The One Thing That Saved Me From Depression
The easiest way to love yourself and lift your mood quickly
When I was 19 going on 20, I went through your typical tough breakup. My first love, I guess.
I struggled to cope because it didn’t feel over to me. We’d broken up more than a few times before and I thought we’d get back together again. When that didn’t happen after a week I started to panic – it could NOT be over. He didn’t have the look he reserved for me anymore. He stopped calling. He ignored my messages. He was different.
I became depressed. I stopped eating, I would lie in bed for hours during the day, I refused to see anyone. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn’t think I could move on.
I was unhappy for a lot of the relationship with him and for a while after we broke up. Months. It wasn’t his fault though, I see in hindsight how it was just a toxic relationship and it was right for it to end for both our sakes. We mostly argued aggressively, we were jealous, immature, and unrealistic about our expectations of each other.
We haven’t been in touch since. I hope he is truly happy now. I hold no grudge against him or myself for how it went because I accept we weren’t compatible, and we didn’t know how to love. Not really.
I forgot to listen to music when I felt down. It’s a no brainer, it is mentioned in many self-help books and it’s just plain common sense to listen to music as a way to feel better. When you’re sad, watch funny movies and listen to music.
I listen to music and I dance when I feel good. When I’m happy, I incorporate music into my daily life, but when I have felt unhappy, I’ve been so consumed by the sadness that cheering myself up wasn’t even an option. It just wasn’t on my radar.
A couple of months after we broke up, I went to uni, where my life did a complete 180-degree turn.
I Danced Again
I didn’t realise it at the time, but music helped me heal emotionally.
Granted the change of lifestyle helped – I moved to a different city, made new friends, and had time away to feel distracted and do other things. But I wouldn’t have enjoyed them half as much without music. Music entrances you.
Music is energy.
Humans are energy.
That combined energy works miracles.
It’s much more powerful than we can possibly imagine.
I joined a couple of dance societies and trained every day. It was a place where I could both escape the pain and face it head-on and sweat it all out.
I never felt so good. I was strong, fit, and beautiful. I was at my best.
I danced in two shows during that first year of university. I had never been so proud of myself. The grades I got didn’t matter to me as much because failing wasn’t an option and I felt confident about them. But I had never danced in a show before and I was so nervous. When the audience clapped and tooted at the end I was buzzing with adrenaline. I was in my element and I felt so alive. For the first time in a really long time, I felt generally happy.
It’s then I met my husband.
Through my own happiness, I attracted the love of my life right in.
I don’t thank music completely – my husband actually staged our meeting – but I certainly give music credit for helping me restore happiness and enabling me to love again.
And I was dancing when I met him.
I have throughout my life forgotten to dance when times are tough, but my son reminded me of the importance of this recently.
I was in a bad mood, I can’t remember why. I was snappy and irritable. I wasn’t telling myself to snap out of it, I was feeding the bad wolf inside me instead, and becoming increasingly sad. The only thing that held back the tears was my son – I couldn’t let him see me like this.
And then he asked me to play “Rain On Me” by Ariana Grande and Lady Gaga. Now, he’s 18 months old, he can’t actually say that. But he knows how to sign “music”; he knows the sign for “rain”; and he knows the main dance move we both do when the song is on, so he did it.
The situation could’ve attributed to my happiness coming back – pride for my son for communicating so well, and seeing the excitement on his face when the music played. But again, the common compound most of the time is music. It’s as if my son knew it would make us laugh.
So here’s my silver lining, as always.
“Music is the strongest form of magic.” ― Marilyn Manson
If you play music that you love every time you start feeling low, unhappy, anxious, angry, scared, ANYTHING that does not contribute to your happiness, it will instantly change your mood even if only slightly. You just have to be open to the idea.
This is nothing new, but the simple things are often forgotten as we try to outsmart ourselves by trying to be original and discovering new ways to “cure” ourselves emotionally.
There are many tactics I have spoken about in other articles to help with negativity. If you won’t take any of those on board, music alone will help instantly. It won’t change whatever made you become negative, but it will alter your perspective and you’ll be able to tackle it with a more objective and brave face. It can, with time, help your mood change in the long-term.
There is No Reason Why Not
“A 2006 study of 60 adults with chronic pain found that music was able to reduce pain, depression, and disability.” — Harvard Health publishing.
Music has an extremely good effect on the body, reducing the chances of having all sorts of health issues including heart attacks, since it slows your heart and breathing rates, thus reducing stress and anxiety.
It has an amazing effect on the brain and your general emotional well-being. Basically, whether you’re musically inclined or not, it’s undeniably good for you to listen to it.
Your Body Reacts Involuntarily
You’ll tap your feet, nod your head, click your fingers. No matter what, your body will react to music whether you know about it or not. It will respond positively.
I dance with my son almost every day. He goes through phases of songs he loves, but right now, he’s into Queen’s We Will Rock You, and can even do the beat by clapping his hands and hitting the floor. We have an absolute blast.
If you’ll take anything from this, make listening to music a habit even when you don’t feel good.
- Music will put you in a good mood when you’re not happy.
- Music will lift your mood, even more, when you are.
It’s a no brainer, really.
And if we change our moods, one mood at a time, we will change the world.
“Music can change the world because it can change people.” ― Bono
Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, motherhood, and pro-race. See more work like this.