The Perfect Person to Love You Is “You”
Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and be who you are — Brene Brown.
Your Life = Your Responsibility.
“No, I can’t come to the reunion. I have to take care of my kids.” I heard Nisha’s faint voice from the other side of the call.
I was not willing to let it go easily this time. I stood my ground and insisted, “You should come. You have missed many such occasi….”
Without letting me complete, Nisha flipped, “NO, I can not! Don’t you get that?”
She continued, “You don’t know my absence cripples my family. The other day, I went to meet my mother for a day! For a single fucking day! And you won’t believe the havoc my bloody house was in. I feel I am indispensable. Every single day, I have to make many arrangements. Leaving this work is a lot of headache. So, please excuse me.” She shrugged in a defensive mode.
We hung up. I was worried about her. “Did she say Indispensable!” It had me thinking.
She was not the same person I knew. Once a fun-filled girl was reduced to a slave—either of her mind or house. Life continued and I forgot all about this discussion until recently.
A few months back, it shocked me when she confided that doctors had diagnosed her with aggressive cancer. When I met her, she sobbed like a child, regretting her way of living.
I specifically remember her saying, “You know Ruchi, I always wanted to be a free bird. I don’t know when, and how I clipped my feathers.”
I felt sad for her. There was nothing I could do. I saw her helplessness in her last days. It was disheartening.
Nisha succumbed last month.
Do you also think that you are indispensable in other’s life?
After she passed away, I met her family to offer my condolences and my help or support if they need any. I asked her husband how is he managing.
All I heard was, “We are coping with her loss. It wasn't easy to manage everything without her. So, we have hired maids and babysitters. They now take care of the house and kids.”
That’s it!
Grief was there. But it did not stop them from living their lives; with some adjustments, they could cope up.
All it required were some maids, and she would have been free to live her life. Didn’t she think of that? Was she really indispensable?
What this implies to you:
Nobody other than you is the most important person. You are the most precious person to you.
Treat yourself the way you treat your best friend. You deserve the most love. Only then can you distribute that beautiful love. Don’t starve yourself of it.
A beggar can’t distribute money. You can lavishly spend only when you have money in abundance. Same goes with happiness.
Fill yourself with love, so it effortlessly overflows through you. Fill yourself with happiness if you really want others to be happy. It all starts with you!
Do you postpone your plans for the sake of others?
My mother has always sacrificed herself for the sake of her family. I suppose every mother does that. But is that really necessary?
I wonder how things might have turned up for her if she could make herself a priority. I constantly remind her to do what she wants to do. Still, she postpones many of her plans, so it suits everybody.
Love is a crucial ingredient in any relationship. But at what cost?
Definitely not at the stake of self. No way!
Many delay their happiness and mold it according to the surrounding people. In the process, you get lost somewhere.
You bury the most important person, i.e. You.
What this implies to you:
Don’t make yourself a second-class citizen. Prioritize what needs to be done. Make yourself the number 1 priority.
Give yourself permission to be you.
Your partner, children, parents, friends can wait. Once you decide who you want to be and live accordingly, they will adjust according to you no matter what they think.
Learn to say ‘No’ when it crosses your limit. Nobody should make you feel that you are not your priority.
The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy — it’s all that matters. — Audrey Hepburn
Can you list any hobby of yours that you still enjoy doing?
During childhood, we all loved our favorite pass times. For me, it was painting. I’d rush to paint or sketch whenever I had free time. No matter how horrible it looked.
I did not do it for anybody else but myself. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I still do.
The hobbies which you cultivate are your inner creativity flowing.
Do you still channel your inner expression? Or is it a thing of the past?
It is beautiful to explore the myriad of expressions hidden deep inside you. Everyone is unique. Every heart wants to express itself in different ways. Don’t become a hindrance.
What this implies to you:
Set aside a dedicated time for yourself. Even if it means half an hour, but that time slot is solely for your expression through any activity.
You can paint, sing, dance, do embroidery, pottery, gardening, jogging, cooking, reading, anything with which your heart resonates.
If you had no interest, then start exploring various activities. Don’t confine yourself to any set of standards.
Do what you enjoy. It is a fun-filled time for you. Devour every second of it.
A hobby a day keeps the doldrums away. — Phyllis McGinley
Do you constantly need people around you?
Once I overheard my cousin saying, “Oh, I can’t remain alone. Loneliness kills me.”
When you can’t tolerate your own company, how can you expect others to enjoy your companionship?
Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” — May Sarton
You don’t need people to complete you. Outside distractions are pulling you away from your center. Nobody is permanent, and nothing outside of you will remain as it is right now.
To love and accept others, you need to love and accept the way you are—no need to run and hide behind others. Learn to sit with yourself. Appreciate your company. You are not that bad. Are you?
What this implies:
When you accept yourself, you start to relish your own company. You don’t need anyone’s approval or love to complete yourself or to feel loved.
In silence, you connect with your spectacular self, the true essence with which you are made- Love.
Meditation is an incredible way to connect with yourself. This simple technique of Breath bead meditation can be done anywhere, anytime.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. — Thich Nhat Hahn
Takeaway:
The responsibility to make yourself happy lies with you. Don’t expect others to fulfill it. Ultimately, your life is a journey that starts with you and ends with you. Make the ride worthwhile. Cherish it.
There are two ways to enjoy it, decide which one do you want:
- Buckle up the safety gear in the seat of the Ferris wheel, experiencing every up and down.
2. Rest firmly stable at the center of that same Ferris wheel (your being), extending your arms of love to every seated family member and friend.
It is a gradual journey. We are so accustomed to love outside of ourselves that it requires time and a constant reminder.
Nourish your heart with the soil, manure, water, and sunshine of self love to bloom the flower of Love. Let it spread its exquisite fragrance wherever you go.
Give yourself a kiss. If you want to hold the beautiful one, hold yourself- Rumi.
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