The ‘One Thing’ We’ve Forgotten in Other People
The connection between a rushed society and the cynicism it creates.
I’m not that old.
I mean, in an effort to gather wisdom what we need is age. And what we definitely don’t want is…age.
Very few of us want to get old because we know subconsciously that we’re losing something.
Vitality becomes a yesterday thing.
And death…
The ol’ reaper.
He becomes far more real despite our desperation to deny him.
But…why?
“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
— Ernest Hemingway
…
I know that I’m obsessed with the Self:
What does life mean?
What’s the ideality between dreams and reality?
How does our subjectivity bring us closer to each other or exile us?
What inhibitions could we dissolve in order to become more…us?
But what I secretly desire more than the Self is while we’re becoming the best version of ourselves, how can we do it and still find love? Camaraderie? The chemical-induced pinball game of living in a high of relationships, both intimate and plutonic?
What does it take to accomplish true love, true satisfaction, and true life distinction…with other humans?
…
I don’t know if I’ve lived long enough for this yet, but I feel like something has been lost from society lately.
It seems like in the speed of our growth, all we’ve ended up having time for is ourselves. Time to figure out our lives while we also try to survive it.
I’m guilty too.
So, instead of seeing what people can be, we’ve wordlessly decided what they already are, without their consent.
This is what I mean:
(Forgive me, my fiction is a little rough.)
You see someone in public. Let’s say they’re adding oat milk — or god forbid, cow’s milk — to their Americano at the sidebar in the coffee shop. They look put together. Their clothes match. They don’t look exhausted or miserable.
They’re just…another person.
They’re attractive, but not in a distracting sort of way. You have too much going on in your day to just stare at someone and create a story about them.
But, you’re intrigued.
They have a noticeable energy. And you’ve been so busy, that you realize it would be nice to know something about someone. To toss a wrench in your day just so you can stop the machine for a bit.
You think, “I bet they’re kind.” or “I bet they’re funny.”
And as you drink your cappuccino, without realizing it, you’re creating the potential for a human. You see what a human can be.
It feels warm and fuzzy. Relaxing. Present.
Then…
You realize you’re stressed today. You messed up a project that you have to fix or you forgot to do some crucial task(like grocery shopping yesterday so you could meal prep today. You know, life-threatening things.)
You also remember the last time you were in a relationship with someone kind or funny. You remember how you felt tricked. Then you remember how much you’ve been let down, distracted, or had your time wasted.
“I bet this person is like that,” you say to yourself.
Maybe they're kind but they’re also probably disorganized, have no goals, or are flaky. Or maybe they’re narcissistic, indifferent, and cruel.
It’s. Not. Worth it.
…
We used to be(I used to be) so excited to discover a person. We used to be able to take one recognizable trait about someone and trust it. We used to be strong enough to face what could be, good and bad, and find the great parts of someone and bask in it. We used to see something small in someone and let it expand into beautiful potential.
It may not be so all the time, but somehow connection always feels good, even when it’s bad. If we can laugh it off, be proud of our courage to approach, or just be satisfied with the attempt.
What happened?
This is the cynical takeover.
Something fueled by anxiety and social fear of poverty or missing out. A transition in the mind from existing peacefully in the present to prepping voraciously for the unknown future.
A moment when it becomes more about what we seek to be rather than what we already are. A click of the mind telling us that we don’t have time to love people that could love us, only time to become what people could love.
(This is my current challenge. Does it sound familiar?)
There’s the truth of who someone actually is; an abstract and flawed yet potentially beautiful entity.
Then there’s our theory of who someone actually is; a limited, fixed, potentially demonic entity.
And the direction that the mind takes depends on either of these two things: action or inaction.
Watching from the sidelines, it’s easy to decide if someone is a loser and then walk away without seeing the end of the game and being sure of our impression.
But being part of the game, helping someone make their way up the field, not only proves us wrong but can even increase the momentum of someone’s drive up the field…through life, as well as your own.
Yet we stand to the side.
Assume.
And discredit the ‘one thing’ that we see in another. The one thing that could just make you smile in the smallest of moments, or change the trajectory of our whole life!
(Think relationship, friendship, business opportunity, adventure, etc.)
The worst part?
We don’t experience the game.
We amplify what could be wrong with someone and dissolve a singular characteristic that makes them great. That makes them worth connecting with.
Cynicism has destroyed our connections to each other.
So, what are we willing to do about it?
How does a social animal stay social?
How does joy, laughter, love…and all that other gooey exciting stuff happen…without using the ‘one thing’?
What could happen if we slow down?
What could happen if we stay in the moment, love who we are, and love someone else equally?
Truth and Love, Reader.
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