The Nicotine Blues
How sneaking a cigarette often sabotages your relationships and your health. What can you do?
You can feel the call. The incessant constant pulse in your brain fills your body with an intense alert. The need far surpasses all the coping strategies ever taught to clients. The demand of the chemical, the habit of the ritual, and the emotional connection all demand attention, and they want notice, front and center: Now.
Smoking cessation is not for cowards. The nicotine receptors in the brain are numerous and proliferated by the natural receptors. As the person smokes, uses the patch or chews the gum, their brain shuts down the naturally made neurotransmitters, and the all of the influx of nicotine creates artificial receptors.
When a person ceases nicotine intake, the brain revolts.
Strategies to cope with addiction come in numerous shapes and sizes. From breathing and grounding tactics to distractions and exercise, the coping skills work, if you use them. You can have all the experience in the world teaching coping skills, and unless you practice what you teach, you’ll fall victim to a substance.
The addiction calling for you happens as fast as someone who is halfheartedly learning to cope and heal from their addiction.
To face the uncomfortable zone means to change as you roll with the emotions feeling out of control brings out in you. Brave, consistent battle ensues when you set the nicotine down.
Unless you have strategies, tried and true in place, you’ll succumb to the beckoning call. I’ve seen the fall out happen repeatedly over the past six years.
Say you braved the cravings and have six weeks clean. You have the pink cloud of freedom, feel invincible, and the crutch of nicotine is reduced. Your ego stands up and says, “I can hang with smokers, I am clean and don’t want it” “I’m never giving a cigarette another chance to control me.”
And then, two weeks later, you slink back to your desk after smoking (only half a cigarette, you justify the use).
The moment you inhale the vapors, the brain sends out all the signals to wake up every single receptor your brain was trained to put to rest. The brain says to the body: “Now we are talking. Let’s get this show on the road!”
The next scene is from the dreaded reruns of deserted towns and freezing feelings of regret and shame. The bus line to empty returns as you wait by yourself, alone and isolated by the substance of choice. A lonely trip.
Boom. The struggle is real. You forgot something powerful.
You let a substance dictate your actions. Minimizing it, denying it, or rationalizing it won’t change the fact of addiction. The green, spidery hands of the nicotine monster entangled itself in your mind.
Now, you are staying brave, so you only smoke a few puffs every other day. Maybe once or twice a week “only” so you limit using only during work days. You scrub, clean up, and use whitening toothpaste and hand sanitizer so others won’t smell or see the tale-tell signs.
The weekend arrives and your body is moody. Friday happens and you know for a fact, everything in the home is going to be a set off for the overly stimulated and neglected brain neurons and demanding receptors.
Your family walks on eggshells as you lord your way around, slamming doors, computers, light switches, kitchen cupboards, and the list goes on and on. No one wants to hang with you because the energy you emit is full of anger and agitation.
Your body wants the drug and you are fighting it by not embracing the suck of addiction and letting go of the control of the substance.
You want control, you took control and smoked again, and you are angry as hell because you l.o.s.t. control by giving in over and over again. Everyone feels your anger.
The next part is what amazes me: “I’m never smoking again. I love how it feels to be free from the drug” and numerous promises arise. You feel better, you feel stronger, you sleep better, and you smell better (yes, we can smell it).
The pink cloud of recovery vaporizes when you don’t even know you entered the hazy complacence. Right now, you are more susceptible to relapse if you forget protective measures.
- Create an escape plan: write it down, put it where you will see it and execute the plan as needed.
- Protective factors: call for support, tell others you quit.
- Tell everyone you quit. Tell them you cannot associate with them outdoors, near parks, and goodness no gas stations.
- Close the door to opportunity. The addicted brain will SEEK out every chance it gets to put the idea in there. The brain is messed up, don’t trust it.
- Keep a laminated coping skills card in your pocket. Don’t just keep it in your pocket, pull it out and practice the skills. Walk in the trenches. Come on, if you teach it don’t just preach it, do it.
- Call for support. Distract yourself. Ground yourself with the 5–4–3–2–1- skills.
- You are not invincible. Addiction wants to win. You have given in to addiction repeatedly, so don’t trust your brain.
If you refuse to follow the instructions and guidelines you lay out for those you help in recovery, then you’ll fall by the wayside entrapped by the very addiction you minimize.
If the addiction to nicotine has impacted your relationships then the addiction wins. Your moods and your angry and impatience show up when your body is withdrawing.
That is normal. However, its not fair to your loved ones.
They extend patience and walk away hurt, every.single.time you relapse. They see the signs, they let you know, and you reject their help.
When you are ready to beat the addiction monster out of your life, you have to keep every present awareness that he will be lurking in the shadows of your mind. Every choice will strengthen the call or reduce the addiction monster’s presence.
One clinician said to me recently, “I’ve not smoked in ten years. But every freaking day I think, today might be okay to have one. And every day, I slam that door shut.”
For myself, I stopped nicotine 33 years ago. The struggle to cease smoking was compounded by everyone in my peer group encouraging me to smoke, blowing smoke in my face, and having smokers living at home constantly put the substance in my face.
The first two weeks were like a hell hole of negativity.
One purposeful slip happened about eight years ago. One cigarette, one stupid night, and I seriously am thankful I didn’t repeat the process. I would be compelled to smoke if I didn’t have back up from my experiences to help me.
You don’t have to give in to the brain’s demands.
After all, the rest of your body makes up more mass than the brain, so consider a nasty bug and squash the thought. You can do it. Others can help you.
The problem is, after all of these years, the voice still rises up somewhere in the back of my mind: “It’s okay, you know you want this.” And I follow my distractions, reminders, and shut that monster down.
You are not alone in changing your life for the better. So many people want to support you in the path of change. Ignore the call to use something to destroy your mind and find help. Today can be the best day of your life.
~Just a thought by Pamela
For help connect with SAMSHA for ideas on nicotine cessation.
Thank you for reading.
Check out my two publications: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly for a look into all aspects of relationships, and Early Bird Musings, which shares the morning insights leading to a better day of life in the present moment.