Summary

The website content discusses the Platinum Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II, reflecting on her 70-year reign, the public's ambivalent feelings towards the monarchy, and the creation of an "Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator" to voice criticisms.

Abstract

The article titled "The Queen. Platinum Jubilee. Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator" provides a satirical take on the celebrations for Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee. It acknowledges the Queen's unique position where she is personally respected despite the institution she represents facing criticism. The piece humorously suggests that the 70-year milestone could have been marked with 70 additional bank holidays instead of just one. It touches on the history of the British royal family's name change from Saxe-Coburg-Gotha to Windsor, significant events during the Queen's reign, including the loss of her husband Prince Philip, and her private opinions on various historical moments. The article mentions the Queen's legal immunity as a head of state and her ownership of swans, drawing a humorous parallel to her level of employment compared to the author's. It also comments on the Queen's sense of duty and work ethic, the exclusion of Prince Andrew from the Jubilee balcony appearance, and the varying levels of support for the monarchy among different age groups. The piece concludes with a satirical "Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator," listing pairs and trios of topics that critics might use to voice their discontent with the royal family.

Opinions

The author expresses indifference towards the monarchy, viewing it with a sense of humor and skepticism.
There is a mention of the Queen's past outspokenness and how she was later encouraged to remain silent on certain issues.
The author draws a parallel between their own job satisfaction and the Queen's long tenure, implying a shared experience of finding one's level in employment.
The article pokes fun at the idea of sovereign immunity, suggesting that the Queen could commit crimes without prosecution.
There is a critical view of the monarchy's popularity, especially among younger generations, and the concept of Republicanism in the UK is briefly explained.
The author uses satire to highlight the controversies surrounding the royal family, including Prince Andrew's scandal and the historical context of colonialism and slavery.
The "Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator" is a tool for satirical criticism, listing contentious issues related to the royal family.

The Queen. Platinum Jubilee. Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator

Photo: Bettmann/Corrbis. **The Queen aged 27. Work experience.**

Today begins four days of partying. This year Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II became the first British Monarch to celebrate a Platinum Jubilee after 70 years of service. Mrs Windsor, living large and still in charge, has pulled off a unique trick. Folks hate the institution she represents, but don’t hate her. Me, I’m supremely indifferent (not a real word).

I don’t wanna sound ungrateful, but seeing as how we’re celebrating 70 years maybe we should’ve had 70 extra Bank Holidays instead of just the one.

1st Person: Are they called The Windsors after Windsor Castle?

2nd Person: Well Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is a bit of a mouthful when you’re British innit.

A shitload has happened during her reign. Now please list every single event that has happened since 1952. Please do not miss anything out.

Probably the most notable event for The Queen was losing her husband of 73 years. I miss Phil The Greek, a man so quintessentially British that he probably invented the phrase, “This may sound racist, but….”

Apparently, when The Queen were younger she were, quietly, quite outspoken. Of the first man in space she said, “That’ll never catch on.” Of the assassination of JFK (JFK stands for John Fitzgerald Kennedy, not Jentucky Fried Kicking), she said “Typical Catholic.” On the start of the West’s Military Operation in Afghanistan she said, “I give it a couple of months, six max. Which suits one fine because one does not want our yoof getting sent there to serve.” However there were a judgment made that her comments were occasionally embarrassing so she were encouraged to keep her gob shut.

Photo: britishheritage.com. **The face that says “I got away with it?”**

One of the few benefits of being Queen, true, there aren’t many, is Sovereign Immunity.

“Should Queen Elizabeth ever commit a crime, the term ‘sovereign immunity’ will really come to the fore. Sovereign immunity means that as head of the state Queen Elizabeth ‘cannot commit a legal wrong and is immune from civil suit or criminal prosecution’.” — britishheritage.com

The Queen has a prerogative over all swans in England and Wales, so it’s not surprising they can break a man’s arm, and get away with it.

I can relate to The Queen as like me she has found her level when it comes to employment. For me it’s working in a warehouse whereas for her it’s, er, Royaling?

If I were in the same job for 70 years I’d expect someone would tap me on the shoulder and politely say, “Int it about time you retired duck?” However if I were still in the same job after 70 years I imagine my response might be, “I would, but I don’t trust any of yous wankers to do the job properly.”

Folks praise the Queen’s sense of duty. Whenever I think of sense of duty I think of me mum and dad forcing me to drink cod liver oil when I were a kid. Folk praise the Queen’s work ethic, but to be fair she gets paid good money to Royal. Ok, maybe not goo…. Actually, no, she does get paid good money.

Photo: Ken Goff/Getty Images. **No cock no crown. Princess Anne with her brother Prince Charles.**

The balcony scene at the jubilee will only feature working Royals. Yeah I know. Anyway, that means no Prince Andrew. Although rumour has it that the real reason for this arrangement was so his sis Princess Anne wouldn’t get the pleasure of saying, “Jump. I dare you.” Sibs eh?

Obviously The Queen isn’t universally popular. 40 percent of 18 to 24 year olds want to abolish the monarchy. Presumably the other 60 percent didn’t receive their Nandos vouchers.

“Republicanism in the United Kingdom is the political movement that seeks to replace the United Kingdom’s monarchy with a republic.” — Wikipedia

Republicanism means summut different in Northern Ireland. That’s our monarchy’s gift to Ireland. You’re welcome.

For some a jubilee is a time of celebration. For others it’s time to offer repeated criticism on the same topic. Moan. For those who in protest will be boycotting the Bank Holidays and going to work, I have produced an Anti-Monarchist Moan Random Generator. Pick any three subjects (pun intended) and construct a reason to hate the Royals.

Happy Jubilee!

PRINCE ANDREW ..… THE QUEEN’S HEAD LITERALLY ON EVERYTHING

BEARSKIN ROYAL GUARDS. ………. BREXIT. .….…… NAZI SYMPATHIES*

TRAVEL CHAOS. ………… CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES. …….…. HUNTING

THE QUEEN’S COUSINS KEPT IN HER ATTIC. ………….. TAX AVOIDANCE

PRINCE CHARLES …….. SLAVERY …..… WILLIAM WALLACE …… ISRAEL

IGNORED BLACK HERITAGE. …. STOLEN GOLD. … NORTHERN IRELAND

DUCHY ORIGINALS. …. LLYWELYN AP GRUFFUD. … QUEEN (THE BAND)

SOVEREIGN IMMUNITY. …. STOLEN DIAMONDS. …. VICTORIA SPONGE

FERGIE FROM BLACK EYED PEAS ………………. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

BUNTING ……… COLONIALISM ….. THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS

GENOCIDE ……….. THE BBC …………. COVID ….…….. THE SEX PISTOLS

KILLING LADY DI .….. ROYAL MAIL … .. CLIFF RICHARD STILL WORKING

*Not a reference to Prince Harry dressing up as a Nazi to go to a fancy dress party. Ginger Windsor has redeemed himself by marrying a Black woman.