Communication Tips & Tricks

The Perception Glasses

Look at the world with other people’s glasses.

How many times have we encountered situations in which someone’s attitude or behaviour seemed to us decidedly out of place, almost annoying or completely out of line with our canons?

I don’t think I’m telling anything new by talking about this, I know, you could say it’s in human nature.

I agree of course, but what does that mean exactly? And can we manage this state of annoyance towards our neighbour, or do we have to suffer it and just hope that the nerves hold up to the end?

Let’s say that to find the answer to these questions it is first necessary to understand a couple of concepts, which may seem trivial, but maybe at the end, they are not so trivial after all.

Let’s start with an easy example.

When we wear someone else’s glasses for fun, we are almost always amazed by the annoyance we feel. Of course, they are not ours, so it’s very unprobeable that we can feel in comfort with those glasses on our nose.

My little daughter jokingly yelled at me a couple of days ago “ WOW Pa, How can you see with these glasses?”

Yet for every person the world, without his own glasses, is not defined at all.

Is it possible that something that bothers us so much could improve someone else’s life?

Well! what we said right now about the glasses is also true for what I (and surely not only I) call the “Perception Glasses”.

Without making too many Pindaric flights, we simply define “perception” as the final product of the sensory processing of information, we perceive heat or cold as well as we perceive hate and love and so on.

Without bothering too much with the great theories of scientists on this subject, we can simplify by saying that it is quite intuitive the importance of personal experiences on perceptions.

If we have been satisfied with a past experience, or vice versa if we have been burned by it, our unconscious will provide a distorted key to value a new similar experience.

I have obviously simplified a lot, if you are willing to deepen these fascinating theories you can do so by consulting psychology and sociology manuals.

I personally prefer to fly a little lower and have a nice conversation on this theme trying instead just to understand how what is just said can help us to improve the efficiency of our communication with others.

If you want to keep the rudder of communication direction firmly in your hands, first of all, it would be necessary to be aware of what is your character, your positioning, I’m not talking about brand positioning but about our positioning in a behavioural model matrix.

The most common available also for a free assessment on the internet is called DISC, you can try to google it.

It is mainly composed of four quadrants in which the various character facets of each of us are represented, a bit like when we take a sheet of paper from the printer and make a big cross on it, obtaining a central point and four squares two above and two below.

The awareness of how we are positioned on this interesting grid, allows us not only to identify and therefore fully govern what are our personal tempers, but also gives us suggestions that if well applied and if we are gifted with self-critical ability and instinct of observation, allow us to position ourselves with respect to the person in front of us, understanding the distances that separate us and the aspects that bind us, thus allowing us to relate as effectively as possible, creating less friction and reaching a common point of understanding that is always the best way to conduct a dialogue or a negotiation.

When we relate to someone that has character lying on a different quadrant from our own, our perception, but also that of our interlocutor, is completely distorted, going back to the conversation of the glasses of before … everyone has his or her own on the nose.

The further away from the central point of this grid, the more marked our character is, the more “others” will seem distant to us and we to them. On the contrary, if we approach the central point we will have fewer problems relating to people of a different temperament.

Obviously, two people who are at the extremes of two different quadrants will see this unbridgeable distance seeing themselves in reality much more distant than they really are.

Let’s imagine a person of artistic-creative nature maybe quite disordered that crosses a rational extremely orderly and very attentive to details and details, the perception that one will have of the other will probably be a disaster, the awareness of this fact by one or both of them could be of great support to the communication between these two individuals.

The same happens when we evaluate objects or services, this for example is the reason why a website may appear in the eyes of someone too full of photos or writings while for others it may seem bare, and of course, the same when we speak or send messages, evaluating the quality of the verbal exchange or correspondence between ourselves and others.

Said that you can agree with me (or not) that if we consider where we are positioned, how much our view is distorted, and if we are good to quickly understand what kind of profile have who is in front of us, It can be much easier to set up the communication style in a more effective and adapted to the circumstances way.

And you? What kind of character do you have?

Take care! GFV