Philosophy

The Primal Thought of ‘I am’

How to realize your true nature and end suffering

What are we aware of?

In the most practical sense, being aware has to do with paying attention, and we are usually attending to the things, activities, and beings of the world. When we add an object onto awareness we communicate what we are aware of, what we are paying attention to in specific — ourselves, others, the environment, hunger, desires, anger, relationships, thoughts, senses, and so on.

But just being more aware doesn’t help you know what you are as the fundamental, true nature of your being. In fact, this kind of awareness, which is focused on something or someone, takes the mind further into the world of thought, breathing, the body, problems, light, sound, visions, and on and on.

However, if you bring the attention to the thought of “I am,” to the exclusion of all else, then something curious happens.

‘I am’ is primal “I am” is the primal thought that distinguishes us from all else. It is the beginning of the me-versus-the other duality. It is a natural response to being alive and aware that you are alive. And it is the acceptance of thought as our metaphorical operating system.

“I am” proclaims that there is an “I” who is embodied and living an existence of some sort, including when the “I am” is in this reality, experiencing a dream or out-of-body experience, meditating, in the midst of a psychedelic plant trip, in a near-death experience, or daydreaming.

“I am” comes first. When we wake up from deep sleep we become aware that we exist following a period of no awareness of our existence. The same is true when coming out of a meditation (samadhi) so deep that there is no sense of anything at all.

‘I am’ is the starting point The “I am” is not our true nature, but it is the place to begin when we want to realize this nature. It is a step. However, when we add any object onto the end of “I am,” we are moving in the wrong direction if we want to uncover what we really are beyond thought and form.

For instance, we may say “I am a wife,” “I am happy,” “I am in bliss,” “I am enlightened,” or “I am a spiritual seeker.” There are endless ways we can add an object to the “I am” construct and then continue a life of constant distraction.

But if we abide in our recognition of “I am” then all other thoughts about our life, who we are, what we are doing, what is wrong, how to be happy, how to avoid suffering, and so on, eventually become consumed by a clarified mind.

When this occurs, the mind realizes the thought-less capacity that has always existed beneath the cover of the “I am” and all its objects of attention. And when there is no “I am” there is all and nothing without distinction — a difficult concept for the intellect to make sense out of. The “all” is the entirety of consciousness without distinction of a you and me or him and us.

‘I am’ is a thought Prior to all thought and existence is the one singular essence out of which all that appears to exist arises. All that exists and can be known comes out of the one and only emptiness — often called nothingness or a capacity — that is fundamental and irreducible. If we say, “I am” (“I exist”) then we throw the attention back onto the “I am.”

If there is no thought, then there can be no “I am.”

The “I am” arises out of the convergence of consciousness with the body to produce the awareness that we exist, and so it fools us into believing that there is a “me” who exists, because there is a body and we experience thoughts.

No thought, no ‘I am” “I am” is a thought, and without it there is no “me” who exists. Descartes said it simply: “I think therefore I am.” Emptiness comes first, and then comes consciousness and awareness, and then the thought of self arises, and then comes the thought of all else in relationship to the self. This is known to be true when you have enquired deep enough into the source of the “I am” to uncover what lies prior to it.

Impermanence to permanence To know that the “I am” is a process of thought is the realization of its impermanence, When the mind clears into its original state prior to thought, there is the realization of the permanence of the Absolute, the place out of which “I am” arises.

The “I am” comes and goes with awareness. Therefore, to say that we are all awareness, we have gone far enough into our enquiry.

The “I am” is the thought that we are aware. When we are not aware, we yet continue to exist.

This story is an extract from my book titled 13 Pillars of Enlightenment: How to realize your true nature and end suffering