The New Black Mercedes
On their daily drive to work early one morning on a busy highway near Kansas City, each of the twelve people below drives past thousands of cars with no particular response. But one shiny new black Mercedes-Benz triggers a response for eleven of them. One is too lost to even notice. Here are some of their responses.
- Bob: “I just saw a new black Mercedes. Frankie drove a car just like that when she broke up with me last year. Now I feel really upset and hurt again. I’ll probably never find anyone else. It was a really bad time when she left, and seeing that car brings all of that pain back. I wish we hadn’t broken up, I’m definitely going to have drinks tonight after work to get past this. This is going to be a bad day!”
- Jerry: “That black Mercedes is the brand new model. Mine is last years. I wish I had this year’s model. I would almost definitely be happier if I had the new one. The new one has nicer lines and some new features. I should have waited and now I feel upset. I can’t believe I have to drive last year’s model. I’m super jealous of that guy who has the newest one.”
- Jackie: “Look at that car. That guy has to be super lucky. I never get a break. I’ve always been the victim of bad breaks. It’s really not fair. Other people always get good opportunities, I never do. My mother told me I would never be successful and she was probably right. My sisters is much more successful, she was always Mom’s favorite. I really don’t want to see her at Thanksgiving this year.“
- Brent: “The guy driving that new black Mercedes must be a real jerk to be so successful. He’s probably stuck up. All rich people are stuck up. My dad warned me about those rich folks. I’m glad I’m not rich. I sure hope there are no bills in the mail when I get home. Maybe I’ll get lucky in the Lotto this week finally.”
- Maria: “I hope that idiot in the black Mercedes gets in an accident going that fast, cutting me off. I almost got in an accident just avoiding him. I’m shaking now and my whole morning is ruined now. I’m probably going to call my sister tonight to tell her about what just happened. This day is starting out horribly”
- Mickey: “Look at that car!! What a waste to spend so much on a new black Mercedes. Everyone should drive an electric car like mine. They probably go on expensive vacations too. People like that are so irresponsible, just like John in sales who bought that really expensive fast car, who knows? He probably doesn’t even recycle properly. I sure hope Bonnie doesn’t go shopping, I better ask her when I get home tonight. She spends way too much on everything. We’ll almost definitely end up broke.”
- Donna: “That’s a really nice new black Mercedes. He’s probably good-looking. I’d sure like to know who he is. Maybe he works near me. Maybe I’ll see him again tomorrow on the way to work. I’m going to leave at the same time so I can try to spot him. I hope I see him again. If I’m really lucky, I’ll see him on the way home.”
- Jeff: “I’m getting a black Mercedes as soon as I get some money. Then I’ll have some real status around here. With a nice car, I’ll actually feel happy. Or maybe if I get a bigger house with a pool or if I finally meet someone good on that dating web site. I can put my new car in my profile picture.”
- T.C.: “I don’t like black Mercedes at all. Blue is a much better color. I like my blue car a lot better. It’s too warm today. Dave is always late for work. My boss Emily is not fair. My high school English teacher had a black sweater. I didn’t like her. It’s too cold outside this morning. I wonder what I should have for lunch today. They probably will run out of my favorite.”
- Rod: “That Mercedes is nice. My old car is so embarrassing. Just like me. No one really likes me that much. I heard some friends went to the movies, but I didn’t get invited. I didn’t have any friends growing up. I don’t have very many friends at work either. I’ll probably end up alone. Who would want to be with me? Janis sure didn’t. I’m still upset about that one.”
- Branford: “That black Mercedes just cut in front of me. That jerk was definitely speeding. When I catch up with him, I’m going to do the same thing to him. I’m angry now. Who cares how fast I have to drive or many people I cut off? I need to teach that stupid driver a lesson. I better not get pulled over while I show this jerk.”
- Keith: “What black Mercedes? I barely noticed anything on the way to work. I was too busy replaying last night’s date. I said all the wrong things. Just like last week at that party. And the same thing happened this summer at the beach, and at the Christmas party last year. I always say the wrong things in social situations. I’d probably be better off staying home.”
Do you identify with any of these 12 characters? Do you get “triggered” by the black Mercedes in your life? Do you spot them, and let them pass by without grasping or get caught up with your trigger, and then spend the rest of the day telling everyone about the horrible experience you had this morning, the one that pushed you down the rabbit hole? How much trouble can a black Mercedes cause just driving down the road? Ask the thirteen people above, it can send them over the edge.
What is your black Mercedes? What triggers you? Is it a particular kind of church? Is it hearing criticism? Is it fear of rejection, fear of trying new things? Is it anxiety over interactions? Is it driving past your old neighborhood, or past the street your ex lived on 4 years ago? Is it having a waitress named Ann, the same as your mom? Do you need help getting through the day when these things happen to you? Even when you can clearly see that one thing is a trigger, not the actual original person or car, or place, do you still have a negative response that lasts longer than it should? If so, thats good. This means that you are learning to watch, and to pay attention and prevent the trigger from being fully activated. You can see your response, observe it and choose to have a a different response. This is not easy to do with deeply embedded triggers.
Understanding that this happens to us sometimes is a giant step forward. It means that our inner Buddha, our calm observer is awake and by paying attention, we will slowly and steadily gain more insight and wisdom. The more we can calmly watch how our minds work, the more we will be able to choose our responses, and not get so caught up in our triggers. Each of the people above is lost in some past trauma, and is unable to get past the black Mercedes without triggering an unskillful response that is out of touch with reality. Reality is that a black Mercedes drove past, and should in-reality, be out of sight and out of mind in seconds.
