The Power Of Choice
Should I stay in prison or face a felony?
The world we live in nowadays is scary. The violence throughout neighborhoods is growing like never before. If our future looks anything like our politics, we are fucked, right? Throughout my lifetime, I’ve made some deplorable choices. Dad always said, “The choices you make today will reflect the ones you give yourself tomorrow.” I’m 28, but that doesn’t mean shit to a hard-core caring father like mine! He still reminds me that choices are a crucial part of happiness!
Choice to make
My dad always said he loved me before bed. Our family makes sure to tell one another about the love and care we have. We always did. Out of love and respect for my father, I made one choice for him, the hardest one I ever had to make. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Brief and to the point, I’ll share the two choices I had. The one that formed me out to be the man I am today was the ultimate choice.
“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” — Bil Keane
Da Legal Problems
Michigan has a law. Would you imagine that a law! Known as the Holmes Youthful Trainee Act (commonly referred to as HYTA) that gives eligible offenders the chance to get criminal offense(s) dismissed. On day number 343 I finally got the options my lawyer was working so hard on! This is what went down:
Criminals surrounded me at the kiosk reading my message out loud from my lawyer. Not because I’ve asked any of them to either. With tears rolling down my face, I wish I had just listened to my father saying his words; “The choices you make today will reflect the ones you give yourself tomorrow!” SHIT! These are the two choices my lawyer and judge had planned:
- Option 1)-go to prison for another 1.5 years and be a good boy, Don’t get into trouble; you’ll have a review at the end of your time. If the assessment states you haven’t caused any issues while incarcerated, you will get out with no parole, probation, or FELONY.
- Option 2)- get out of jail next week with a felony, and have 2 years probation.
What the Inside was like
These motherfuckers in county jail were all jumping around like chimpanzees once they got the news on me. I was sitting on the 343rd night, talking to my Bunkie Ryan at the time. I needed to figure out what option is best for my future. My parents care about me more than anyone I ever met so why not trust them on this matter? I'll call my dad tomorrow. Little did I know giving him the options over the phone was going to be so damn hard but I done it with the help of surrounding fucktards. I was having trouble speaking clearly, tears dripping on the floor, I got so pissed I broke the kiosk with my fist, yelling the felony is mine, I fucked up. My heart was shattered. If I would have listened to my parents the first time then this story wouldn't exist. My hope is to help you understand the power of choice. Help others also who are stuck in the cycle of the system.
The Ultimate Choice
The power of decisions is bigger than you think.
This was hard but my choice was firm. I woke up on day number 345 ready to tell my parents the news. Next week couldn't come quickly enough. I talked to every inmate, and they all said they would rather take the fat F than go to the joint for another 1.5 years.
“Hey Dad, these were the choices…… I'm ready for you to come get me next week, the last almost year I been stuck inside a 14x12 room with 12 guys, some even sleeping on the floor now dad I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. I'm sorry! — Derek
“Derek, I'm not going to tell you again, you are making the wrong decision and you know it. The choice you make is going reflect your future. NOW you are stronger than you think buddy, you will be okay and in the end it will be worth it I promise you that! — Dad
Judgment Day
Our choice was made.
Crying like a little baby back bitch in the shower when the guys were trying to play cards in my early 20’s was quite the most depowering moment I have ever been in. The expression “It’s like a dog putting his tail between his legs” hit me like never before. Do you know the biggest reason dogs do this is? Fear and anxiousness!
Fear — an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger and accompanied by increased autonomic activity.
Anxiousness — a mental condition characterized by excessive apprehensiveness about real or perceived threats, typically leading to avoidance behaviors and often to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and muscle tension.
Here we go
Imagine if the world around you was dead, everything you use just gone. No toothbrush, no shampoo or wash for hygiene unless you buy it, imagine not having any communication with the people you love for a very long time. No phone, NOTHING! IMAGINE walking a day in my fuckin shoes at that very fearful time In my life. WAIT YOU GOTTA FIGHT TO BE IN MY SHOES here is why.
The morning that I told my lawyer to tell the judge I'm taking option 1 was a huge sorta backstabbing feeling I’d done towards my father's choice. Thankfully 4 days after I made the decision to get the felony, my lawyer, father and I got to talk in a private room up in front of the jail.
The lawyer starts it off by saying —
“The choice is yours Derek and obviously you already made it. I'm here to give you a second chance at answering your options, your dad and I been talking and feel its necessary to go over them again before court tomorrow!”
YOU need to listen to me right now son, if there is anything in this world I need you to listen to its ME right NOW. GO GET THE FELONY OFF YOUR RECORD, do your time, once you get bud you will have endless opportunities! If you decided to make the dumb choice you chose then consider your endless opportunities right out the window. NO PROBATION, NO PAROLE, NO PROBLEMS once you get out of prison buddy, PLEASE LISTEN!
after my emotions stopped flowing out like a water tower explosion my reply was short and sweet —
OK I WILL GO, I can do it I suppose. Im really scared though! I mean at least I will have a unlimited amount of visitation hours IN PERSON, able to hug and play board games vs look at you through the window will be great in all guys. What about me just getting out tomorrow with a felony. Like this a choice that adds a lot more timeout time to the bad motorcycle of substance abuse I was riding every single day. I guess I been sober now for 6 months and my addiction wants me back out on the streets so either choice I make guys, im fearful as fuck and still feel I'm in the cycle of addiction, so lets take a timeout from the real world for eighteen long months, Ill work on myself so when that time comes Ill be more ready for the real world!
Over the intercom, the lieutenant at 2am says, which everyone in the whole jail could hear, or were sleeping but either way, the fuckin prick said this to me:
— Pack your shit your getting shipped away
This hurt, I just got a full bag of commissary the night before. Not allowed to pack up the food and drink I just bought made me pissed off so I shoved one bag of butterscotch candies in my underwear!
No lie I was in jail because of drugs, If it wasn't for the fucking drugs I done throughout my lifetime I wouldn't have ever had to sleep with no pillow or blankets for a year. On a metal bunk, sometimes on the floor. I had to really ask myself if I should listen to my dad, my body was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just wanted out asap. Unfortunately, I'm telling you from this shitty experience that I wasn't done yet.
Prison was nothing but terrible for me. Terrible for anyone. WHY? Brief to the point here is why.
- makes better criminals
- More drugs in prison than jail
- More violence I experienced- the choice I made to fight a gang member because HE wanted to kill me for splitting him and his members walking to the chow hall
I simply walked in between a 10 ft. gap between two different groups of people, I walked faster, new to the prison I was excited for the food so walking in between a huge gap of people — WRONG CHOICE.
Fearful of my life
Getting back after chow I talked to my roommate about what just was said to me because I had no clue at the time prison slang.
- Go to the box, jump on yard, give me your shoes.
Giving him my new shoes was the first thing I wanted to do. My roommate talked me into what was best for my stay. If I would have gave him my shoes he would have used me as a bitch boy the 80 weeks straight I had left. So coming from a more experienced fuckup I fought that guy. After yard was the time we were boxing down.
“I had my lunch packed pack and my boots tied tight, hopefully, I don't get into a fight” — Billy Madison
Hands In front of my face like my roommate taught me, FUCK the ole Bunkie was right! The guy came in bouncing around like a damn kangaroo. I didn't know how to fight at all, let alone fight a 250-pound bouncing guy who probably killed someone. I'm alive now thats all that matters.
“The love of money is the root of all evil.” — The Bible
The quote above is a fact. Everyone I ever talked to in prison was there over money obligations. I don't give a shit if you believe in the bible or not, it's a factual quote from quite the most reliable book of information if you ask me.
The Ultimate Choice that led me to where I gratefully stand today with no Felony on my record was my dad's choice for me as I said he wanted my future to be bright. Thanks, Dad I will forever love you for loving me so much!
The time would go so fast in prison vs jail. The day I got out when my sister picked me up we had to stop three times while driving because I was so carsick! Ya puking out the door because I haven't been in a vehicle for years it was a fuckin different type of sickness. I am very grateful my father has been there for me my entire life. Support from loved ones is huge!
I have addressed that this world we live in nowadays is just in a fatherhood crisis.