The Power Of Gratitude
This simple practice will change your life
On a sunny September afternoon, I found myself bathing in bliss. My heart was like the Grinch on Christmas morning, expanded beyond all prior boundaries. The intense stress I normally felt had drained away. For the first time in my life, I felt completely free.
When Life Gives You Lemons Make Some Gratitude-Aide
I had just been fired from my job two hours prior to my newfound bliss. Kicked to the curb in the middle of a pandemic and unable to qualify for unemployment, I had no reason to celebrate. Yet there I was, bursting with joy. Liberated. Emancipated. Cut loose from the chains of a toxic job.
At the moment when I heard the words “today is your last day…” I was in shock. The predictable fearful thoughts raced through my head. “How will I pay my bills? How will I care for my kids? I have no insurance now. What if one of us gets sick with COVID?”
But I have trained for this. I have practiced every day to control my responses and to measure my actions against my virtues. And I have my superpower; my gratitude practice. I slammed the company laptop shut, stood up from my home office desk, and walked to the front door. It was time to take a walk.
As soon as I stepped into the sunshine on that warm autumn day I was hit by the reality of the moment. I had manifested my desire for freedom. In the months leading up to my liberation, during my sunrise morning walks, I practiced a simple mantra, “Thank you God for my health, my wealth, and my freedom.” In that moment of awareness, I realized I achieved my freedom.
I also realized I had achieved a level of wealth leading up to this moment, sufficient to support my kids and me for at least 9 months. It wasn’t much but earlier in the year, even before the pandemic hit, I had been drastically cutting my expenses and putting everything into savings.
Of course, I had my health. But now, with the dramatic reduction in daily stress, I could already feel a surge of energy and health. 3 out of 3 desires met with a simple short moment of daily gratitude.
After my walk, I channeled my new energy and joy into a 2-hour bike ride. As I road my mind wanted to go to that dreaded place of fear. It tried to reason with me and convince me that things were really bad and I should start worrying. “You don’t realize how bad this is. You need to start worrying. You need to go straight home and start looking for a new job. You should not be out here enjoying yourself. That is so irresponsible.” And then I would smile and say “thank you.”
The Power of Gratitude
I have found gratitude to be one of the most healing and empowering practices ever. It changes your perception almost immediately. At least it does for me.
Surprisingly though there are a great number of people who don’t feel the same way. They actually have a difficult time experiencing and expressing gratitude. For me it is as natural as breathing, so how could anyone have a problem practicing gratitude. I really wanted to understand this so I did some digging.
My objective was to understand the most common causes for resistance to gratitude. I hoped it would help me coach people on closing the gap between resistance and the joyous benefits of a gratitude practice.
The Enemy Of Gratitude
People often confuse gratitude as the feeling you get after you have what you want. “I’ll be grateful when I get what I want.” It is the same trap as happiness. “I’ll be happy when I find my lover, or when I get a new job, or when I lose the weight.” The true power of gratitude is in the act of gratitude, the expression itself.
The enemy of gratitude is …unworthiness
My friend Diana is a beautiful woman with a pleasing smile and a warm hug. She always seems to find fun things to do and loves spending time with friends. Surely Diana had a great gratitude practice.
Interestingly she did not. She struggled with relationships. Money always seemed to be in short supply. Her work life lacked any sense of fulfillment. Diana spent much of her free time searching for happiness.
Like many people, Diana had the practice of gratitude backward. She acknowledged that she wanted to feel grateful. She was sure she would be grateful as soon as something to be grateful for happened in her life. She also could not see the point in having gratitude for life's difficulties. “Why would I be thankful for the bad things in my life?”
I told her if you are waiting for good things to happen before you can be grateful you will live a very disappointing life. Sadly Diana’s search continues. I conceded. Gratitude can be really hard for some.
Expressions of Gratitude
As I studied the wisdom of my conversations with others on the topic of gratitude it became clear I needed to develop a deeper understanding of my own gratitude practice. I needed to understand the basic nature of gratitude.
The first thing I found is that not all expressions of gratitude are the same. There are different forms of gratitude. Each one has a different effect and its own purpose.
Here are the levels that I have been able to identify in my own practice.
Social Gratitude
Social gratitudes, more commonly referred to as manners, are the most common. This is when you respond in kind when someone holds the door for you or picks up something you dropped. They are simply responsive acts done out of courtesy and are mostly reactionary and expected. These acts do not require any opening of the heart or acknowledgment of another’s good deed to any level of sincerity.
Gift Gratitude
This is when you receive something desired from another person, such as a gift or a favor. When you receive a wonderful gift for your birthday you express heartfelt gratitude for the thoughtfulness and kindness. This form of gratitude comes from the heart. The giver feels a great deal of joy in the giving, so the exchange is both on a physical and emotional level.
Most people enjoy being on both sides of this form of gratitude. However, this can also be misguided. Giving out of obligation can tilt the exchange in the favor of the receiver, which reduces the shared joy.
On the flip side, a well-intended gift can be received poorly by someone who is either uncomfortable with expressing gratitude or who does not value the gift or the giver. There are many other reasons for the receiver being resistant to respond with gratitude, but in all cases, the giving is tilted in favor of the giver.
Issues with being a good receiver include feelings of unworthiness, guilt for not reciprocating, or a poor relationship with the giver, to name a few. On the other hand, the giver could be giving out of obligation and may also feel unworthy of praise for their generosity. This I believe is where the practice of gratitude can be very challenging for people.
Growth Gratitude
Growth gratitude is having the ability to see the good in what would otherwise be an unwanted experience. This is where gratitude has the power to heal and improve the practitioner.
Growth gratitude happens when you are able to see opportunities in unexpected places. This form is very difficult, especially for those with a fixed mindset, a lack of self-awareness, or a pessimistic outlook on life.
A few good examples include getting a flat tire on your way to work and being grateful you have a spare; receiving a bad health diagnosis and embracing the opportunity to care for your body; experiencing the end of a marriage and accepting it as an opportunity to work on some undesirable areas of your life.
You can also extend this to things outside of your control, such as hearing the news of a terrible forest fire and being grateful for the emergency responders and all the lives they saved. Finding things to be grateful for in difficult or unwanted events shifts your thinking mind in a more empowering direction. It has a positive impact on your health as well.
Instead of experiencing more of the stress hormones, you can increase your healthy hormones and take better actions. Ultimately the growth is in your ability to feel good and take positive actions in the wake of a bad experience or news.
Open-Ended Gratitude
This form of gratitude is very powerful and healing. To practice open-ended gratitude you only need to express gratitude without any association. I like using the simple mantra of “Thank You” throughout the day. It is great to use when I feel any negative emotion or feel any kind of stress. This simple act shifts your thoughts and vibration in a more positive empowering direction.
I enjoy using open-ended gratitude on my morning hikes, driving in the car, and in my meditation practice. If you are so inclined, you can add a meaningful benefactor to your mantra; “Thank You God”, or “Thank You Goddess”, or “Thank You
Future Gratitude
Practicing future gratitude is really cool. If you are working towards a goal or desired outcome in any aspect of your life (this should be everyone) you can use this form of gratitude to express thanks for what you want as if it has already happened. This fits in nicely with the practice of acting “as if”.
If you want a healthy body act as if you were someone with a healthy body; “Thank you for my healthy energetic body.” This will change the way you approach your day, how you eat, how you move throughout the day. So with future gratitude, you would express gratitude for having a healthy happy body.
Want a better relationship, act as if you have the best relationship ever, then express gratitude for having a great relationship. Like other forms of gratitude, future gratitude changes the way you think and feel. The simple act of changing your thought patterns will have a huge impact on achieving your desires. Using future gratitude is like a turbo booster for your manifestation practice.
Putting Gratitude Into Practice
So, how do you use the various forms of gratitude as a daily practice? I find the best place to start is with a journal. Write it down. The act of writing puts you in a powerful state to make lasting change. If you do nothing else, make journaling your gratitude a daily ritual. It can be as little as a single line “I am grateful for …”, or as verbose as a list of all the things that make you grateful. Add “Thank You” to your daily mantra. Wear a wristband to remind you throughout the day “ah, right…gratitude. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.”
If you are someone who struggles with gratitude, don’t worry. You don’t need years of therapy to heal your inner child, regress to past lives or rounds of EFT to experience gratitude. These are all fine, but the simple act of saying “Thank You” throughout the day can be a huge game-changer for you. This form of gratitude practice removes any subject from the practice. And since there is nothing attached to it, any issues you may have with feeling worthy are gone. There is nothing to associate with being worthy.
Gratitude Works!
After losing my job I spent the next month hiking, biking, reading, and meditating, all while practicing my gratitude. I found dozens of reasons I was grateful for being fired. I was especially grateful for the person who fired me. I call her ‘my liberator’. I’m sure that was not her intention but it sure puts a smile on my face.
I also did quite a bit of forgiveness. I find the two practices work very well together. I needed to forgive those involved, including myself. Letting go of the past goes well with being grateful that it happened. After all, wisdom is past experiences minus emotion.
Six weeks after my liberation I decided I should probably look for a job. The next day I got a phone call from a recruiter. Three weeks later I started a great new job, working with good people, and doing what I enjoy. The pay is much better too. I can’t say it was the gratitude that made it happen, but I can say it put me in a better state of mind. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading this post.
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