The Pressures of Being the Oldest Sibling

And how they affected my personality

When I was two years old, my little sister was born. Then, when I was eleven, another one was born. A year later, my little brother was born.

Growing up, I was always the big sister. I took on that role with grace, I was happy to help or mentor my siblings at every opportunity. I loved being a big sister, especially to the younger ones.

Now, we’ve all heard the stereotypes. Firstborns are responsible and mature. The middle children are social. The youngest ones are crazy. From my experience, this tends to be more true than not.

I was always responsible. Always got good grades, never got into any trouble. My sister was a little wilder, but was still pretty responsible. She just didn’t take things as seriously as I did. The younger ones are still coming into their personalities, but I must say that my youngest sister fits the stereotype of youngest child pretty well — she is hilarious and has a huge personality.

Being the oldest does come with its downsides. First, you’re your parents’ guinea pig. There are tons of rules set, curfews, chores… but when the next kid comes along, they don’t really care about enforcing these anymore.

One example is that I wasn’t allowed to get a cell phone until the eighth grade. I was the last one of my friends to get a phone and I was counting down the days until my thirteenth birthday. By the time I reached that milestone (and my sister was in sixth grade), my parents decided to scratch that rule and get us both phones.

Another example is that I was expected to buy my own car, pay for my insurance/gas and rent when I left for university. I had money saved and was able to do this. My sister, however, is not much of a saver. So, my parents covered most of these costs for her after I was already done paying for all of mine.

Not to mention all of the unpaid babysitting I’ve done in my day…

Another burden is the way you’re expected to set an example for the younger ones. “Don’t have boys over”, “Don’t swear”, “Don’t stay out late — what will your siblings think?”. Not that I did these things, I knew I wanted to be a good example and put this pressure on myself as much as my parents did.

This constant pressure to be perfect bled into my life, even after I moved out. I’ve don’t do drugs, barely drink, barely swear, got a degree, a stable job. I’m not saying that these are bad things. I actually do think that having the pressure of being a good example has helped me reach a lot of my goals. It’s helped me learn to be financially responsible, try hard in school, and be ambitious in my work. It’s helped me be independent and know how to do things without relying on the support of others.

Some studies do prove a correlation between personality traits and birth order. While the fact that I’m the oldest probably did influence my personality, everyone is different and so is every family dynamic.

While it does cause some pressure, it’s fun to have siblings that look up to you. My siblings are all so different, and I learn as much from them as I hope they learn from me. I admire the way that they live life with lower stress. They enjoy spending their hard earned money and indulging in the things they love. Those are the kind of things that I wish I did more of. My siblings really are my best friends and I don’t know what I would do without them.