Writing/Relationships

The Proust Questionnaire Answered by Caroline de Braganza

My response to the Illumination Slack Challenge

My answers today may differ from those I offer next week or next year, because we grow each moment — we are fluid beings.

Despite that, I want you to know I will never edit my soul.

The other morning, I played Emmanuel Dagher’s album I Am, A Healing Experience — uplifting music imbued with spiritual energy.

I can sometimes listen without tears when I hear the evocative piano track called I Am Peace. But I sobbed that morning as grief for my brother arose again. I’d played that piece last October when he was dying and I couldn’t be at his bedside.

Other times, I don’t end up crying. Either way, the music soothes me.

Tomorrow I may put on rock-and-roll, classics, jazz or blues.

I go where my heart and soul lead me.

So too with this questionnaire.

I hesitated to complete it at first, nerves jingling as they used to when writing an exam. But I undertook to complete it and I always keep my word!

I understand it’s not a test — no right or wrong. But will you know who I am from my answers? Which persona am I wearing today?

The best way for you to get to know me is to read my poetry and essays.

“In my writing, I donned a political panama yesterday, a spiritual sombrero today, and I may wear my funny fedora tomorrow. I go where my heart and soul lead me.” — Caroline de Braganza.

Anyway, I’m going to give this a bash.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

An idea is abstract and is meaningless until we transform it into action.

Aiming for perfect is a fruitless pursuit because I accept my imperfections. That makes me human.

Happiness is not a place to be or a goal to reach, but a state of being always present within me. Sometimes I lose it, but with a gentle nudge, a change of perspective, then I express gratitude for another day to create and grow.

Happiness is right here inside — not out there somewhere.

I define perfect happiness as acceptance of what is. That doesn’t mean I sit on my backside contemplating my navel — though I meditate for twenty minutes on waking.

Afterward, I get on with my action plan. Who am I being as I’m doing? I stay present and enjoy the undertaking without getting caught up in the outcome.

Pure joy!

2. What is your greatest fear?

Neale Donald Walsch defines fear as False Evidence Appearing Real.

I discarded it twenty years ago after my seven-week sojourn in a psychiatric clinic to heal my depression and recover from agoraphobia.

Fear is living a life of what if scenarios that focus on negative consequences — 99% of which will never occur. I learned to love myself and changed my default reaction to the unknown as excitement instead of something to dread.

My greatest fear is practical — the power outages in the countryside where I live.

I can find a workaround for the scheduled rolling blackouts, but others are unexpected — twice this week. A more apt definition is frustration, as I’m cut off from the world with no internet, no writing, and no means of communication.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Judging people whose opinions differ from mine. Though it happens less often now, I catch myself doing it.

4. Which living person do you most admire?

The Dalai Lama.

5. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

I’m stepping into Greek philosophy to answer this, as I don’t deem any overrated.

Aristotle believed our purpose in life is to engage in the soul’s activity through virtue. In the Nicomachean Ethics, written in 350BCE, he expounded on the virtues we should embrace. We should practice them until they become a habit.

The key is balance — neither too much nor too little.

This chart explains the point I make:

6. On what occasion do you lie?

I seldom tell a fib unless the truth may cause more harm than good.

I explain my approach in this story curated in Psychology and Self:

7. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

This is. It used to be that, but my editing software kept nagging, so I stopped that.

8. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My husband. We’ve been together for 35 years. Through hard knocks and joyous times, we’re best friends and lean on each other to make sure neither falls.

9. When and where were you happiest?

How can I look back on seven decades and pick a particular moment or place? I’m in this body whenever and wherever I am.

10. Which talent would you most like to have?

I inherited a good singing voice and ability to act from my late mother.

In my middle years, I wrote many songs but gave up my ambition of a professional music career and stopped playing guitar because of my arthritis. But I still sing!

In 2016, I discovered a talent for writing outside of business correspondence. I aim to continue honing my skills. To my surprise, I’m composing poetry again — a pursuit I enjoyed in my twenties.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” Eckhart Tolle.

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To eradicate self-doubt.

12. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Recovering from depression and being free of it for 20 years.

13. Where would you most like to live?

I love living in South Africa. (On two occasions I left but missed the country so much, I returned!)

My dream is to move to a coastal town to savor the salty air and sand between my toes.

14. What do you most value in your friends?

Their undying loyalty and support.

15. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

None. How to pick one from so many? Genghis Khan, Alexandra the Great, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein… if I were to list everyone, this could be a ten-hour read!

16. Who are your heroes in real life?

Whistle blowers and investigative journalists who defend the truth.

17. What is your greatest regret?

That I never had the chance to tell my Dad I loved him before he died over thirty years ago.

18. What is your motto?

“It’s never too late to wake up and always too soon to give up.” — Caroline de Braganza

My motto arose from the second story I wrote on Medium in May 2016, curated in Self, which you can read here:

Before I go, allow me to share one of my poems.

Thanks to Tree Langdon, CPA, CGA for this challenge!

And thank you dear readers for being here.