The Next Universe Down the Block
God recognized aging as one of His two biggest mistakes
God took a cautious step into the darkness of His great backyard. He’d left a rake out here, somewhere, and He was probably about to step on the wretched thing.
Making it safely to His recliner, God sank down with a sigh. His faithful dog, Biff, nuzzled His leg and looked up worshipfully.
In his youth, Biff would have leaped onto the recliner. No more. The strength in his back legs was gone. God grabbed the dog under his belly, hoisted him up and they sat together.
The dog loved to have his ears scratched, leaning into it, totally invested in the process. It was sad. This wonderful canine companion was growing old, wearing out. And God recognized aging as one of His two biggest mistakes.
Entropy was to blame. All systems tended toward disorder, no exceptions. God had set up the creation codes to foster dynamism, flow, evolution. Entropy was an excellent change agent, but with a significant downside — cherished things withered and died.
The deep of night enveloped Him, the great firmament jeweled with stars. A night breeze rustled the leaves of an acacia that spread out across the sky. In the span of its branches, a million galaxies were cradled. Ah, the beauty of His universe! It was truly quite the thing.
But nowadays, the creator class didn’t consider making universes to be that big a deal. They called them unis and new ones were springing into existence all the time. God had to admit, some of the new unis rocked pretty steadily. Over the course of fourteen billion years, there were bound to be improvements.
The new unis dropped the good/evil tension God had used to propel advancement. Many unis were static by design, and tended to be politically correct, which God found supremely Boring.
Other unis were more interesting. In the alt-culture Alex Uni, for example, all systems tended toward order. Creatures grew younger. It was tough to wrap your head around, but the creator class liked to bounce between unis as though they were jet-setting islands in the Caribbean. Universe shopping was trending.
Some of the new unis came equipped with a corporate skybox where a creator could sit and experience the worlds at full strength. God remembered when He used to pop down to Earth with the big voice and straighten people up. Those were the days for sure, but He’d been teased about it plenty: “Why does your uni require so much correction? Didn’t you get it right the first time?”
Yes, God thought, He’d given people free will and set things up to function without His supervision. So maybe it was time to move on.
Staring up at that great dark sky, the celestial vault glowing overhead, God reached a decision. He would take Biff to Alex Uni.
Decision made, the energy seemed to go out of Him. God let out a great Yawn and rose to go inside. These days it was hard to get a good night’s sleep. Man was created in God’s image, and as with man, God’s prostate kept Him up all night. It was a largely useless gland that acted like a clamp around the urethra. That had been His second big mistake.
Warming a mug of cocoa on a hot plate, God stirred it with a spoon He’d saved from a Dairy Queen sundae. Moistening His lips, He took a sip.
The cocoa energized Him almost instantly and He resolved to keep on trucking. It was high time to shake the dust off His sandals and move on down the road.
God stood and clapped once. “Come on, boy! Let’s hit it.” Alex Uni was just down the block and it was open day or night. Yes, it would be great fun to see Biff bouncing around as a puppy once again.