The Professional Distractee Guide

It is not easy to be distracted all the time. You have to want to do it.

It is not easy to be distracted all the time. You have to want to do it. Luckily, there are many tools at your disposal.

The first, the obvious one, is your smartphone. So convenient. You can carry it in your pocket, take it pretty much anywhere you want. The sad part: lately, it has been getting quite a lot of bad rep. People say things like “if you want to really connect with your loved ones, you need to put your phone down.”

You know, so you can look at their faces…or something.

Nowadays, if you pull your phone out in the middle of a conversation, you are going to get called out almost immediately. Therefore, all of your relevant emails and notifications are going to have to wait until after you have sorted out the human interaction at hand. Bummer!

Let’s try a different scenario in which you could go old school and stick to your TV set. Let’s say you have a big project to finish. Something you really need to focus on. Instead, just grab a bunch of snacks, sit down on your favorite couch, and pick a show. Nowadays, there are lots of options. Trouble is, if you live with someone, say a friend or family member, they might want to sit with you. They might also want to eat some of your snacks. However, if you live alone, you may be able to pull this one out without any significant interruptions other than having to sleep or use the toilet (the last one you can solve by keeping your TV on a table that has wheels).

Now, if you really want to go pro, you have to stop relying on electronic devices. Nothing will increase your level as a professional distractee as being able to get distracted without any assistance.

You just have to use your mind.

For example, let’s say your significant other wants to talk about upcoming social events. Maybe your parents are visiting, or you have been invited to a wedding, or perhaps you have been thinking about getting married yourselves…

Anyhow, he/she wants to talk.

The conversation begins, and your SO is making some remarks. Yes, your body is there but, my dear friend, your mind doesn’t have to. Your brain is free to go to any place you want it to go. Perhaps your SO mentions in passing that old place where you used to have chocolate ice cream. That is more than enough for you to start thinking about your 5 favorite ice cream spots, about how vanilla ice cream is just better than chocolate ice cream, about the shirt you had to throw out because you dropped a cone on it, and so on.

I assume you already know you have to nod (or shake your head) occasionally. Just pay attention to the ending of every other sentence, and that will give you a good hint on when to do it.

Also, intermittent eye contact is vital. Some people think they should permanently lock eyes with the other person to make it seem as though they are invested in the conversation. I’m afraid that’s terrible advice. In fact, it might make you look a bit like a psycho, drawing unwanted attention to your face. Instead, make brief eye contact, then look down, as if pondering what the other person just said (pro tip: place your hand on your chin). Then look up, so the pondering seems more intense.

After a few seconds, return to eye contact and nod. It may seem like a lot of trouble at first, but in time you’ll get the hang of it and will be able to do it without overthinking. This way, you let your mind wander to the stuff that’s really important right now, such as: what’s the deal with people who eat 90% dark chocolate and have the guts to claim it is delicious (we all know you are lying, guys)? How many times were you called to the Principal’s office when you were in high school (you are sure it was only two, but last week you talked to your mother on the phone, and she swears they were four)? And let’s not forget the question that always, always gets to the top of your brain, no matter how hard you push it away: how do I keep myself from perpetually getting so distracted?

And there you have it, my dear friends. Hope these tips will get you going.

Now go out there…and make me proud.