The Prayer

I need you now

“I’m dying” her words jump out of the screen, assault my senses, I freeze.

Six months and change since I saw her last, life goes on so much has changed now.

I want to beg her, to somehow spark desire, for life and living.

I don’t just want her to fight, I want her to want it, survival. Life.

She sees no light, no happiness, no reason to prolong suffering.

Pain radiates from her, her nerves on fire, her skin burns and crackles.

Even then, there’s more, the physical pales next to such profound heartache.

When ‘forever’ turns to, ‘not now, it’s not right’ and your life’s love is lost.

When someone else makes the choice for you, how do you come out of that fog?

Last October, pills and wine, saved only by dumb luck and circumstance.

Would I have known she was gone? I wonder as she speaks “I should have died.”

My words fail me, I can’t make her understand, her life is everything.

Still she has so much to give, I know because she gave it to me first.

She has been sick for a long time, now finally a diagnosis

leaves her void of hope she doesn’t want to try, there is no cure, no end.

But hope is not gone. There’s a way to live for years, decades to reclaim.

In my head, I beg her to accept the treatment to fight, to thrive, please.

I love her fiercely, I love the goodness of her heart, so my heart breaks.

Her love for people, the way she commits full force her heart so loyal.

I wish she could see the people she’s lifted, how much we care for her.

I wish she could feel our love as a physical presence, she needs it.

She is strong. Full of fire, love and compassion but her spirit wanes.

Lord, help me. I don’t know where to turn, and I need you beside me now.