The Power of “I Don’t Know”

Admitting ignorance to us and others

Admitting Ignorance to Others

I was trained as a physician. During the first two years, all was theoretical. But as with any schooling, we were punished for not knowing. In medicine though, it was relentless. Doctors believed they were doing society a good by weeding out those who didn’t know.

I developed a fear of not knowing.

A few years went by, I started assisting specialists. That is when I heard “I don’t know” for the first time. At first, it came as a shock. But it is an inevitable truth. There will be things physicians will not know.

“Will this medication stop my arthritis from worsening, doctor?” a patient would ask.

“I don’t know ma’am, but I have reason to believe you have what we call good prognosis…” the doctor then would list the positive things in her case.

In some cases, it wasn’t about the prognosis but about the diagnosis.

“What caused my weakness?” asked a patient with progressing muscle weakness.

“I don’t know… could be many things, but in your case, we could narrow it down to alcohol or virus infection. They could have caused an exaggerated immune response in your muscles. But it could be something else. Only God knows,” replied the doctor.

Some were the best in their fields; yet, they were not afraid to say,

“I don’t know.”

It wasn’t an I don’t know out of complete ignorance. They knew the limitations of humans and of the profession.

During my short time as a physician, I said I don’t know plenty of times to my patients. Surprisingly, it increased our rapport. They trusted me for admitting it.

Of course, I explained the why and the extent of my knowledge. Often, I offered alternatives.

It was liberating; it took a weight off my shoulders.

The I-don’t-knows allowed me to go back home and review the material. Was it ignorance on my part? Or simply science hasn’t clarified this further? How could this ignorance impact my patient?

I studied further to improve. But it was the I-don’t-knows that started it all.

In other jobs, I was trusted when I said something. If I said something it meant I knew it. I wasn’t bullshitting. Either I know it or not. If relevant, I clarified the extent of my knowledge and its limitations.

Admitting Your Ignorance to Yourself

Countless worries are born out of the unknown.

What would I do if I get Covid? What would I do if I lose my job? What would I do if…

Even if what we fear is imminent, there are still unknowns. For example, I am covid positive. Will I be one of the few cases that gets worse?

We cannot account for every eventuality. There is always an I don’t know. It is scary.

We were given illusory foresight. But what good is this foresight when we are shortsighted? Like walking through the mist, we may see figures, but we can’t make out what is lurking beyond. It could be an illusion or a real threat.

We don’t know.

How many times have we prepared ourselves for the worst? Along with it, we imagine a domino of tragedies.

This prophetic worst happens. But turns out, it wasn’t as bad as we imagined. We tortured ourselves in vain.

So, when thoughts about the future come, we should familiarize ourselves with the unknown. Not by exploring it, but by acknowledging it. We should become comfortable walking down the mist.

We know our direction. But we don’t know what is coming. That is okay. We can let that anxiety be a compass — a guiding light.

Suddenly, telling ourselves “we don’t know” is a powerful stance. That is where real bravery lies. Not out of lack of fear, but because it doesn’t consume and corrode us. We keep advancing in the face of imminent uncharted territory.

A Meditation for That

Sit down and relax. Close your eyes or gaze at a fixed point. Once settled, let your worries come and tell yourself:

I don’t know.

Breathe in. Feel your muscles relax. Breathe out. Feel those worries leave. What has been bothering you? Something about the future, right?

Let the question come by, but don’t dwell on it. Tell yourself I don’t know.

Will my new relationship work?

I don’t know.

What will my in-laws think if…?

I don’t know.

What will happen if I move somewhere else?

I don’t know.

Whatever occupies your mind, don’t judge it. Remind yourself that you don’t know. Quiet your mind.

Let some of that mist clear. But know that it will never be enough for you to see all eventualities; just enough for you to enjoy your journey.

By exercising and embracing our ignorance, we disarm our thoughts.

Will everything turn out all right?

I don’t know.

Conclusion

Admitting your limitations works in many ways. For one, it serves as a starting point. From there, we can improve ourselves.

Secondly, being familiar with not knowing the future allows us to dwell more comfortably in it. By not knowing we acknowledge our humanity and remove the blindfold; we stop lying to ourselves. We drop the illusory foresight and predictions of what lies beyond the mist.

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