The night I became one with the Universe

It was about 16 years ago. I remember it so clearly like it was a few minutes ago. I was in my room at about 9 pm. My dad whose room was right next to mine, came knocking on my door to check on me. He said “I haven’t seen you all day. Hope you are alright?” “ yes daddy, I’m fine I just didn’t feel like coming out today, I replied. Then my dad said, “okay then, good night.” Before he walked back to his room.

You see that day, something had happened the previous day at school. A bully in my school had been troubling me but as usual, I kept all it to myself. I didn’t want to bother my dad with unnecessary teenage issues and I’m not going to bore you with it either but in case you’d like to read about it, you can do so below.

This really bothered me and even ruined my mood for the whole day. Little did I know that that night was about to be the most important night of my life.

Before that night, Like most teenagers, I was confused, moody and reserved. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and I often felt alone, even when I was surrounded by a lot of people.

I found solace in music, books, and writing. I also found solace in dark rooms. I’d often lock myself in my room, put off all the lights and just stay there. I would often drown in my imaginations and have a conversation with the Universe. I’d talk to God even when I wasn’t sure He was listening. I found solace in Dreaming.

That faithful day 16 years ago, as I lay on my bed faced up to the ceiling in my darkroom. I went blank for a while and then a new song came to me,

I’m just an ordinary girl living in an ordinary world but things just don’t seem so ordinary here”

I kept on repeating those lines to myself and after a while, tears began running down my cheeks and I thought to myself, ‘why do I have to be so ordinary after all when there are people my age doing extraordinary things? Why do I have to be small, when I can be great?’

I started thinking about all the things I always dreamed of as a child. I had dreamed of visiting poor countries and giving out alms to as many children as I could. I dreamed of assisting children who had no hopes of getting an education and providing shelter for as many homeless people as possible. But laying there on my bed that night in my darkroom, I felt like time was passing by and I still had done nothing. I began to think of ways I could get my dreams to come through.

I thought of going for a beauty contest ‘at least I see the Winners helping people in need’. But too bad, I wasn’t up to the required age for beauty pageants. I thought of making wool sweatshirts and selling so I could use the profit to help a few children around. I thought of a lot of things I could do to raise money but I knew it had to be something I was passionate about and the only thing I could think of was Music. Music was one of the three main things that I was most passionate about alongside, writing and Children.

I thought of all the successful singers out there. Singers like Celine Dion, Shania Twain and Whitney Houston. I knew if I could achieve even a quarter of what they had, I’d be big enough to help as many children as I wanted. Music was my chance to live my dreams. Actually it has been what had helped me deal with some of the issues I had faced as a teenager.

I remember the period I was so afraid of people dying and leaving me, I wrote a song about it which I titled “Gone”. I remember severally when I’d be sad and unable to express myself to people, I’ll go to a quiet place and pen down my feelings and it’d turn into a song. When I sang that song, I’d feel relief.

That night as I lay on my bed thinking, these were the things on my mind I hadn’t even noticed the time had gotten to 9 pm. That was how lost I was in my thoughts.

I opened the door to my room balcony and sat there staring at the Sky. I sat there dreaming, dreams way bigger than me. I began imagining crazy and impossible things — dreaming of standing and singing to a crowd of hundreds of thousands. People singing along to my songs. I dreamed of quietly travelling to places like Haiti, meeting different children and giving alms to different poor families.

Just as I was seated there still staring at the sky, dreaming, the colour of the sky began to turn grey. Soon it began to look like there was a light ray coming out of the sky. The stars up there began to vanish slowly. Some physically falling off the sky, with some shooting to the opposite side of the sky. Even the crickets were no longer as loud as they were. Then I heard a cock crow. Suddenly I realized it was morning already.

I had spent the entire night staring at the sky, praying, dreaming and admiring its splendour that I did not even notice it was morning. It was at this point I heard these words in my mind “I am Belinda Mallasasime and I am the Dreamer from Afar.” Ever since that day, I have been dreaming.

I don’t care if life throws rocks at me, I don’t care how many times I fall flat on my face, or who doesn’t approve of my kind of dreams, There is one thing I know, I am the Dreamer from Afar and the Universe got me.