Parents | Parenting | Life Lessons

My Most Embarrassing Moment as a Parent (So Far…)

Life lessons learned in my underwear…

When my oldest son Jon was a toddler and teething heavily, he woke up one morning around 4 AM screaming and crying. My then-wife nudged me as a reminder that it was my turn to get up with him.

Earlier that evening I had told her:

“I’ll get the next one.”

I meant the next kid ;-)

So I got up to see if I could settle Jon down.

All the regular attempts to get him back to sleep, rocking him in his room, warm bottle of milk in the kitchen, none of those worked.

So I decided to take him for a drive, which had been working for about a month or so.

The problem was I was wearing only a T-shirt and underwear. My ID and pants were in the bedroom where Jon’s mom had already gone back to sleep.

If I had learned anything in that first year of parenthood, it was:

Never wake a sleeping baby, and more importantly, never, ever wake a sleeping mom.

So, in my early-morning logic, I thought no one would see us. Driving around to get him to sleep did not work that night.

To make a long story short, I got pulled over for speeding.

The officer asked to see my license and registration. I told him I’d really like to show them to him, but they were at home.

That led to the dreaded question/demand:

“Would you please step out of the car, sir?”

Looking down, I admitted I had a problem with that.

He leaned over to see two skinny, pale legs sticking out of a T-shirt emblazoned with:

“Tallahassee Men of Integrity”

See, I’m not making this up…

He then asked if I was naked. I replied that I was wearing underwear and would be happy to show him if necessary.

He never cracked a smile.

He walked back to his car and called in my tag number to confirm that I was who I said I was. He returned and ran down the list of many violations he could charge me with, but he settled on a ticket for driving without proof of license and insurance.

His parting parenting advice:

“Next time, sir, you might want to wear your pants.”

I used that fun experience to write my weekly newspaper column about what I’d learned in the first year of parenting.

A few weeks later I had Jon at the ER one night, as he’d been really sick that weekend.

As we were walking out, I glanced through some double doors at two officers talking. One of them does a double take, and comes walking after us.

It was Officer Bradshaw from a few weeks before.

He comes over, as friendly as can be, to tell me he did not recognize me at first. Of course I had to say:

“Well, that’s because I’m wearing pants.”

Turns out Officer Bradshaw was out of town when the newspaper column came out, and his squad mates had cut many copies out of the paper and stuck them all over his locker.

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

So I turned that fun little early morning adventure into part of a keynote speech called:

“Life Lessons Learned in My Underwear”

One night after giving that talk, a woman came up to me and said:

“Hi, I’m Officer Bradshaw’s mother.”

Me: “Nice to meet you. I guess you’ve heard this story before.”

A few years later, we had my then wife’s family up for ThanksGiving, and my then father-in-law invited his cousin and his family who lived in town.

I’d always told my son Jon whenever I told the story in a speech, but he had never heard the story from me. My then father-in-law had heard of the story, but had never heard it from me.

So they both asked me to tell the story at dinner.

So I did.

Now follow this…

My then wife’s father’s cousins’ wife said:

“Officer Bradshaw’s mother and I are best friends.”

Me: I guess you’ve heard this story before.”

“Life Lessons Learned in My Underwear”

I can lift 3 key principles for living from this story, all of which have to do with our choices.

1) Our choices have consequences.

My only intention that night was to get my crying kid to sleep. But a series of choices led me to a result I had not intended or expected. I was responsible for the outcome of my choices, regardless of what I had intended.

2) Every time we go out into the world, we are representing ourselves, our family, sometimes our job or profession.

Like my grandmother used to say:

“Remember who you are.”

I used to think she meant something about Alzheimer’s, but now I realize she was encouraging me to make choices that would represent me well.

3) We all have a story to tell, both during our lives and at the end of our lives.

Will your story be one that is worth modeling and admiring, or will it be a cautionary tale, one to avoid copying?

If you do not like the story you are telling, it’s never too late to change direction. Just don’t let the learning from your own experiences take too long.

If you have been doing it wrong for the last 10 years, I suggest that’s long enough.

Our choices become our habits; our habits become our character; our character becomes our story and destiny.

Life is full of choices. Good stories or bad stories are optional. Choose wisely.

And wear your pants.

And if after all that, please allow me to introduce myself further:

PS: You’re invited to share your “most embarrassing moment as a parent (so far)” in the comments