The Power of Asking a Question

Finding happiness might just be a question away.

A couple of years ago, a friend looked at me and asked an important question. “Are you happy?”

I honestly didn’t know how to respond. I’m not a very emotional person, so I’m usually not aware of what I’m feeling at any given time. I have to slow down and really think about it before I’m able to identify how I’m feeling.

He laughed at me as I sat there with a scrunched face trying to figure out how to answer the question. I told him I didn’t know and that I would have to think about it.

Though that was a few years ago, I still think about that conversation often. My friend was able to express exactly how he was feeling in that moment. He knew what brought him joy and had no problem identifying whether he was happy or not. Answering that question was a no-brainer for him. He lives his life and makes his decisions based on what brings him happiness.

But happiness had never been a factor in my decision-making. I wanted achievement and success and security. If happiness was a byproduct, then so be it, but it was never going to be the thing I was searching for. Happiness has never been the main factor in any of my major life choices.

Since that conversation, “Are you happy?” has started to influence my day-to-day life.

Before everything shut down last year, this question changed how I got dressed for work in the morning. I used to ask “What makes me look good?” or “What makes me look skinny?” and would always feel frustrated while choosing an outfit. I wasn’t dressing in a way that I liked but in an effort to impress someone else.

When I started to include pieces in my wardrobe that just made me happy, getting dressed for work didn’t feel like such a slog.

“Are you happy?” became more important in my life when I started to work from home. I had to find moments of joy within my apartment or my neighborhood. I started taking daily walks around my block, which ended up being some of my happiest moments of the year. I wasn’t able to control my schedule or much that happened with my job, but I could relish that time outside, walking around my quaint little neighborhood.

As the cold weather rolled in, that joyful practice of walking outside was taken away. And it hit me pretty hard. After wallowing in my negative emotions for a little while, I asked myself this question what might bring me joy. It’s funny that I knew immediately what it was: running. I was a little surprised by that, but I’ve run with it (pun intended).

So, nearly every morning of 2021 I’ve rolled out of bed and run on the treadmill before starting my day. It’s not always a fun thing in the moment, but my getting healthier makes me happy. The sense of accomplishment when I see my stamina growing brings me joy.

Few of us have the luxury of being able to quit our jobs and go travel around the world to bring us joy. But I think that finding happiness is probably a lot more practical than that.

Joy can be found in little moments in our day. Happiness can be found in the simple choices we make — what we wear, eat, do for fun.

I’m learning that happiness isn’t limited to grand gestures or extravagant events. Joy can be infused throughout our days if we’re willing to look for it.

I want to ask you the same question my friend asked me, without any judgment or pressure. Are you happy?