The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign.
How the smear campaign can work in your favour.
I found the smear campaign the most painful tactic. Though I knew it had been happening for some time, in fact, throughout the relationship, the seriousness of it all didn’t affect me till I had to go to family court to protect my children.
A smear campaign is a deliberate action by a person or group of people to smear another person’s reputation. It’s more than a bit of gossip or a quiet chat with a friend about problems you had in a relationship. The smear is a full-on campaign of lies, twisted truths, exaggerations, and projections that go far beyond a few people.
“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
I did all the wrong things when it came to responding to the smear campaign; I talked about it to the wrong people, listened to the wrong people, and most of all, I let it upset me. The smear campaign starts quite subtle; they’ll drop hints or make suggestions to others just enough to cause suspicion, then when the victim’s peace of mind is hanging on a thread, they let rip and discredit the person everywhere and at every opportunity.
So, how could a smear campaign possibly work in your favour?
- In family court, it’s gold! As a narcissistic abuse victim, you're devalued to the point you can’t trust yourself, let alone anybody else; it’s a struggle to open up about what happened. In the meantime, the narcissist and his flying monkeys are on a roll; they feel empowered by harming you and are so high on smug that they let the cat out of the bag. The narcissist and flying monkeys that I knew were very open about having “family meetings” and painfully, but fortunately, these meetings lead to excessive criticism; they practically wrote a book. Family Court is not interested in false accusations and gossip. It does not look good when litigants are too busy attacking to consider solutions.
- You find out what else the narcissist has been saying and doing. What the narcissist does is pure evil; they intend to harm their target under any circumstances and have no remorse for the damage they cause. The narcissist’s capacity for understanding others is so limited; they can only think from their point of view, which is to save themselves from accountability and place it elsewhere. In some ways, this is a bonus because they end up projecting their own faults and actions onto their victims. Someone who recognises a smear campaign hears confessions rather than another’s transgressions.
3. You filter through who you can and can’t trust. Flying monkeys will come at you like flies on shit! You’ll have “friends”, family, co-workers, and agencies asking too many questions, starting irrelevant conversations that connect to the smear campaign, and directly or indirectly criticising you; they become little narcissists themselves. Narcissists find the weakest people in your vicinity and use them. They need those people to divulge background information that might incriminate you and use it to add to the campaign.
Learning who to trust was one of the best things I got from ending up in a relationship with a narcissist.
Your real friends will straight tell you they’ve heard so and so from such and such; they’ll support and defend you, even behind your back.
Narcissists are charming to people who can’t see through the b.s and can be very convincing, so when they enter your realm, they mess up your reality, and only the strongest survive.
By the time the narcissist is done with you, which they never really are (I’ll write about that in “10 signs you’re being hoovered”), they leave you with only the best of the best in terms of your friends. Fortunately, in my case, he only met a handful of my friends, mostly from out of town, and of the local friends he met, only one remains.
4. It forces you to fight. A smear campaign is a challenge that you can accept or pass. Pass is the best option; however, you have no choice but to accept the challenge and fight for your life when it comes to protecting your children. I’m not a fighter, I’m not a lover either, I’m more of a runner, so having to fight was a struggle, but one I learned so much from, I’m grateful it happened. You learn to remain calm, speak clearly and directly, and never let people push you around again.
5. You know you’re rid of them. A smear campaign begins the minute you meet narcissists. They’re checking out the people around you for weaknesses, sometimes even before they meet you, and already running you down to their own friends and family. Narcissists have a terrible habit of trying to get away with everything; they act as if nothing happened and keep coming back till you finally stand up for yourself. When the campaign hits full throttle, and they’re no longer taking you for a ride, they’ve discarded you. Although the discard is very hurtful, it is a good thing. Though they will try to suck you back into their drama (hoover), they’re just hoping they can keep you in their lives to continue the manipulation and control, something you very much do not want!
The smear campaign puts your entire livelihood at stake. It’s easy to say we shouldn’t care what other people think, but you have to care when it comes to the smear campaign.
Here are some other recent stories about recognising narcissistic tactics:
As mentioned earlier, I have ten signs of discarding and hoovering still to write.
Best of luck to anyone in this situation. Right now, it may feel like you’ve lost everything, especially yourself, and like it's never going to end. Then one day, very soon, I hope, you will get your power back and then some; that’s when you can look back and smile at all you’ve learned.
Thank you for reading.❤
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