The Pursuit of Happiness: The Dark Side

“All I hear is the sound Of rain falling on the ground I sit and watch As tears go by” — As Tears Go By, The Rolling Stones

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus

We all want to be happy. That much is innate. Just as we all wish to be healthy and safe from harm, a state of happiness has much to be desired. But just as health and safety offer no guarantees, neither does happiness. Inasmuch as we try to lead a healthy life, sickness creeps in without fanfare, and even minor illness can lay waste to our daily routines. Taxes and death are not the only certainties; they are simply two in a long list of inevitabilities. Unhappiness is no stranger to an otherwise rewarding life.

There is no inherent reason why a pursuit of happiness is ill-advised. It matters, though, how we pursue it. It matters, how, how we conceive its pursuit.

The Deceit of Perfection

One of the dangers of a mindless pursuit of happiness, and perhaps the most insidious, occurs when we think we must always be happy. That, somehow, encountering anything but perfect bliss is an anomaly that should (and can) be avoided at all costs. This kind of singular quest for glee starts out looking manageable and attainable, but mission creep sets in and takes over, till it overwhelms any sense of propriety. Happiness, then, becomes our raison d’etre. And contributes to a pleasure treadmill that never arrives at its destination.

Modern, industrialized societies have endowed most of us with abundant food, so only a small segment of the population experiences hunger. Once we are thus ingrained, we begin to feel the need to have constant and ready access to food, often of dubious nutritional qualities, lest we should ever have to endure hunger pangs. Heaven forbid. Have a Snickers bar, as the adverts remind us. And we wonder how we got so overweight.

We can extend this example to many other elements of modern living. Sore throat? Headache? Insect bites? You name it, there is a fix for it. Take a look at drugstore shelves, and it’s amazing to see the variety of remedies there are for all kinds of ailments. I had a look at my medicine cabinet, and it was quite interesting to see how many different potions and pills I have. It is uncivilized to feel any physical discomfort, so it seems.

The same goes for happiness. We must not allow a moment of unhappiness into our lives. It’s a domino effect, isn’t it? What happens if we feel sad at all? Maybe try retail therapy! Or eat some chocolates. Indulge in a nice ice cream sundae. Have a drink. Go on holiday. Anything to get us out of our misery.

Shit Happens

“And the seasons, they go ‘round and ‘round And the painted ponies go up and down We’re captive on the carousel of time” — The Circle Game, Joni Mitchell

But we know, don’t we, that shit happens. No matter what we do, there will be times when we are not particularly happy. Sad, even. That’s just how the chips fall, eh? Nothing can be eternally perfect in every way. People say if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Sure, why not? But maybe sometimes it’s okay to just shrug and say to ourselves, oh well, whatever.

I’ve had my share of disappointments and unhappy days. Some days were particularly harsh, and I wondered, why me. But as with the times when we are happy, sad times don’t last forever either. Well, I guess if we choose to only think doom and gloom, then yes, life can become an infernal sinkhole. There is no gravity, the world sucks, that sort of thing. But for most of us, life is a mix of good and bad, and a lot of mehs in between. And I’ve come to realize that there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

Chasing after elusive ideals is not my idea of fun. Pursuing happiness is fine, within reason. But if I let myself succumb to the notion that I must always be happy, I am going down this rabbit hole that leads nowhere, and one possibly from which I will never escape. A true Pandora’s box, if there ever is one. No matter how hard I try, I cannot eliminate the gray and the dark. Lemons will come, like it or not. I am not however advocating a life of misery. What I am suggesting is that we should stop looking at these emotional states as either-or, or as a zero-sum game.

Conclusion

“If life hands you lemons, make lemonade! Words to live by, especially when you kept in mind that the only way to make them into lemonade was to squeeze the hell out of them.” — Stephen King

Be happy, by all means. But learn also to accept that we are unhappy at times. And that’s okay, too. I won’t go so far as to say embrace the suck, for, you know, sometimes it sucks too much. But it will pass. I try not to let sadness take over my life. I also try not to let happiness become my life’s mission. These are just emotional states we all go through. I’m no exception, and neither are you. But do something with those lemons though.