The New Poor: 8 Signs You Are Broke & Rich

Went to Whole Foods. That was my first mistake. Bought six items — I repeat, six items — and the total was $82.14. I made one full meal from those items before realizing I would need to return…to procure more organic, non-GMO, free-range, grass-fed, all-natural ingredients…along with helpers, the things you can’t eat alone, like salad dressing, pink Himalayan salt, jam, chia seeds, tea, etc.

I was excited and dismayed all at once. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to whip out my cookbook and get fancy — ya know, post filtered photos on Instagram and brag about my chef skills? Yeah, I do that! But on the other hand, trying not to die early was expensive. It is expensive; and that’s when I felt it: the weight of poverty.

Except…I’m not poor.

The New Poor: Stealing is Caring

I steal. There, I said it! Phew, that’s a load off. Now, let’s not get carried away. I don’t rob banks, embezzle funds, shoplift, or commit credit card fraud. I’m part of a new wave of criminals: The New Poor. We prefer to steal anonymously, from the shadows…via text, via ‘borrowing,’ via Venmo.

Here’s how we do it…

Your buddy has Netflix. Correction — you both have Netflix. See how I did that?

Let’s try another one.

“There’s a great new book on Audible. You should check it out when you get a chance.”

“Sure thing! What’s your user and password?”

Got it?

This is what we — the new poor — do to circumvent skyrocketing rents, budget-friendly (but still too high) subscription services, and heart attack-inducing grocery prices. We steal and/or cut corners.

We buy television antennas to steal cable — only to watch three or four channels; we solicit Wi-Fi passwords to save data, or use our cellular service to create hotspots, to avoid an internet bill; we take UberPool because we don’t care about an extra 20 minutes.

We don’t do membership fees and uniforms. It’s BYOB and come as you are. That stands for bring your own bills. Meeting location? A group-chat that acts as a think-tank, via your mobile device. That’s how we get shit done. Wages are stagnant…but creativity is at an all-time high.

The New Poor: Signs You’re One of Us

• You hate fast food but hit up quick-casual spots like Gusto and Zoe’s Kitchen, likely using an app to save time, money, or accrue rewards.
• You share just about every conceivable gadget or online service. Netflix, Hulu, HBO, etc.
• You limit your car usage by biking or using Bird scooters to get around. Uber and Lyft for nights that require a DD.
• You care about saving the environment but frugality reigns supreme. You likely use cloths instead of napkins to wipe your mouth or seldom ask for straws.
• You lament your gym membership but realize it will prolong your life. Aging plus a bad hip or bad knees is going to suck. You know that.
• You turn everything off in your house. If it has a plug, it’s getting pulled before you exit the premises. Even if the appliance is off, it can still draw energy,
• You Couchsurf or negotiate Airbnb prices. If you know, you know ;)
• You’re at all the free events! Concerts in the park, 5Ks, art festivals, food festivals, etc.

Welcome to the Club

Here’s my Netflix log-in info:

Username: FollowMeForMore

Password: ArticlesLikeThis2019