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fallible self. That it was still a struggle at times, and that I needed consistent practice.I’ve done a lot of work on myself since 2019. I have learned to sit in my feelings, in silence, and where the former Linda would have railed against and shut down from positivity, I now know that 24/7 positivity is not real nor genuine. Yes, you can be positive, and I am more inclined to be authentically positive with everyone else, except for the person who matters most. Me.I can see the good in everyone else. I can see the talent and beautiful aura in my friends and colleagues. The promise in a new author and their storytelling. I know their worth. I can dance in the smile of the cashier at the petrol station, and how she makes everyone feel seen, just by taking the time to ask about their day, their dog, or their kids. I know deep in my bones how someone’s day is just from reading their energy. It’s a blessing and a curse, because while I’m not always attuned or allowing for my own feelings, I could distract myself by focusing on others — putting their oxygen mask on first and ignoring my own.<blockquote id="fbff">It’s in the doing. It’s in the sitting with your thoughts and highlighting those that will not move you forward. It’s celebrating the actions, no matter how small, that accumulate and begin to shift you into a higher frequency, a more positive vibration.</blockquote>What I realised today, a day filled with sunshine, is that while I can portray outward positivity, I could not maintain that inner positivity without action. It’s in the action, the taking the steps that scare you, that get you through those days when the sunshine seems almost impossible. And, if you’re an all or nothing person like I was, it’s the little steps that can bring you out of the cycle of guilt, of feeling unworthy or not enough.It’s in the doing. It’s in the sitting with your thoughts and highlighting those that will not move you forward. It’s celebrating the actions, no matter how small, that accumulate and begin to shift you into a higher frequency, a more positive vibration. The saying “practice makes perfect” rings true, and it requires consistent practice, and even when you think you’ve mastered it, a hiccup or obstacle can show you the practice is not over. It’s never over, and it shouldn’t be. Every day can bring a new lesson, or a reiteration of an old one that we had once learned. It takes practice, repetition, and perseverance to get back on track if you’ve fallen off or embrace a completely new, more authentic-to-you path.I’m in a constant state of learning, lessons and exercises I’d tucked away on the bookshelf in my back bedroom needed to come out again, splayed open across my desk or coffee table to review, revise, shift, and pivot.What did I learn today? After a feeling of overwhelm that left me in tears and not sure which way to turn, I opened up my Gratitude journal and set aside time to revive and rejuvenate the practices I had started, that held me in good stead, and pivoted my old way of thinking — of being an inauthentic positive person — I learned that being positive is one thing and taking action is another, for the best results, the two go hand-in-hand. I reac

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hed out and showed my vulnerability to an associate well-versed and tuned in to how psyches work, how my mindshift, while on its way, had not yet reached its elevated state.Here is my promise to myself to:Devise a new schedule to embrace each day, carving out time for meditation and self-reflection, as well as tackling those tasks that pop up. It doesn’t have to be exact, but it should give time for regular rituals to help me feel more grounded and in control.Write out gratitudes in the morning and evening, giving light to the good, and feeling thankful for what has already happened and what will come forth in the future — as Genevieve Behrend explained in Your Invisible Power, envision the future goal as if it’s already been achieved.Go back to my lists, whether it’s a to-do list or a list of my life’s accomplishments and attributes. I’ll recite these in the mirror, my focus not shifting from my eyes. I will recite these until I whole-heartedly agree with them, and then afterwards to keep me growing and glowing.Start each day fresh from “mistakes,” perceived or otherwise. Today is a new day, a slate wiped clean. I can only change the present, not the past, and I certainly don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future.Laugh. Laugh often and proud. Whatever strikes my fancy. Laughter really is the best medicine (it was the title of a column in the Reader’s Digest copies of my childhood), and it still holds true. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or ungrounded, I promise to take a break, a breather and immerse myself in videos, books or memes that make me laugh.Dance. In my kitchen, living room, back garden. I will dance with abandon to shake myself awake, to enjoy movement, light, and love.Walk. I have a wooded area steps away from me, and while limited in winter, it’s now time to get out and shake it up. Stretch my legs and imagination, to get me out of the same-old, same-old way of thinking and looking at situations. It may be a break from my to-do list, but it’s needed to breathe, shift and pivot — to look at a situation from another angle that I may not find while sitting at my computer, staring at a blank screen.Set boundaries where they’re needed and make myself a priority. It’s that damn oxygen mask again. It was a lesson I thought I had learned, and one that I must continue to study.Press PUBLISH on articles or send an email once I’ve got it down to the best of my abilities. No more second- and third-guesses. Action. And then step away and let the universe take over. But first, I must release the perfectionism hold. How can I make any move if I’m not willing to let go and move into action?Positivity does not live in a vacuum or a windowless room. It lives in the here-and-now, in nature, in reflection and in action. That is where I intend to live, not to rent or to visit on occasional vacations. It’s in the present, in how we respond to the inevitable challenges, and in the agreements we make with ourselves to pivot, pivot, pivot — and to forgive those missteps that can happen in any journey.</article></body>

The Perfect Positivity Paradigm

My lesson in toxic positivity

I used to be an “all or nothing” type of person. I would be gung-ho over a project and work day and night — I was obsessed with whatever task or project that had inspired me. What I learned was that this obsessive state was not healthy nor sustainable because, well, life got in the way.

Time constraints, mood and even motivation caused me to fall off track, and because of this “all or nothing” attitude, projects that had initially occupied my mind and my every waking moment would fall way, guilt would set in, feelings of inadequacy would follow, and the cycle would continue.

Then there was the perfectionism paradigm. I had to be perfect — the first time. I sat on projects, manipulating, and maneuvering them ever so slightly because, to me, they were not yet perfect. I deferred decisions because I felt they were not quite right. It was never good enough. Yet. And because of this, I would be judged. The harshest critic, however, was me — that I wasn’t good enough. Worthy.

The same can be said for maintaining a positive outlook. And, for over a year, positivity was my go-to. I was obsessed with putting forth a positive attitude. I exuded positivity 24/7. All my social media posts shone with positivity, but what I failed to realise was that while positivity is important, there are days, hours and minutes when my inner critic raised its voice and old paradigms shifted and wormed back in to take me down. The biggest lesson was that I allowed it — to change my frequency — and to spur a reaction instead of an even-keeled response.

No one would have ever suspected it, or so I thought. My Facebook and Instagram posts still reflected that golden hue of enlightenment. And I was enlightened. Most days. But those closest to me knew. They knew because there were days unaccounted for, where I went dark. Off-grid. I closeted myself up in my wee cottage and hibernated. I missed online zooms. I let the dishes pile up. My schedule and my to-do lists, for which I was vigilant about following, had only a few ticks in the checkbox instead of the previous page upon page of ticks. It was all or nothing.

Then, something shifted, and it came from a lesson of forgiveness. For myself. For my reaction to the extended lockdown and the knowledge that I would not have real-life encounters with my friends and family in Canada, and outside of my 5-mile radius. The online connections are what have saved me over the last year, and the fact that this time has allowed my creativity process to flourish. I released the “all or nothing” mentality that had been my nemesis for so long.

I realised I was enveloped in toxic positivity — forcing it and not being authentic to how I was really feeling. I was showing one side of myself (the perceived perfect side) and not my fallible self. That it was still a struggle at times, and that I needed consistent practice.

I’ve done a lot of work on myself since 2019. I have learned to sit in my feelings, in silence, and where the former Linda would have railed against and shut down from positivity, I now know that 24/7 positivity is not real nor genuine. Yes, you can be positive, and I am more inclined to be authentically positive with everyone else, except for the person who matters most. Me.

I can see the good in everyone else. I can see the talent and beautiful aura in my friends and colleagues. The promise in a new author and their storytelling. I know their worth. I can dance in the smile of the cashier at the petrol station, and how she makes everyone feel seen, just by taking the time to ask about their day, their dog, or their kids. I know deep in my bones how someone’s day is just from reading their energy. It’s a blessing and a curse, because while I’m not always attuned or allowing for my own feelings, I could distract myself by focusing on others — putting their oxygen mask on first and ignoring my own.

It’s in the doing. It’s in the sitting with your thoughts and highlighting those that will not move you forward. It’s celebrating the actions, no matter how small, that accumulate and begin to shift you into a higher frequency, a more positive vibration.

What I realised today, a day filled with sunshine, is that while I can portray outward positivity, I could not maintain that inner positivity without action. It’s in the action, the taking the steps that scare you, that get you through those days when the sunshine seems almost impossible. And, if you’re an all or nothing person like I was, it’s the little steps that can bring you out of the cycle of guilt, of feeling unworthy or not enough.

It’s in the doing. It’s in the sitting with your thoughts and highlighting those that will not move you forward. It’s celebrating the actions, no matter how small, that accumulate and begin to shift you into a higher frequency, a more positive vibration. The saying “practice makes perfect” rings true, and it requires consistent practice, and even when you think you’ve mastered it, a hiccup or obstacle can show you the practice is not over. It’s never over, and it shouldn’t be. Every day can bring a new lesson, or a reiteration of an old one that we had once learned. It takes practice, repetition, and perseverance to get back on track if you’ve fallen off or embrace a completely new, more authentic-to-you path.

I’m in a constant state of learning, lessons and exercises I’d tucked away on the bookshelf in my back bedroom needed to come out again, splayed open across my desk or coffee table to review, revise, shift, and pivot.

What did I learn today? After a feeling of overwhelm that left me in tears and not sure which way to turn, I opened up my Gratitude journal and set aside time to revive and rejuvenate the practices I had started, that held me in good stead, and pivoted my old way of thinking — of being an inauthentic positive person — I learned that being positive is one thing and taking action is another, for the best results, the two go hand-in-hand. I reached out and showed my vulnerability to an associate well-versed and tuned in to how psyches work, how my mindshift, while on its way, had not yet reached its elevated state.

Here is my promise to myself to:

Devise a new schedule to embrace each day, carving out time for meditation and self-reflection, as well as tackling those tasks that pop up. It doesn’t have to be exact, but it should give time for regular rituals to help me feel more grounded and in control.

Write out gratitudes in the morning and evening, giving light to the good, and feeling thankful for what has already happened and what will come forth in the future — as Genevieve Behrend explained in Your Invisible Power, envision the future goal as if it’s already been achieved.

Go back to my lists, whether it’s a to-do list or a list of my life’s accomplishments and attributes. I’ll recite these in the mirror, my focus not shifting from my eyes. I will recite these until I whole-heartedly agree with them, and then afterwards to keep me growing and glowing.

Start each day fresh from “mistakes,” perceived or otherwise. Today is a new day, a slate wiped clean. I can only change the present, not the past, and I certainly don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future.

Laugh. Laugh often and proud. Whatever strikes my fancy. Laughter really is the best medicine (it was the title of a column in the Reader’s Digest copies of my childhood), and it still holds true. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or ungrounded, I promise to take a break, a breather and immerse myself in videos, books or memes that make me laugh.

Dance. In my kitchen, living room, back garden. I will dance with abandon to shake myself awake, to enjoy movement, light, and love.

Walk. I have a wooded area steps away from me, and while limited in winter, it’s now time to get out and shake it up. Stretch my legs and imagination, to get me out of the same-old, same-old way of thinking and looking at situations. It may be a break from my to-do list, but it’s needed to breathe, shift and pivot — to look at a situation from another angle that I may not find while sitting at my computer, staring at a blank screen.

Set boundaries where they’re needed and make myself a priority. It’s that damn oxygen mask again. It was a lesson I thought I had learned, and one that I must continue to study.

Press PUBLISH on articles or send an email once I’ve got it down to the best of my abilities. No more second- and third-guesses. Action. And then step away and let the universe take over. But first, I must release the perfectionism hold. How can I make any move if I’m not willing to let go and move into action?

Positivity does not live in a vacuum or a windowless room. It lives in the here-and-now, in nature, in reflection and in action. That is where I intend to live, not to rent or to visit on occasional vacations. It’s in the present, in how we respond to the inevitable challenges, and in the agreements we make with ourselves to pivot, pivot, pivot — and to forgive those missteps that can happen in any journey.