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Abstract

e mundane things?</h2>Many of us, daters, are not aware that we rely on external validation way too much.I know in my case, I used to derive my sense of self from my dating experiences. The more a man showed interest in me, then the better I would feel about myself. When this didn’t happen then I would often tell myself: Okay, on to the next one! Or even worst I would go back to the lover who treated me like an option.It seems I couldn’t be deprived of attention and compliments from others.And dating wasn't fun and games anymore. The process became stressful and exhausting. I would cease going out on dates for a bit and then I would go back to the constant scrolling and swiping through dating apps, arranging to meet strangers.All of that changed when the pandemic forced me to stay home and sit with myself. I was able to reflect on my dating choices. I am aware of the importance of dating with a purpose. Additionally to that, I’ve developed boundaries and standards.I know now what I want, how I expect to be treated, and what I won’t tolerate.I no longer let a date, not following up with me, determine whether I have a good day or a bad one. I n

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o longer draw any sense of self or validation from a lover.I know I am good enough and I am aware of my value and my self-worth.<h2 id="7465">No more overthinking. No more wondering. No more analyzing.</h2>Before you jump to conclusions about whether someone likes you or not.Here are other questions you can ask yourself before sending that double text:<ul><li>Do I even like this guy?</li><li>Is he treating me like I want to be treated?</li><li>Is he actually bringing joy and adding value to my life?</li></ul>These are simple questions, but they change the dynamic tremendously. It empowers you to remove yourself from situations that make you feel unappreciated.It’s not healthy to build our value on the way the person we are dating perceives us. We need to unlearn to place our self-worth in the hands of someone else.To conclude, remember that the most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves.You will make wiser decisions in dating when you love and respect yourself enough to be able to walk away from arrangements that are draining you and have you question your sanity.</article></body>

The One Question That Keeps My Dating Life At ease

Before changing my dating approach I used to focus remarkably on others.

I was constantly trying to find out or understand how they felt about me.

Looking back, I've noticed that more often than not we spent a great deal of time wondering what is going in the heads of the people we are seeing, that we don’t even consider taking a step back and reflect on how we feel about them.

So now, whenever I find myself obsessing on whether or not I should text a certain guy.

I ask myself this next question, which helps me stay grounded:

— Do-I-actually-give-a-fuck?

I think about my answer for three seconds. And the response is usually: well, not really. (BOOM, game-changing, literally).

— So why are we obsessing over these mundane things?

Many of us, daters, are not aware that we rely on external validation way too much.

I know in my case, I used to derive my sense of self from my dating experiences. The more a man showed interest in me, then the better I would feel about myself. When this didn’t happen then I would often tell myself: Okay, on to the next one! Or even worst I would go back to the lover who treated me like an option.

It seems I couldn’t be deprived of attention and compliments from others.

And dating wasn't fun and games anymore. The process became stressful and exhausting. I would cease going out on dates for a bit and then I would go back to the constant scrolling and swiping through dating apps, arranging to meet strangers.

All of that changed when the pandemic forced me to stay home and sit with myself. I was able to reflect on my dating choices. I am aware of the importance of dating with a purpose. Additionally to that, I’ve developed boundaries and standards.

I know now what I want, how I expect to be treated, and what I won’t tolerate.

I no longer let a date, not following up with me, determine whether I have a good day or a bad one. I no longer draw any sense of self or validation from a lover.

I know I am good enough and I am aware of my value and my self-worth.

No more overthinking. No more wondering. No more analyzing.

Before you jump to conclusions about whether someone likes you or not.

Here are other questions you can ask yourself before sending that double text:

Do I even like this guy?
Is he treating me like I want to be treated?
Is he actually bringing joy and adding value to my life?

These are simple questions, but they change the dynamic tremendously. It empowers you to remove yourself from situations that make you feel unappreciated.

It’s not healthy to build our value on the way the person we are dating perceives us. We need to unlearn to place our self-worth in the hands of someone else.

To conclude, remember that the most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves.

You will make wiser decisions in dating when you love and respect yourself enough to be able to walk away from arrangements that are draining you and have you question your sanity.