Summary

Jan Sebastian, the author, recounts a traumatic childhood involving sexual abuse by their stepfather, discovery of adult magazines in their parents' bathroom, and the subsequent impact on their life, including running away from home, surviving rape, and struggling with their feelings towards their abuser after their mother's death and the stepfather's remarriage.

Abstract

The narrative begins with Jan's childhood discovery of Playboy magazines in their parents' bathroom, which was a precursor to the realization of their stepfather's inappropriate behavior. As Jan grew older, the stepfather's actions escalated to physical abuse, which included molestation and beatings. The author describes the shock and confusion of encountering adult content at a young age and the subsequent abuse, which led to a loss of innocence. Jan's stepfather, a former professional football player, had a history of violence and abuse, which deeply affected Jan and their siblings. At the age of 16, after enduring continuous abuse, Jan ran away from home, only to be raped and later returned to their family by the police. The story continues with Jan's determination to leave at 18, the emotional turmoil following their mother's death, and the stepfather's quick remarriage to a woman with many children, which raised concerns for their safety. Jan received a diamond ring from the stepfather for their 18th birthday, a gesture that was not well-received. After the stepfather's death, Jan felt a mix of relief and anger, contemplating a confrontation at the grave, but was hindered by their own past suicide attempt. The author concludes with a message of resilience and gratitude for the support received.

Opinions

The author initially had a naive perception of their parents' reading material, which drastically changed upon discovering the adult content of the magazines.
Jan felt a sense of betrayal and confusion upon realizing their stepfather was reading magazines like Playboy, which became more sinister in light of his subsequent abusive behavior.
The stepfather's behavior was seen as deeply wrong and inappropriate, with the author indicating that his issues likely stemmed from unresolved personal problems.
The author expresses a sense of detachment and emotional struggle, particularly in their inability to use the word "hate" when referring to their stepfather, even after all the abuse.
The stepfather's family hinted at an inappropriate affection towards Jan, which added another layer of complexity to the author's feelings.
Despite the trauma, the author shows resilience and a desire to share their story, suggesting that telling their story may be a reason for their survival.
The author's experience has led to a sense of empathy and concern for other potential victims of their stepfather.

The Nudy Magazine In The Bathroom.

It was in my parents’ bathroom, so as a kid, I ignored it.

We had many magazines in the home.

I just thought that my parents liked to read while on the toilet.

Soon, when I was old enough to learn how to clean the bathroom.

It was one of my chores.

I went to clean mom and dad’s bathroom and picked up a magazine to clean under it.

I flipped it open and saw photos of naked women. You guessed it!

Playboy.

(Sidenote, when I was 31, Playboy hired me as a model)

In shock, I immediately closed it, thinking, “Why are my parents reading a magazine with naked women in it?”

Being so innocent, I knew nothing about the birds and the bees. I mean absolutely zero.

After a while, my stepdad started acting strange. In hindsight, he had been for a long time.

I thought that was just what Dads did.

Slowly it became clear that it was wrong.

Next, I started to develop.

One day step pulled my shirt in front of my stepbrothers and pinched my nipples.

He was laughing saying, “right now they are bumblebee bites, but pretty soon they will be wasp bites.

I begged and screamed for him to stop.

My younger stepbrothers just watched in fear.

I suddenly knew somehow, that my stepdad was reading those magazines.

He had beat us, kids, also. He was an ex-professional football player. He had serious issues.

At 16, I ran away from home. I just couldn’t take it for one more second.

I knew eventually I may snap. I had been working so I had a hidden wad of cash and an atlas.

When I ran away, some black dude raped me. I didn’t care one bit. It was done and over fast

My white and wealthy step-dad was beating and molesting me constantly.

The police caught me, I went home.

Photo of me and mom, owned by me, Jan Sebastian, the author

When I turned 18 two years later, I moved out.

I moved into my apartment 9 days after I turned 18, was moving day.

The photo on the left is of me and my mom in front of my first apartment.

I had just turned 18. My mom passed when I was 21.

I never used the word hate. I simply could not spit out the words.

Two months after my mom died of cancer, my stepdad remarried.

He married a redhead, I was also a redhead, His new wife had 10 kids.

I was scared for all of them.

At the wedding, my stepdad’s family confided in me that they thought my stepdad had been in love with me.

Photo Owned by me, Jan Sebastian … the author

He did give me a diamond ring for my 18th birthday.

While I couldn’t say hate, I would say while he was alive, I didn’t want to share oxygen with him in this atmosphere.

Sadly, he had molested other kids.

Those victims did contact me for support.

Then he dies.

The world is safer.

After he died, I did want to get a gun and go to his grave, then shoot in the ground and say,