The Only Time I Ever Told My Father I Loved Him

Summary

The author met his father for the first time at age 36, developed a delicate relationship, and ultimately expressed his love through a tribute in his novel after his father's passing.

Abstract

In 2006, at the age of 36, the author had his first encounter with his father, a meeting that marked the beginning of a tenuous relationship. Despite the complexities of his father's personal life and the decision to forgo formal recognition of paternity, the author harbored deep affection for his father. Their relationship remained distant, and the author chose to let his father dictate the terms of their connection, a choice he later regretted. After his father's death, the author felt a profound sense of loss and decided to honor his father by naming the protagonist of his first novel after his father's beloved brother, Heitor, as a silent declaration of his love.

Opinions

The author describes his relationship with his father as "wispy," suggesting it was much less substantial than he desired.
He expresses a sense of resignation about not being formally acknowledged by his father, yet he accepted this to maintain the fragile bond they had.
The author deeply respected his father's love for his late uncle, which inspired him to name his novel's hero after this uncle as a form of homage.
The decision to name his protagonist Heitor was a deliberate and heartfelt way to communicate his love to his father, whom he felt he barely knew.
The author's grief over his father's passing is palpable, indicating that despite the distance, the loss had a significant impact on him.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to say more.

In 2006, at age 36, I met my father for the first time.

This photo was taken at the Hotel Glória’s deck, where my father worked as a director, on the exact day we met. Photo: personal files

My relationship with my father was… Wispy. Small compared to what it should have been. He was married to a woman he met while with my mother. He married her two months after my birth — without knowing that he had gotten my mother pregnant and that he was a father, I must point out. So when we met, his situation was complicated. If he told his wife he had a child, he could start a crisis that would end the marriage. If he didn’t tell… Well, the son here would be in the background, as he had been until now.

But I’m one of those people with “strong backs,” you know? Of those that intend to withstand all the challenges in the world?

So I gave up formal acknowledgment — he never doubted his paternity — and let him set the pace for our approach.

Unfortunately, it was the wrong choice.

Six years later, my father passed away. I haven’t seen him in person for over a year.

So our relationship was wispy.

But I loved him deeply. I suffered too much from the loss. And I miss him to this day.

One of the first things my father told me when we met in person was about my uncle, who died just under a year at the time.

He told me how much he loved and admired his brother, a great adventurer, owner of a sailboat on which he traveled halfway around the world.

I saw how much he missed his brother.

So I decided to pay homage…

At the time, I was starting to write “The Second Dawn,” my first novel. I had already finished three years of research, and I was finally drawing the first chapter.

I hadn’t decided, however, what my protagonist’s name would be.

It was on that day that I made the decision.

Heitor, the hero of “The Second Dawn,” was named after Heitor, my father’s hero.

It was a gentle way of telling that gentleman I barely knew that I loved him.