The overdose day.

Your heart was as hungry as mine.

You mirrored back at me, the insatiable desire I carried around with me everywhere I went.

The raging emptiness.

Screaming for the whole world to come and fill me up, but the world is sick and I had no filter. I got the sickness too. A vicious cycle.

And so you came, you came from lives long ago and with a different face, but we still knew each other. We recognized the work we would have to do as soon as we met. The deals we made when we were still of the stars.

You had to give me your life. I took it. I accepted it and it has indeed fed the hunger within. It took many years to settle in to my psyche. Grief, pain and wisdom, this combination of flavors has filled me up in a way nothing else could.

I am clean now. I am purified and made new. Rubbed in your ashes and set free from the shameful hunger that boiled out and through me. The hunger that would meet everything and everyone outside of me before the real me could. Making my choices for me like a warden I didn’t ask for even though it was my own creation right from the start.

When you died, you took it with you. We made a deal and you stuck to the plan. I am here and living because you are not. An ugly love story.

A truth I still haven’t figured out how to “properly” hold, but I write and I cry. I am constantly saying good bye.

Good bye to the sad and broken shadow of a woman I was when I met you and good bye to the pain of the evolution you brought me into.

Hello to fulfillment and peace. Hello to someone who knows what and who she is.

There is so much room now, where that emptiness used to be.

I have done the work but you showed me what needed doing and for that, I thank you for forever.