The Other Side of the Bed

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Abstract

rain is not to blame. No self-help needed! That lumberjack (or jane) on the other side of the bed is <b>definitely</b> the problem.</p><h2 id="b0f2">The dreamers</h2><p id="85bc">He’s enjoying a blissful fantasy, soaring over treetops when <b><i>THWACK!</i></b><i> </i>his partner’s arm whacks his nose as she exclaims, <i>“Nooooooo!”</i> He desperately tries to resume his fantasy flying dream while she thrashes and mumbles something about airplanes. They may be in the same bed, but their dreamlands are worlds apart.</p><h2 id="9df7">The snorers</h2><p id="d867">It’s 3:00 a.m. The noises once described as, “cute little snoring sounds” are not so cute tonight. One gently nudges the other awake. Minutes later, their own breathing is punctuated with intermittent snorts. It’s the other’s turn to nudge. <i>Sleep-nudge-repeat</i>. Snoring and sleeping in cycles, sharing a bed is much less romantic than either had imagined.</p><h2 id="5f78">Bathroom breaks</h2><p id="2ec2">You may be familiar with the beloved <i>partner-who-pees-in-the-night.</i> Those who can sleep through their chosen one’s bathroom breaks are lucky. Those who can not have a lot of practice counting sheep. They may even be able to do it with their eyes closed.</p><h2 id="01c6">How Much Sleep Do We Really Need?</h2><p id="557c">Despite popular lyrics in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_You_Need_Is_Love">The Beatles song</a>, love is <i>not</i> all you need. Sleep is also necessary. I’ve learned I need 8–9 hours of sleep each night to feel well rested. Pay attention to your own sleeping patterns and troubleshoot with your partner to catch those zzzzz’s. Sleep deprivation doesn’t have to be a part of your relationship.</p><p id="1f4f">As the <a

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href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need">National Sleep Foundation</a> states, <i>“Most of us know that getting a good night’s sleep is important, but too few of us actually make those eight or so hours between the sheets a priority. For many of us with sleep debt, we’ve forgotten what “being really, truly rested” feels like.”</i></p><h2 id="c846">Increase your zzzzz’s.</h2><p id="d58d">Knowing how vital sleep is, I asked couples what they have tried in pursuit of the elusive <i>good night’s sleep. </i>What works for them may be helpful to you and your partner. Rest is key to having energy to love each other and yourselves. Make it a priority!</p><ul><li>Practice a relaxing yin yoga routine together each evening.</li><li>Wear ear plugs or over-ear noise cancelling headphones.</li><li>Take turns sleeping in a different space, such as a comfortable couch.</li><li>Listen to sleep meditations, body scans, or ambient sounds.</li><li>Sleep in separate beds or individual bedrooms, at least occasionally.</li><li>Try anti-snoring nose strips or a sleep apnea machine (if appropriate).</li></ul><p id="da96">Without a magic solution, couples are left juggling their desire for closeness and their need<b> </b>for sleep. There is no fool-proof answer to, “How can I sleep soundly with a partner?” I invite you to think about this question instead: “Who do I want beside me while I’m chasing <i>zzzzzzz’s</i>?”</p><p id="2127">They may smack your face during the sweetest part of your dream. Will you still want to wake up each morning with that person on the other side of the bed? Be prepared to accept <i>the good, the bad, and the snuggly</i> when sleeping with a partner.</p></article></body>

The good, the bad, and the snuggly when sleeping with partners

Your countless nights of sleeping alone are finally over. There is someone you love on the other side of the bed. You imagine snuggling and enjoying peaceful sleep in their arms. This will surely be better than watching Netflix alone until you can’t keep your eyes open, or will it? With someone beside you the road to restful slumber is often bumpy, curvy, and sometimes abruptly comes to a dead end. Let’s consider several scenarios.

A classic pair

The night owl and the early bird. They fell in love, moved in together, and created a cozy bedroom. Sharing a bed began blissfully, with pillow talk and snuggles. After four months of compromising sleep/wake patterns, they are more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in turn. With one staying awake until 2 a.m. and the other rising at 6 a.m. it’s uncommon for either to get adequate sleep.

A more rare pair

The insomniac and the parter-who-falls-asleep-when-their-head-hits-the-pillow. As their partner crashes on the other pillow and promptly begins to saw logs, the insomniac lays awake. They are relieved to pinpoint a reason for persistent sleeplessness. A perpetually busy, anxious brain is not to blame. No self-help needed! That lumberjack (or jane) on the other side of the bed is definitely the problem.

The dreamers

He’s enjoying a blissful fantasy, soaring over treetops when THWACK! his partner’s arm whacks his nose as she exclaims, “Nooooooo!” He desperately tries to resume his fantasy flying dream while she thrashes and mumbles something about airplanes. They may be in the same bed, but their dreamlands are worlds apart.

The snorers

It’s 3:00 a.m. The noises once described as, “cute little snoring sounds” are not so cute tonight. One gently nudges the other awake. Minutes later, their own breathing is punctuated with intermittent snorts. It’s the other’s turn to nudge. Sleep-nudge-repeat. Snoring and sleeping in cycles, sharing a bed is much less romantic than either had imagined.

How Much Sleep Do We Really Need?

Despite popular lyrics in The Beatles song, love is not all you need. Sleep is also necessary. I’ve learned I need 8–9 hours of sleep each night to feel well rested. Pay attention to your own sleeping patterns and troubleshoot with your partner to catch those zzzzz’s. Sleep deprivation doesn’t have to be a part of your relationship.

As the National Sleep Foundation states, “Most of us know that getting a good night’s sleep is important, but too few of us actually make those eight or so hours between the sheets a priority. For many of us with sleep debt, we’ve forgotten what “being really, truly rested” feels like.”

Increase your zzzzz’s.

Knowing how vital sleep is, I asked couples what they have tried in pursuit of the elusive good night’s sleep. What works for them may be helpful to you and your partner. Rest is key to having energy to love each other and yourselves. Make it a priority!

Practice a relaxing yin yoga routine together each evening.

Wear ear plugs or over-ear noise cancelling headphones.

Take turns sleeping in a different space, such as a comfortable couch.

Listen to sleep meditations, body scans, or ambient sounds.

Sleep in separate beds or individual bedrooms, at least occasionally.

Try anti-snoring nose strips or a sleep apnea machine (if appropriate).

Without a magic solution, couples are left juggling their desire for closeness and their need for sleep. There is no fool-proof answer to, “How can I sleep soundly with a partner?” I invite you to think about this question instead: “Who do I want beside me while I’m chasing zzzzzzz’s?”

They may smack your face during the sweetest part of your dream. Will you still want to wake up each morning with that person on the other side of the bed? Be prepared to accept the good, the bad, and the snuggly when sleeping with a partner.

RELATIONSHIPS | SELF