The Psychological Tactics Energy Vampires Use to Drain You
Some people get a boost from draining others. Don’t give them your time or your emotional labor. Protect yourself.
by E.B. Johnson
Ever found yourself cornered by an energy vampire? These mentally and emotionally draining people are some of the most toxic and damaging in our lives. Yet we do little to clear them out. Why? It’s hard to put your finger on their destructive behaviors. There’s no overt negativity here. Instead, the energy vampire uses subtle manipulation to wear you out and wear you down until you’re lacking in self-esteem and self-truth.
The psychological tactics “energy vampires” use to emotionally drain you.
Don’t be fooled. There’s nothing magical or superstitious about an energy vampire. These day-walking fiends are a part of our everyday lives. They are our mothers, fathers, bosses, and even our best friends. Wherever they exist, they bring chaos and exhaustion. It’s how they are able to fill their own sails. The energy vampire is exhilarated by taking from the energetic aura of others.
Monopolizing every conversation
Energy vampires do nothing if not monopolize every conversation they get into. They can’t help it. Part of the way they function is by gaining energy from attention. They need all eyes on them and they (often) need to be the center of the show. The easiest way to do this is by putting themselves at the center of every conversation. All roads lead back to the energy vampire. They suck the air right out of the room and right out of a balanced conversation.
Refusing to take accountability
They don’t just have to shut down conversations. Energy vampires can also use their own destructive behaviors to drain energy from the people around them. That’s certainly what happens when they refuse to change or take accountability. The more you fight with them or implore them to make space for others, the more they wriggle free and shift the blame. They will never admit to what they do, because that would mean changing their ways.
Diminishing your experiences
What happens when you open up and share experiences with the people in your life? Do they celebrate with you? Do they show some concern? Or do they always take the chance to diminish and demean what you’re going through? Some toxic people get a high off of making their life seem better (or even more challenging that those around them). Each time you open up, they’ll take over by silencing you with diminishment.
Playing the big time bully
Energy vampires aren’t always the people close to you in your life. They are often the people you expect them to be. Like that abuser or narcissist in your life. That bully at work who pushes you around. Some people weaken others by bullying them into submission. They get a thrill from the idea that they can alter and control the mental and emotional states of those around them.
Manufacturing major drama
Ever met someone who was just always in a state of complete crisis? Everything they did resulted in failure and chaos. If they took a bus, it ended up being a $50 cab fare you paid. If they got into a breakup, it was so bad they had to turn to you for money, emotional labor, and every other form of support. Energy vampires are not above manufacturing endless crises in their lives in order to keep you weak and on the hook for their mistakes.
Codependent dependence
Codependent behaviors are incredibly common in toxic people…especially when they’re energy vampires. These individuals thrive in a codependent relationship. They feed off of the energy of their partners and the inevitable resentment and conflict that comes from the self-denial and chasing of opposing values and goals. If they can wear you down and wear you out into being stuck to their pattern — it’s a best-case scenario for the energy vampire.
Reverting to total victimhood
Ever been around someone who plays the victim all the time? They might be a covert narcissist, or they may not be. Either way, being in their gravity becomes totally exhausting. This person is never at fault for the bad things that happen in their life. They blame anyone and everyone for their dramas. Whether you’re at fault or not, they love to involve you and wear you down emotionally and mentally in the process.
One-upping and martyrdom
The emotional vampire loves few things more than a good game of one-upping. No matter what you’ve done well, they’ve done it 10x over. They don’t exactly brag, but they certainly remind you they’re better than you. If that doesn’t work, then they’re not above resorting to martyrdom. They become the helpless victim and hero of all their own stories — even when it’s apparent that they’re not.
The best ways to protect yourself from draining people…
Mentally and emotionally draining people are everywhere. They can be our partners, our spouses, our friends, family, co-workers…even our own children. Some people simply choose to take more than they give, and that becomes wearing to the person who is waking up and expanding their empathy.
Know that — no matter where they exist in your life — energy vampires don’t have a right to your energy or your emotions. You don’t have to let them suck you dry. You’re still allowed to set boundaries, and to protect your energy and your wellbeing.
Set boundaries and keep draining people at an emotionally appropriate distance. You don’t have to cut them out of your life, but you don’t have to give them leeway in every exchange and every conversation.
Tell them when they’re wearing you down. Express your need to take up more space in your relationship with them. If they can’t make room for you, begin the act of distancing yourself. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations where you’re cornered and easy to drain.
Stop inviting them to important or intimate events. Stop telling them things about yourself that are important or emotionally volatile. People who drain you without giving back don’t value you. Never sell yourself out to people who don’t value you for what you’re worth.
© E.B. Johnson 2022
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