The One Question

Before committing to a long-term relationship, there is one question each partner must ask themselves. Their answer to their own question can be lifesaving.

If I had known about it earlier in life, I would have escaped many an emotional hardship.

Could have saved a lot of grief for others too!

How would life be if everyone could take a few minutes break in the action before making this all important life-changing decision and ask themselves:

Is that person’s worst trait a deal breaker for me?

The Cambridge Dictionary’s definition of deal breaker: noun: informal — something that is important enough to you to prevent you from agreeing to something.

Many times the answer to this bit of introspection is fairly obvious. Oft times it takes a while to recognize unacceptable; best foot forward and all that.

Objectivity can be painful, especially in the initial haze of romance.

Maybe that could be the reason for older societies to arrange marriages. A total end run around the Myth of Romantic Love we seem to so desperately seek here in the US.

Our country has a divorce rate of 40 to 50 percent of married couples with a much higher rate for subsequent marriages according to the American Psychological Association.

Proof positive that couples often leap before they look here in the US.

Enchantment feels soooo good. Narcotic — like.

Is that person’s worst trait a deal breaker for me?

A wise Indian couple who were friends who had been married over 20 years once told me:

In our culture, we get married first, then learn to love each other

In your culture you love each other first, get married, then fall out of love with each other.

Incidentally, the divorce rate in India for arranged marriages is closer to 4%. Not that any system is without flaws. Objectivity takes the day.

Is that person’s worst trait a deal breaker?

If it is don’t.

If it isn’t do.