The “One” Mental Switch To Easily Shift From React to Respond

To find calm, you must first experience the chaos

Had you met me a decade ago, you’d have found an impulsive and arrogant kind of individual. Life, for me, was like being caught in a raging storm, reacting to every gust of wind and crack of thunder.

The change I see in myself now makes me believe more in spirituality.

I react 70% less. I judge people less. I speak less. Observe more. I care less about other’s opinions. I reflect more.

What changed?

Life experiences! Bitter life experiences!

When you lose everything in life at the same time — money, relationships, health, mental health, you lose a wrong image of yourself.

A couple of years ago, my life was in bits. Broke with a mere $28 in a bank account. Jobless due to a broken knee. Failed relationship. Friends ghosted me due to my insensitive behavior. Family’s pressure to put my sh*t together.

The negative thoughts made me feel more miserable.

But now, I am glad I was broke. I am glad “good” people left me. I am glad I suffered from a mental illness. I am still not being arrogant.

Had I not tasted the bitter experiences, I would have never realized how I should live my life. To be reborn, you must die.

I was born into a spiritual family. Everyone in my family followed the spiritual principles. So I had heard a million times that “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”

In spirituality, it’s called Karmic law — “what comes to you is not in your control. How you respond to it becomes your destiny.”

But to execute it, you need a switch. You need a powerful trigger to observe spiritual principles. For example, you don’t study hard unless you realize you have an exam. So, the deadline is a switch.

And those bitter experiences activated that inner switch — “that I could die at any moment.” Those experiences were so painful that I craved “death.” All the wrongdoings constantly flashed in my mind day and night. The repentance period was so severe that I sought forgiveness from everyone I had wronged.

I had even messaged my school classmates on social media to make things right. I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed. I had only thought, “If I died in this moment, I’d carry all this guilt and shame onto my next birth.”

This wisdom set me on a new path. My perception of people changed. I began looking at everyone beyond labels, titles, roles, and responsibilities. I started looking at everyone as “souls” with bodies.

This “elevated consciousness switch” made me silent inside out. However, when my bad phase improved, I still ensured the switch remained ON because:

• My life had never been so peaceful
• My relationships had never been so sweet
• My mind had stopped working on AUTO mode.

From my experience, I can say that when you’re determined, the Almighty also helps you elevate your actions.

At the Supermarket

I was carefully selecting apples when suddenly, a hurried shopper crashed into my shopping basket. I usually carry a cart, but I decided to use a basket.

Maybe it was my spiritual test.

My groceries were scattered across the floor like fallen soldiers. A surge of irritation rose in my throat, ready to lash out at the careless stranger.

I almost yelled, “What the Ffff…, as I looked up, expecting to meet a face brimming with indifference.

Instead, I saw a woman, her eyes wide with shock and embarrassment, juggling a toddler on her hip and a grocery list in her hand.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, her voice laced with genuine concern.

I felt sorry more than her for my instinctive reaction. In a moment, I was reminded of my life’s bitter experiences and death-like pain.

I responded changed. “It’s okay. Accidents happen,” I replied, more calmly than I felt. Bending down, I began gathering my scattered groceries.

To my surprise, the woman knelt to help.

As we picked up the last apple, she said, “I’m really sorry. I was trying to keep up with my little tornado here.” She gestured towards her toddler, who giggled at our impromptu apple picking.

Chuckling, I handed her the grocery list. “I understand. Don’t worry about it.”

She thanked me and hurried off, a little less flustered than before.

It was a clear sign that the mental switch from reacting to responding was not just changing how I dealt with situations but also positively influencing those around me.

Family Gatherings

I live in Canada, and visits to India are not too frequent. But, they often become more stressful than a getaway vacation.

My younger self believed it was because of my Uncle’s blunt opinions.

My present self believes it was because I handled him incorrectly. The fault was mine. Not his.

During my last India visit, as everyone was chatting over dinner during one such gathering, he lobbed a verbal grenade my way.

“So, still trying to make it in your so-called creative career?” Uncle asked, a smirk playing on his lips. The old me would have reacted quickly with a sharp retort, defending my choices vehemently.

I had just gotten up from a deep meditation session, so my “soul consciousness” was in emerged form.

I took a deep breath this time, equipped with my new mindset. “I appreciate your concern, Uncle.” I began, keeping my voice steady and calm. “It’s not for everyone, but I’m genuinely happy with where I am. Finding fulfillment in what I do is important to me.”

There was a brief silence, and I noticed a few surprised glances from family members around the table. Uncle, seemed taken aback by my lack of defensive reaction.

“You know, I just don’t understand this new-age job stuff,” he finally said, his tone softer. “In my time, we picked traditional careers.”

I smiled, recognizing an opportunity for dialogue rather than conflict. “I get that, Uncle. Times have changed, though. There’s more room now to turn passions into careers. It’s not always easy, but it’s rewarding.”

As we discussed how career paths have evolved over generations, I realized that responding, rather than reacting, opened the door for meaningful conversations. It turned what could have been a heated argument into a moment of sharing and understanding.

We might not see eye-to-eye due to my old impulsive behavior, but I could see genuine respect in his eyes for me. NOW.

From “Hating Dogs” To “Loving Them To the Moon…and Back”

Interactions with pets often reflect your inner state and offer unexpected lessons. Such was the case with Buster, my neighbor’s usually friendly Labrador.

As I walked past my neighbor’s front yard, Buster’s behavior was oddly different. He stood rigid. His teeth clenched, and he growled menacingly as I walked past him.

This is why I hated dogs. They bark for no reason. They scare you as if you’re going to hit them.

My immediate reaction was fear mixed with annoyance. “Buster, what’s gotten into you?” I exclaimed, ready to scold him for his uncharacteristic aggression.

But then Kate (my neighbor — Buster’s Mom) called from behind, “Buster wants you to pet him.”

“On what earth does a dog ask to pet with such a ferocious bark,” I mumbled.

Since Kate watched afar, I hesitantly scruffed his white velvety fur, forcing a fake smile.

Somehow, my feelings changed. I felt good, wanting to pet him more.

Surprisingly, Buster wagged his tail, trying to lick my hand. When Kate approached both of us and explained how dogs behave, “Buster is usually quiet, but when it senses someone mentally enraged, he behaves the way he did. Had you scolded, he’d gone nuts.”

I am still not convinced if dogs can sense your mental rage, but his encounter was a profound learning experience. It taught me the power of empathy and understanding, even with animals.

Not every time, you’re reminded to respond positively. But you’ve got to stay aware and go with the flow. I also realized that reacting in anger or annoyance often escalates situations, whereas a calm, empathetic response can defuse them.

In Moments of Crisis

A real testament to my change came during a family crisis. My sister, who was going through a tough time, lashed out at me during a heated discussion.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” she exclaimed, her voice tinged with frustration. “You’re not the one going through this mess!”

The old me would have reacted with equal anger.

But this particular time, I was in a consciousness that if I died in that moment, what memories and feelings would I carry? It instantly made me see her pain more than what she vented.

I may not fully understand what you’re going through,” I said calmly, “but I’m here to listen. Tell me more, so I can try to understand.”

We sat down, and I listened intently as she poured out her worries. I didn’t offer solutions or dismiss her feelings. Instead, I responded with nods. And within a few minutes, she collected herself.

Sometimes, people don’t need solutions or words or empathy. They need ears. It’s not about fixing their problems but about showing that you care.

This mental switch didn’t just change my interactions. It deepened my relationships, teaching me the true value of empathy and understanding.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom — Viktor E. Frankl

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