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Abstract

elf-promotion. I want to say, <i>Too soon, honey. Don’t worry. It happens to everyone. Next time you meet someone, concentrate really hard on not thinking about yourself. It’ll hold out spewing Harvard before you’re gotten the other person's name.</i></p><p id="2c95">Next, the pilot said to me, pointing up, <i>I don’t know what kinds of clouds those are</i>.</p><p id="8442">As a future and past flight passenger, that information made me feel very unsafe.</p><p id="968f"><i>I know, but I can’t remember,</i> he said.</p><p id="4c60">The one thing that makes me more nervous than a pilot who can’t name clouds is one who can’t remember things. Each plane contained a finite amount of gas. What if he’s flying to Iowa and his brain forgets and tells him to go to Japan?</p><p id="cd9a">I used to be obsessed with clouds so I suggested <i>cumulous stratus?</i></p><p id="0a1e">He said, a<i>lmost, but the feathering together makes them something different.</i></p><p id="74ed">I asked Siri to message <i>Amy Sea to check the cumulous stratus feathery clouds when I get home</i>.</p><p id="6235">I never did check because when I got back to the family compound, we were talking about food again, which erases every intelligent thought I’ve ever had.</p><p id="a95f">These are the clouds from outside the grocery store.</p><figure id="8c39"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*HUFEq_vyPwrFtzlxrbVdgQ.png"><figcaption>Author image. If you know what they're called, leave me a message in the margin. Especially if you’re a pilot.</figcaption></figure><p id="dd8f">This is food. It is also a dog waiting for a human to turn their back.</p><figure id="13fc"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*mfof1gRhZDhhCzldFVy-Ug.png"><figcaption>Image by Author</figcaption></figure><p id="c92c">This is the pilot.</p><figure id="e7f8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*8zc3fKlh7p1CFvOM99SxOw.png"><figcaption><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/46868174@N08/5221699083">flickr</a></figcaption></figure><p id="e9cd">This has been Amy Sea delivering the news, as I see it.</p><p id="ddb3"><i>Thanks to <a href="https://garyparkerchapin.medium.com/">Gary Chapin</a>.</i></p><p id="fd7b"><i>Wouldn’t you rather be laughing?</i> Follow Amy Sea and <a href="https://medium.com/muddyum">MuddyUm</a></p><div id="f631" class="link-block"> <a href="https://aculberg007.medium.com/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my re

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AMY SEA’S SHIT

The News as I See It — By MuddyUm

Newsbriefs by the editors of MuddyUm

I have no idea what happened in the news this week because I was on vacation with my family. My big family, not just the people who live in my house now — the people I grew up with.

That crazy mix of adults who grew up together, then ran across the globe to avoid one another, but occasionally re-congregate to see what happens. It’s like a chemistry experiment where no one tells anyone else what they’re tossing into the beaker.

My brother asked if we had any family secrets. He wants us to be more interesting than we are. My family is either very good at keeping secrets or we’re boring. I asked if I could make something up. He said no. Ah well. I tried.

I missed every MuddyUm meeting and slack conversation so I am totally out of the loop. I’d have FOMO, but I’m choosing not to. I pay my shrink a lot of money for mature decisions like that.

When I was persona non-connected, MuddyUm said goodbye to our second intern, Jadyn — she’s still writing for us so it’s more see ya soon, funny woman than goodnight sweet prince.

When we MuddyUms find funny people, we take their clocks away and give them free drinks hoping they don’t notice the outside less funny world. If they don’t drink, we offer them unlimited sushi. If they don’t eat food with eyes or mothers, we keep offering them edible displays. Fruit or gummies. Their choice.

On vacation, I met a pilot outside of a grocery store. Settle down. This is not a Bridges of Madison County story. This isn’t a porn site unless you’re aroused by humor. In which case, well done.

Back to the pilot. I had just bought toothbrushes for the numerous kids who had forgotten to bring them on vacation. I walked outside of the grocery store and noticed the clouds which were both beautiful and ominous.

I’m a pilot, a man said walking over to me. I gave him my phone number and asked him for free miles. I didn’t, but I did wonder what the proper response would be.

Whenever someone tells me they went to Harvard or they’re a doctor within the first five seconds of meeting, it feels like pre-mature self-promotion. I want to say, Too soon, honey. Don’t worry. It happens to everyone. Next time you meet someone, concentrate really hard on not thinking about yourself. It’ll hold out spewing Harvard before you’re gotten the other person's name.

Next, the pilot said to me, pointing up, I don’t know what kinds of clouds those are.

As a future and past flight passenger, that information made me feel very unsafe.

I know, but I can’t remember, he said.

The one thing that makes me more nervous than a pilot who can’t name clouds is one who can’t remember things. Each plane contained a finite amount of gas. What if he’s flying to Iowa and his brain forgets and tells him to go to Japan?

I used to be obsessed with clouds so I suggested cumulous stratus?

He said, almost, but the feathering together makes them something different.

I asked Siri to message Amy Sea to check the cumulous stratus feathery clouds when I get home.

I never did check because when I got back to the family compound, we were talking about food again, which erases every intelligent thought I’ve ever had.

These are the clouds from outside the grocery store.