Summary

The article reflects on the contrast between the cost of a wedding and the enduring commitment of a marriage, emphasizing that the true value of a lifelong partnership goes beyond the expenses of a single day.

Abstract

The author shares personal insights into the nature of marriage, drawing from the wisdom of their grandmother who has been married for sixty years. The article underscores the importance of focusing on the marriage itself rather than the wedding day, noting that many expensive weddings do not lead to lasting marriages. It criticizes the societal pressure to have a lavish wedding, suggesting that the true essence of marriage is found in shared experiences, humor, and facing life's challenges together. The author advocates for a reevaluation of modern marriage, questioning the correlation between extravagant weddings and successful marriages, and ultimately concluding that love and commitment are the true foundations of a marriage, not the price tag of a wedding.

Opinions

The author believes that the current focus on extravagant weddings is misguided and does not necessarily contribute to a successful marriage.
The grandmother's advice suggests that a balanced approach to decision-making in a marriage is crucial, with a touch of humor to navigate through difficulties.
The article points out that the wedding industry has commercialized love, promoting an ideal that may not align with the realities of a healthy marriage.
The author's personal experience, including their parents' separation, has shaped their view that some relationships are not meant to last, despite the societal expectation of marriage.
The author emphasizes that the true value of marriage lies in emotional stability, commitment, and shared life experiences, rather than the material aspects of a wedding celebration.
The article suggests that the high divorce rate, despite significant spending on weddings, indicates a need for society to reassess what truly constitutes a meaningful marriage.

The Price of a Wedding and The Cost of a Marriage

A wedding is a day, and a marriage is for life

I met my fiance eight years ago. We fell in love and have ridden the rollercoaster ever since. After some thought, we recently decided to seal the deal and get engaged.

But, before I popped the question, I asked my grandma for some timeless wisdom from her sixty-year marriage.

What she told me about love and marriage left me speechless.

A wedding is a day, and a marriage is for life

My grandma is old school. She was born in the Second World War and raised in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

But despite her experience of hardship and conflict, she maintained a life-long marriage and raised a wonderful family.

When we were discussing marriage, she explained how much things had changed.

‘When I got married, I kept a small photo album, so I could show my dearest friends’.

‘Memories were precious, and you held on to these little snippets from your best days’.

But what she said next sent a chill down my spine;

‘You have to remember, a wedding is one day out of your life, yet a marriage is a lifetime’.

I have been to extravagant weddings where hundreds of guests were catered for like royalty. The sad part is they ended in divorce shortly after.

I wonder how many of these couples were focused on the ‘perfect day’ but didn’t consider the rest of their lives?

And I’m not saying that all marriages should work out, either.

My parents separated, so I know from experience that some relationships aren’t meant to be.

But when I observe what marriage has become, I can’t help but see how love has become misconstrued.

Making the big decisions

When reflecting on her marriage, I asked my gran how she had sustained such a long relationship.

She said, honestly, it was easy…

‘Before the night of the wedding, your Grandfather sat me down and said this:’

‘Veronica, you can make all the small decisions, and I’ll make all the big ones’.

I interjected:

‘Sorry, gran, but that seems pretty sexist’.

She laughed and responded:

‘That’s the thing, darling, in sixty years of marriage, we never made a single big decision’.

The truth is a healthy relationship has humour at the heart.

Life is serious, and having someone you get to share your rebellious nature with is a feeling that can’t be bought.

My grandparent's marriage always had humour and sarcasm. No conversation was off the table, despite how uncomfortable or difficult it may have been.

Marriage isn’t only about the fun. It’s about the good, the bad and the ugly. And knowing that whatever life throws at you, you get to tackle it together.

Because the price of a wedding has very little to do with the love that underpins it.

The wedding industrial complex

The average price for a wedding in the UK is now £25,000. (Source) Yet despite the investment made on a wedding day, the divorce rate is the highest it ever has been (Source).

We have been duped into thinking that love costs a lot of money.

The wedding industrial complex has sold a fairytale to people about how their wedding should look and what it should cost.

And whilst I love the idea of a magical day, the reality is the way we are heading isn’t working.

Dreams of a big dress and hundreds of guests throwing confetti aren’t going to save a wedding if you aren’t emotionally stable.

That’s before we throw Instagram and Tinder into the equation.

Whilst weddings are expensive, you pay for a marriage in other ways.

Time, sacrifice, commitment and loyalty can’t be bought. But need to be considered before the big day.

Love for the right reasons

Who am I to judge someone’s wedding or marriage?

It’s not my place to decide how someone chooses to spend their money, but I feel a need to question what marriage has become.

Study the data, and it doesn’t take an analyst to see that marriage for a lot of people has become a picturesque day with a lot less substance.

When I asked my gran about her wedding day, it was no surprise that the costs were low. Not even close to relative spending today.

Her mother made her wedding cake. Her sister tailored her dress, and her wedding flowers were picked from the local woods.

But for her, it was magical.

Because value is subjective.

And despite what the consumerist market has led us to believe, value will always matter more than price.

Final thoughts

We all desire love. We want to fall in love and find someone who sees us for who we truly are.

But love isn’t about a fairytale wedding day; it’s about the following decades.

It’s about showing up when it’s ugly and making a commitment to love one another after the honeymoon is over.

Maybe it’s time we question whether an extravagant wedding correlates with a healthy marriage. Or whether marketing geniuses have twisted our ideas about what love and marriage are all about.

‘A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal’

Unknown.

Thanks for reading.

For more free articles like this, head over to selfhabits.com