FICTION

The Point of No Return

A situation, a moment in life when everything falls in place. She asks: «Do you want to have children with me?»

“I need to know,” she said, “are you serious about this?”

“Well,” I said. “Why are you asking?”

“Are you?” she repeated. “Seriously, tell me.”

I looked at her. Her eyes met mine. She did not blink her eyes. The gaze was clear as glass. I liked what I saw. The twinkle in the eye, the seriousness behind. I wondered if I should ask her again why she asked that question.

I had met her a couple of weeks earlier. Now she was lying next to me. Close, looking at me with a question in her eyes.

I looked back at her. The hair flowed over the pillow. I saw her lips smiling. I had the feeling she was going to say more; something important, something not trivial.

I closed my eyes, perhaps because of my expectations, perhaps because I did not want to hear her next words.

My thoughts went a couple of weeks back in time. That night out in the city, in the club where we met.

I saw her standing on the floor, talking with a woman. I remember the moment as if it was yesterday. From that very moment, I had no doubt at all. I knew there was something. There was something in her, and the one thing I knew for sure was that I did not want to lose sight of her.

I approached, I asked her to dance. She turned her head, looked quickly at me.

«Wait!” she said. “Just wait a moment!»

And she continued the conversation with the person in front of her.

I stood there behind her, waiting. She was talking, talking, but I felt confident she had not forgotten me.

Three minutes, five minutes, perhaps six, seven. Then, suddenly, she turned towards me. She seemed a little surprised. As if she saw me for the first time.

«Oh! You’re still there!»

I did not know how to reply. I could not find the appropriate answer. I nodded, I smiled. A slightly foolish smile, I guess.

I saw her face on the pillow. The hint of a smile was still there. Behind the smile I sensed seriousness. I was excited to hear what was coming. At the same time, I did not feel like it. Would rather not hear.

«Before we go on with this,» she said.

«Yes?»

«There’s something I need to know .»

I lent back, looked her deep into the eyes. I nodded.

“Yes,” I said. “Please let me know. What do you need to know?”

“Well, you know,” she said. “With my age, I do not have time to waste anymore.”

I smiled at her. Waiting for the next words.

“Do you really, really mean this? Is it serious?”

I nodded. I said:

“Yes, I am. I’m serious about you.”

After that moment we started to be together at every possible moment. After four days she came at lunchtime with me to my apartment. I made coffee. We had a small meal. We talked. I reached out to her. We talked a lot. She met me. I felt perfect. We were perfectly relaxed. I liked her eyes, I loved to look at her face. A mixture of seriousness and joy, a warming smile.

She stayed over the night. Then she stayed the following night, and the nights thereafter.

It was one of those nights she lent back and looked at me. A serious look and she was waiting for an answer:

«Before we go on with this,» she said.

«Yes?» I said. “You already asked me that question.”

“Well, really — you really have to tell me…I need to know, are you serious about me?”

“Well,” I said. “Why are you asking?”

“Are you?” she repeated. “Seriously, tell me, I need to hear you say it.”

I smiled at her. She smiled back, but the question persisted in her gaze.

«Yeah, I need to know,» she said, «do you want to have children with me?»

«Yes, I do,» I said, without hesitation.

She looked at me. Directly, as if she was going to see through me. She gave me a long glance.

Then she smiled. She approached, gave me a hug.

That was the decisive moment, the point of no return. I liked her. Neither I nor she wanted to stop, to pause, or end what we had started.

Since that moment, after these two weeks and much of our time ever since, we have been close to each other, in periods we’ve spent our time together, almost 24/7.

When I think back it is like something unreal, like some fairy tale I’ve heard or read. During the few hours when we were separated because she went to her university course, or I had to go to work, I felt alone and lost as I had never felt before. I was thinking of her incessantly, I felt incomplete when I was not with her.

Since then, a lot of water has flowed into the sea. We have experienced sunny days and holidays in the heat of the south. We have had deep conversations, intimate closeness, we have experienced love, great sex, and wonderful orgasms.

We have become closely linked to each other. And of course, we have experienced crises of trust, anger, hatred, and disappointment. We have had children, two girls and then a boy, we have comforted and helped them and also each other. We have had quarrels, and we have approached each other again through dialogue, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

All these years. When I think of it. One word. Gratitude.

That’s what life was, my life. Our life.

This is what life is.

Øivind H. Solheim is a novel author and a nature photographer from Norway who loves writing fiction, poetry, essays, and articles helping others understand life, other humans, and themselves. He has published six novels, two non-fiction books, and a poetry book.

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