likely you will survive but something truly peaceful — a perspective that will push towards achieving a state of relief is you will acquire.

These beautiful, charming women — these kind gentle little girls, who sometimes tear upon my situations is sometimes really heartbreaking for me to see. It is never my intention to treat these women with such sorrow, but alas it is inevitable.

I am perhaps, many things for many people of that I’m certain, but then again I’m uncertain of the people of whom I speak of.

I have been asked these questions thousands of times, but I can’t understand what could be done, to supplement an answer. Thus, I believe today is the day, I write my heart and soul away from what could be done by these beloved people who want to trade themselves away for the peace they desire for me.

Distance

Most of the women, I have ever connected with are far, from me. I have met some, and there are many I have yet to meet — a hope perhaps. But the thing is I usually don’t daddle in what could be or could have been. Though it is a good way to self reflect but too much of it can cause you to lose your peace and your joy in life.

If I could I would jump to meet them in a heartbeat, if given the smallest of opportunity. I do that sometimes, it leaves people speechless. But it’s hard for anyone to comfort someone when they are thousands of miles away — a conundrum that they face whenever I usually am suffering from a depressive episode, it does happen once in a blue moon when I have to confine myself in dear old despair.

Though I usually make it on my own as I always have, there is still a part of me that yearns for connection from them.

Going the Extra Mile

Sometimes, I have had the opportunity of someone trying to persuade me to accept their way of exercising themselves as a sense of relief for my sake. Perhaps to get me something or give me something entirely that is what they are referring to, which completely catches me off guard.

Though I never really ask nor I push anyone to go out of their way for my sake. Alas, it is something I admire but I usually can’t accept when someone drops a pretty discerning option, to say the least. I don’t want them to use their selves as a means of comfort for what I am suffering, though I understand that they are doing it, for me which I accept. But I can’t accept something that would tarnish their self-esteem or their sense of self-worth.

There have been times, where someone has asked me if I want something from them, an offer that I truly deny which technically broke the relationship with them, as they thought that I was not reciprocating towards their love.

Although, I just didn’t feel like using someone in that regard.

Closure

At times, friends can inevitably help you to seek closure from your troubles. You can exercise your worries in a heartbeat but as you know that in most cases people aren’t expressive about their needs, or how they can use their actions to help someone else. It is generally hard to seek closure from others, following that perspective.

There are many of us, who want some people to be near us, to hold and embrace us in our direst of times, but then again, some promises are just words wrapped in a sheet of paper that just soils itself when heavy rainstorms come your way.

They are as weak as the people who made them, although you try to hold on to those promises as best as you can, you can even survive the strong raindrops that hit you while you’re covering the promises they made, holding onto them firmly waiting for someone to arrive, even though it was never their intention to help you in your time.

Seek closure within yourself — there is someone who cares for the promises you make more than anyone that someone is yourself.

Conclusion

The simple most affectionate answer to the question that we all face in our most depressive of times is.

Stay along with me — until it gets better

For us to help one another, we must face all odds together. When you care for someone, and that specific someone knows how much energy you put to frame your words and affection, they will always ask for you to stay with them.

If I perhaps, see someone who has no one; I would walk towards them with a rose of friendship in my hands, and welcome them with a heartwarming embrace of companionship and love. There might be a distance between us, people who understand themselves can always attune words to suit the people they need to support.

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”― Dave Matthews Band

Therefore, just stay with them, there is no amount of money or closure that can beat someone compensating the longing and union with another. It feels as if you are replenished with the answer, by the hope you were yearning from. Staying with them for an hour, a day, a week, a year — an eternity perhaps. Time doesn’t matter when it comes to people you love.

So just stay there with them, they only need you to stay if you’re unable to be with them in person. Just stay support and love them with your heart and soul.

That’s the most of what we can truly do in times of hardship for each other i.e. Staying together as long as we can to comfort one another.