The Price We Pay When We Raise Our Level of Consciousness (According to Alan Watts)

It’s scary but it’s also liberating

I remember it well.

I had just finished my first tantra retreat and my heart was wide open. I had finally learned to forgive my Dad after 15 years of anger, I had finally learned to accept my body after 15 years of shame, and I had finally stilled my mind after 15 years of anxiety.

For the next few days, I walked around town with an extra spring in my step. I smiled at strangers, I phoned my Dad to tell him I loved him, and I felt way more trust in the universe.

Then a wave of sadness washed over me which was so strong it nearly crushed me.

I scrambled to understand what was going on but my limited awareness wasn’t able to find answers.

Luckily, there have been many spiritual teachers who have walked through fire and come out the other side to share their wisdom.

I was in the middle of my own burning fire so I turned toward one of my favourite teachers — Alan Watts — to seek his advice.

He said:

“There is a price to be paid for every increase in consciousness.

We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.”

The relief his words brought was massive. I was still hurting but I realised my process was normal.

Years prior to that I had subconsciously suppressed anger and forbidden pleasure.

So, when I opened myself up to enjoy more pleasure, I inadvertently opened myself to the possibility of more pain.

“There will always be suffering. But we must not suffer over the suffering” — Alan Watts

I quickly realised a part of me was dying

Because I’d gone through such a transformational experience I realised parts of my old self were dying.

That was both scary and painful.

I didn’t realise it at the time but the wave of sadness that washed over me was grieving the self that was letting go.

It was a strange dichotomy. I felt sad and stuck for being who I was so I looked to change myself. Then once I changed I felt sad and lost to say goodbye.

Fortunately, this didn’t last for long. Soon enough I was back to hugging strangers in the street, telling my family I loved them, and trusting in the universe more and more every day.

Since then, I’ve gone through many transformational experiences thanks to breathwork, psychedelic journeys, plant medicine ceremonies, and tantra workshops.

Each time it happens, the death/re-birthing process becomes a little easier. It still hurts and it’s still scary but I trust the unknown more now so I can sit and discomfort longer.

“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” — Alan Watts

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