The Only Important Thing I Ever Learned

This is the sort of saccharine coated writing that I seldom read.

I almost never read this kind of feel good epiphany piece. Well, that’s not quite accurate. I do sometimes read these and sometimes I try to write one, but it never feels right. I redraft and redraft again and eventually I just kill it off because it always sounds pompous or silly. I just can’t seem to find the right tone.

But I have something inside me that I want to say. Maybe I’m reluctant to put it in writing because I think that surely everyone must know this. But everyone does not, because I do not hear about it. Maybe that’s because they have the same difficulties I do?

What am I rambling on about? Helping others. It’s only that. It’s very important to me and has been for a long time now.

I have learned many things in my life. Programming languages, creating web pages, effective troubleshooting, a bit of Latin, a bit of Spanish, a fair bit of history and more. Some of these helped me earn a living, some were just curiosity or for fun.

But the most important thing I learned was that helping other people was what brought the most happiness to me.

Oh, that sounds so mushy and corny, doesn’t it? Maybe with religious overtones too?

I’m actually a crusty old atheist. There’s nothing mushy or religious about this. It’s all selfish. I like being happy and helping other people makes me happy. There’s no moral conviction, no belief in a future reward. It’s all about me, me, me.

I’d bet a small bit of change from my pocket that it’s the same for other people. Oh, they may dress it up with “doing the right thing”, but I bet they like the happy returns.

I do not mean the people who donate large sums to charity and bow for the adulation. They get some happiness, but I don’t look at that the same way. It’s their narcissism that’s getting fed, not their soul. Not that I believe in souls. I’m just using that word for lack of anything better.

Besides, for a lot of those people, giving away a couple of hundred thousand is equivalent to me handing a dime to a hungry person and expecting their praise. It’s almost meaningless. The ultra wealthy folks probably make back that money before the check clears.

Pro Bono

I’ve done some pro bono computer work. I fixed some problems for the Aids Action folks way back when. I recovered a broken database for a guy who helps parents whose children have been taken in by cults.

I didn’t find any of those in “Volunteer Opportunities Weekly”. Those folks hired me and expected to pay. I did the work and then told the A/R people it was no charge. That made me happy.

I’ve given big discounts to customers who were plainly struggling. Again, not because they asked but because it made me feel good.

I don’t like writing that. It feels like bragging. It feels like it should remain private. I don’t think I have ever mentioned any of that to anyone before.

Money can help

I’ve given away a good bit of money. No loans, but outright gifts. I’d do it anonymously if I could. If not, I made sure they understood that they owed me nothing because giving it made me happy. Again, why do I need to mention that? Well, because:

But today..

But today I’m not in a position to do any of those things. I’m retired and do not have much extra money. So I can’t help anyone…

That’s nonsense. You can help someone by holding a door for them. By saying a kind word. By being a strong shoulder when they need one. By being kind.

Saying ‘Thank you” to people who don’t get many of those is helping. Smiling at someone can brighten their day and yours.

Oh, so schmalzy again! Nope, still the crusty old self centered person, looking out for myself. That and maybe subconsciously taught that? Or maybe it’s just that empathy and compassion are wired strongly in my brain? Does it matter?

A word or a hug or just a light pat on the shoulder can mean something. At the right moment it can mean a lot. If it doesn’t, what’s the harm? Then again, in the here and now, we aren’t patting strangers on the back. Social distancing takes away quite a few random acts of kindness, doesn’t it?

So I said it. I’m not certain that I will hit publish. I might not. But if I don’t, this will nag at me because I have to say it. As I never seem to be able to find the right way to say it, this will have to do.

So be it.