Relationships/Dating
The Partner of Your Dreams isn’t Coming — Because He Doesn’t Exist
And that’s OK.
I’m a big believer in the power of manifestation. One of my favorite exercises when I’m trying to create something new in my life is to think about what that thing looks and feels like, in excruciating detail. I go through my dream scenario in my head, I know what song is playing on the radio, what the people look like, what I can smell cooking in the kitchen — you get the idea. And yes, I’ve gone through this exercise in the context of manifesting my dream partner. I’ve visualized his features, his stature, his smile, his nature, and his warmth toward me.
I’m also a big believer in lists. I have grocery lists, admin lists, expense lists and daily to-do lists. I write down the practical things I need to do to get life done. I go into detail with these lists, too, because I need cow’s milk AND oat milk and if I just write ‘milk’ then someone is going to be pissed about their coffee in the morning.
Both of these activities require me to think about the things I need and list them out. It’s fun to tick things off in both activities, and there’s a real sense of accomplishment that comes from checking every box.
But, you see the difference, right?
Manifesting my dream partner is about conjuring up a scenario that makes me feel a particular way. The details are important for the process, but not critical in reality if the feeling is still there.
Writing a grocery list is about thinking about the things I think I need, getting those specific things, and then being done.
The thing is though, sometimes I think we take a shopping list approach to what is essentially a dynamic, evolving and highly subjective experience — intimate relationships.
And if you’ve got a list of attributes for your perfect partner and they read like you’re off to the perfect partner store, then I have some disappointing news for you.
We can create this perfect, almost mythical figure who will sweep into our lives and fulfill all our desires. We can have him tick every box — tall, rich, university educated etc. However, the truth is far from this romanticized ideal. The partner of your dreams isn’t coming, not because fate is unkind, but because such perfection simply doesn’t exist.
Redefining the Dream Partner
Our society has conditioned us to believe that finding the perfect partner is the key to happiness. We create lists of qualities and traits that our ideal partner should possess, believing that ticking off each item will lead us to fulfillment. However, this approach sets us up for disappointment and missed opportunities for true connection.
Instead of focusing on finding the perfect partner, we should shift our perspective. Relationships are not meant to fulfill our fantasies or meet a checklist of criteria. They are opportunities for growth, learning, and deep connection. Rather than seeking someone who checks all the boxes, we should look for someone willing to communicate, learn, and grow with love. That’s not to say you should ignore what you’re attracted to. It’s just about being a little flexible with your expectations.
The Myth of Perfection
Perfection is a subjective and ever-changing concept. What we consider perfect today may not be so tomorrow. I know for sure that the French artist/aspiring musician who treated me like a hobby in my 20s was not my perfect match — but I sure as hell thought he was back then. Holding onto rigid criteria for a partner not only limits our potential for connection but also denies us the opportunity to grow and evolve alongside another person.
When we let go of the idea of the perfect partner, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We become more receptive to the unique qualities and experiences that each person brings into our lives. We learn to appreciate the beauty in imperfection and the growth that comes from navigating challenges together.
We also open ourselves up to creative ways for the universe to provide exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.
The Power of Communication and Growth
At the core of a fulfilling relationship is communication. It is through open and honest communication that we truly connect with our partners. By sharing our thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities, we create a space for understanding and intimacy to flourish.
Furthermore, a healthy relationship is one in which both partners are committed to personal growth. This means being open to learning from each other, acknowledging mistakes, and working together to overcome challenges. When we approach relationships with a growth mindset, we not only enhance our connection with our partners but also become better versions of ourselves.
The partner of your dreams isn’t coming, but that’s okay. What we all need is someone willing to communicate, learn, and grow with love. By letting go of rigid criteria and embracing the journey of growth and discovery, we open ourselves up to the true beauty and depth of human connection. So, instead of searching for the perfect partner, strive to be the perfect partner – willing to communicate, learn, and grow with love.