Summary

The author reflects on personal struggles with healing and self-expression, despite extensive efforts and various methods tried, and acknowledges the need to truly feel and process emotions to move forward.

Abstract

The website content delves into the author's deep frustration over their inability to heal despite employing a wide range of techniques, from patience and spiritual trust to physical and emotional outlets. The author grapples with the paradox of being able to help others while struggling to help themselves, questioning their approach to self-care and expression. A series of candid admissions and realizations lead to a breakthrough moment, prompted by a serendipitous encounter with a TedTalk that resonates with the author's past success and determination. The journey ahead is recognized as purposeful and guided by a higher power, with the author resolving to address underlying issues of guilt and shame to achieve a better future.

Opinions

The author expresses frustration with their own healing process, feeling they have tried everything without success.
There is a sense of self-critique for not being able to apply to themselves the same help they provide to others.
The author acknowledges the need to stop pretending to be okay and to express true feelings, including anger and hurt.
The author believes in the importance of not only understanding but also applying knowledge to achieve personal growth.
There is a strong conviction that events and ideas encountered are not mere coincidences but are guided by a higher power or purpose.
The author recognizes the need to reassess personal goals and what they consider non-negotiable in their life moving forward.
Despite challenges, the author remains determined and hopeful, viewing their stubbornness as both an asset and a potential hindrance.
The author intends to confront and overcome feelings of guilt and shame associated with taking time for self-care.
The author extends gratitude and blessings to readers, indicating a supportive and nurturing attitude towards their audience.

The need to heal. Timing just might be everything.

I want to heal … But how?

With all I know and all I keep trying, I cannot seem to get to the root and heal myself. It’s very frustrating. I am always helping other people, why can I not seem to truly help myself?

I have tried being patient and compassionate towards myself. I have tried trusting in God and the Universe. I have tried faking it till I make it, new things, putting myself out there, journaling, writing, meditating, nutrition, supplements. I have tried staying calm, being open and open-minded, talking to God and the Holy Spirit, Self-muscle testing (touch for health), even legal recreational CBD & THC. I have tried to allow myself to get angry — privately screaming and crying to myself, the universe/God, etc., and I have tried to stay positive, find the silver lining, gratitude, exercise... I have tried physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and energetic formats of all kinds … why does it feel like I am going in circles?

Stop trying to be ‘perfect’, to see all sides, to be more helpful and respectful of others than you are to/for/of yourself — especially those who have repeated hurt, used, and abused you!

Fuck the people who hurt you — stop trying to protect or save them!

Fuck trying to ‘be the better person’ — you already are!

Fuck all this pretending you are okay — express yourself!

You are hurt, you are angry, you are lost and finding your way, and that’s all O.K.!

Allow yourself to truly feel and sit with your feelings. You won’t be able to heal until you do, and as much as you have tried, as much as you have done, you haven’t truly allowed yourself free expression…

As Rafiki said …

It’ is time.

Do you know how to ‘safely’ and ‘appropriately’ express your anger, your past or present hurt?

I am actually asking.

I keep trying to figure it out, but I must be missing something crucial.

Holy Shit!

You know, the universe really is fucking amazing!

I cannot begin to explain they many things that happened or curiosities/ideas I had in the last 45 minutes that led me to this TedTalk:

At first, I was annoyed because again, I know most of this, I have applied it — or tried to. She said things I have said that have greatly helped other people as well as myself, but something clicked towards the end…

My success back in NY with my business was never ‘an option’. I remember saying to myself and even my husband that ‘failure’ was Not an option. I was told there was little to no way I was going to be successful, that my prices were too high, that most small businesses fail and that massage therapists aren’t typically very business savvy, and so much crap!

Well… I had a full schedule in less than 6 months and more clients than would EVER have been considered ‘healthy’ or ‘safe’ or expected by anyone in my field let alone what they taught us in massage school — but I did it, I fucking crushed it! I haven’t lived in NY in over 3 years and I STILL have clients asking for help and/or if/when we will move back!

Even though I have recognized this before, I haven’t truly sat with it. So, what I need to figure out:

What changed?
How did I change or allow myself to be changed?
What do I actually want now, how do I want to move forward in my life now?
What is ‘not an option’ for me now?

As much as I have thought about these things, I haven’t figured it out which tells me I have work to do. As much as I know and have tried I still have more to learn and/or apply.

It was also crazy that at the end she talks about breaking through your ceiling because I JUST had that conversation with my husband and started an article that I haven’t finished yet and hopefully will this weekend — especially after writing this article!

That search started with diving into the deeper connections between Chakras and Meridians, and somehow landed on that TedTalk that came up all on it’s own … Someone can tell me, but NO ONE can convince me that things are just coincidental — I know with every fiber of my being that there is a higher power/purpose/being that leads me, and it’s leading me now.

Serendipity is much different than chance.

I might still have a loooooong a** journey ahead of me, and I am sure I do, but I do not think it is without rhyme or reason. I might be stubborn as all get-out — I am a Taurus after all — but it tends to work in my favor, because I won’t give-up without one hell of a fight, if ever — it’s both mostly a blessing and also sometimes a curse…

I know I can do this!

You know, I left NY saying I wanted more time. I learned the importance of and the true value of this highly limited resource, and I feel like that is what I still need and want to focus on, but I need to change the guilt or shame or something around ‘taking time’ — which my husband keeps telling me …

I need to figure out where the guilt and shame and expectations are coming from, what it is stemming from, and then let hopefully address those things and eventually let them go … wish me luck 🙏🏼 🤞🏼🙏🏼 🤞🏼🙏🏼 🤞🏼 ❤ ❤ ❤

❤ With all the Love, Grace, and hopes for a Better, Brighter, Happier and Healthier tomorrow, as well as to Your Health & Wellness, Happiness, and Well-being. ❤

With Love, Light, Prayers and Blessings ❤ Your Idealistic HolisticNerd ~ ❤ Mind ❤ Body ❤Spirit/Soul ❤ ~

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