LIFE LESSONS

The Pitfalls of Concealing Our Achievements — It’s Just Not Helpful

People who surprisingly hide accomplishments minimize their importance and themselves

I recently added a Ph.D. at the end of my name on my social media bios. It was a small change—three letters, to be exact—but one that I hesitated to make.

Why? I didn’t want to come across as boastful or elitist. I didn’t want to seem like I was parading my intellect for all to see, concerned about appearing arrogant and fearing potential judgment.

Bottom line: I was afraid of what people might think, and not in a good way.

I realized my hesitation stemmed from society’s tendency to discourage women from proudly owning and voicing their skills and educational attainments. I vividly recall my mother telling me in high school that if anyone were to attend a university, it should be my brother.

After all, he would be expected to provide for a family. According to her, my role would be to marry and raise the children, so what did I need college for? She questioned the legitimacy of me or any woman pursuing higher education, condemning it as unnecessary and a waste of time long before I ever left home.

Sadly, I carried those judgments with me for decades.

Breaking the silence and opening up

Unfortunately, I was downgrading myself by not acknowledging and owning my accomplishments. I continued mirroring those sentiments my mother expressed all those years ago.

By hiding my degree and minimizing its importance, I was doing a disservice to all the hard work and dedication that went into earning it.

It took me ten years to finish that thing, with some stops and starts for personal and health reasons.

As one of the 1.1% worldwide and 2% in the U.S. with a doctorate, it’s a recognition I should feel grateful for and not afraid or ashamed of. Yet, I feared others would perceive me negatively.

Perhaps some will, but should I let that deter me?

Accepting our talents

Here’s the thing: Sharing your wins with others does not make you arrogant or elitist. It means that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. The truth is that being open about our successes can inspire and empower others.

And, especially as women, we need to lift each other up and celebrate one another.

Society has taught women to be humble and take care of others. This includes seeing ourselves as less intelligent.

A recent study found females at five years old didn’t distinguish a difference between gender and intelligence. However, within a year, something significantly changed when the girls started to categorize boys as smarter.

The hidden impact

This sounds like a study from 1950, but it’s actually from 2017. Girls are still getting the message that they are not as bright as boys, and it’s happening by first grade.

It’s not a mystery that they grow up to become part of the 69% or 7 out of 10 women who avoid openly sharing their triumphs with others, preferring to downplay their milestones and victories.

Luckily, women 18 to 34 are more likely to self-promote and find inspiration from the life experiences of other women.

I take this as a positive sign for future generations. They have the right mindset because acknowledging our talents is our gift not only to ourselves but to others to learn from as well.

Finding and giving inspiration

I recently watched two movies about teaching under extremely challenging circumstances. The first starred Matthew Perry in The Ron Clark Story. The second featured Edward James Olmos as a high school teacher in Stand and Deliver.

Both are excellent movies that I’d recommend based on actual teachers if you haven’t seen them.

In The Ron Clark Story, his unconventional methods and belief in the potential of his students lead to tremendous academic success for a class of underprivileged kids.

Similarly, in Stand and Deliver, there’s a massive transformation of a group of struggling inner-city students. They all go on to ace the AP calculus test because of their teacher’s unwavering belief in their abilities.

These educators fight the system, colleagues, the principal, and parents to help them see what they believe these individuals have to offer.

Eventually, the kids start to see themselves through the eyes of their teachers without all those limiting beliefs that had been imposed upon them for most, if not all, of their lives.

These movies reinforce the importance of embracing our talents and building one another up. Their message profoundly resonated with me, striking a chord due to a personal experience.

From humility to confidence

When I graduated high school, one of my favorite English teachers gave me a congratulatory card. It said, “I wish you could see yourself the way others see you.” It took me a long time to understand and accept what she meant by that.

One of my loudest and proudest moments happened to be when I finished my Ph.D. Yours might involve your children, spouse, retirement, current job, volunteer work, grandkids, being an author, or some other cause you devoted yourself to.

We all achieve significant feats that we should cheer for bravely and boldly.

Final thoughts

No matter the goal, whether personal or professional, we should celebrate those moments, big and small. That means sharing my Ph.D. — not hiding or burying it out of fear of being seen as bragging and unrelatable.

So, take a moment to reflect on your successes, and shout it from every open window you can find.

Let the wind carry your voice to share your accomplishments with everyone around you. We can all learn from one another’s experiences and be inspired.

After all, that’s what we do each and every time we publish or tell our stories.

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© 2024 Bette A. Ludwig: All rights reserved.