The Proverbs 31 Man

“Why is that guy sitting at the gate with the elders when his wife has so much to do?” That used to be my take on Proverbs 31 when I was younger.

I grew up with a divorced mother and saw how hard she worked. She took great care of us, her children while working full time in a demanding job. She was well respected by all who knew her. I would say she resembled the modern version of the proverbs 31st woman.

I couldn’t help but think however of the few sentences that spoke about the proverbs 31st woman’s husband. What was he up to while she was working so hard? Verse 23 gives us a clue. He was seated at the gate among the elders of the land.

As I got older and got married I began to revisit that proverb. I realized that I married a wonderful Godly man. I married a Proverbs 31st man.

I realized this as I recently planned my husband’s birthday party. As I made preparations I was consumed with what I could do to make the occasion reflect how much I admired and loved this Godly, goofy man. With each thing I did, I thought “this is not enough, I need to do more.” He has done so much for me and our children while never asking for anything himself. I began to think of how many times he has supported and praised my accomplishments.

He has many times compared me to the Proverbs 31st woman. I realized that I could never have been all the things he claimed I was had he not been a Proverbs 31 man. What are the qualities of such a man? Well, let me break them down.

· He has full confidence in me. V.11 My thoughts, ideas, and feelings are never dismissed. Early in our marriage, I expressed concern about a female coworker who seemed a bit too friendly with him. His answer was that he hadn’t noticed, but because I was uncomfortable he determined to put a greater distance between himself and her for my peace of mind. He then added that he trusted my instincts in those sorts of things. I had no reason to be concerned past that conversation.

· He is not threatened by my busyness or business. As our family grew, with each new child, my poor husband got less and less of my attention. Although we tried to make time for each other away from the children, he had to share me with our growing brood. He never acted pouty or peevish when I had to put him on the back burner to take care of them, or myself for that matter. When I look at verses 12–22, I know that woman is tired. I have been there. When I fall into bed too tired to even say goodnight, his response is to tell the kids, “leave mom alone, she’s had a hard day.” He is protective of my time and takes over when I am spent.

· Later as I was building my business, he came and worked on the maintenance of my office as well as being my computer tech when I needed one. He came and sat at my office when I had late appointments because he didn’t want me to be alone in the office late at night. He listened to my plans and attended boring networking events with me to help promote my business. My success always delighted him and he wanted me to have as much success as I was willing to have.

· Although it doesn’t specifically say what the Proverbs 31st man did for employment, I believe that like my husband, he was a hard worker. Why else would the other men respect him and sit at the gate with him? Men, in general, tend to look down on other men who are lazy, mistreat their family, or are foolish. They may hang out with them at the bar, but they don’t trust them to be in positions of authority and leadership. The men sitting at the gate are leaders in the community. My husband is like that. He doesn’t seek attention, but people seek him out because they trust him. He keeps his word and has a kind word for everybody.

· Last but not least the Proverbs 31st man is not embarrassed to praise his wife. It's one thing to think well of someone, it’s another to tell them and it is even greater to tell others about them. You get the impression that he esteemed his wife (v.28) and he told her and others how much he appreciated her.

So the next time you think to yourself that someone is a Proverbs 31st woman, check to see if there isn’t a proverbs 31st man associated with her. If there isn’t, then her Proverbs 31st man just may be the Lord.

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