Parenting| Inspiration | Humor

The Night a Cop Tucked My Son Into Bed. Here’s What Happened.

“Officer, before you leave…”

The stalker called about 8:10 pm on a Tuesday evening, just as we were taking 4 year old Jon out for ice cream.

I made the mistake of answering the phone.

This time the stalker said:

“Jeff if you go on that show tomorrow I’ll start my own show, and it won’t be pretty!”

Here we go again

“Great, here we go again” I thought.

The stalker was talking about my appearance on a local radio show advertised for the next morning. Each Wednesday I’d go in for a live 3 minute interview about my weekly relationship newspaper column. Then we’d record a 3 minute interview for Friday.

The radio show and the column promoted my private counseling practice.

What we didn’t know then was the reason this person was stalking both me and one of the radio DJs. She later claimed in the arrest report that one of the songs played when I was a guest gave a rapist directions to her house.

Almost more frightening was the fact this person was also a local therapist.

While I’ve never met a therapist that didn’t need one, you’d hope they would have a little bit better mental health than what was being displayed the last couple of months.

Stalker 101

We had been instructed to listen to whatever the stalker said, then call the police.

Son Jon thought the police visits were pretty cool, because all he had was a 4 year old’s understanding that “there’s a lady who’s mad at Daddy.”

A bigger night than most

But this was to be a bit of a bigger night than most.

Our regular officer came over. While taking the report, a new wrinkle.

The stalker called again.

I gave the extra house phone to the officer and had the second “conversation” of the evening with the stalker, this time with the officer listening in.

“Officer, before you leave…”

So around 10 pm the officer is wrapping things up with my then wife, and I’m reading to Jon in his bed and trying to get him to sleep.

We were at the stage where I’m standing in his doorway, encouraging him to close his eyes and go to sleep!

I look down the hallway and see the officer getting ready to leave out the door to the garage.

I take a few steps down the hall and loudly whisper:

“Officer, before you leave…”

And motion for him to meet me in the hallway away from Jon’s doorway.

Me: “With all the excitement, I’m having a bit of trouble getting my son to sleep. Could you go in there and encourage Jon to go to sleep?”

Officer: “Absolutely. This is gonna be fun.”

Guy goes into Jon’s room with me in the doorway.

Stands right next to his bed.

Bends over and pulls the covers up to my son’s chin, and in his most authoritative “Officer Voice” says:

“Son, is your night light working?”

Son: “Yes sir!”

Officer:

“Good. Then Jonathon, I’m ordering you to go to sleep. Right. Now!”

And my almost five year old son clamped his eyes shut so tight and scrunched up his face to make sure those eyes stayed closed!

Then the officer turned out the light, and we barely made it into the garage before we both burst out laughing…

I’m pretty sure Jon kept his eyes closed until the middle of the next morning.

And if you’re wondering how I got from there to what I do now, here’s the story, and I’m sticking to it: